StephOIllinois

Hi.

As my title says, I have been a naive wife of an alcoholic. I married my husband 6 years ago, knowing he drank occasionally... not knowing it was more than occasionally. He's had his runs over the past 6 years, but it wasn't until recent conversations with his best friend, did I figure out how bad and for how long.

We've been round and round about his drinking....but he has no real desire to quit. He puts our almost 4 year old son at risk frequently taking him to his buddy's house to drink...then drives home. He uses all the excuses and lies about his drinking.

I'm on a ledge...don't know what to do. I'm finally resolved to get support for ME, but don't know how much longer I can live like we are. I don't want to leave, I love him and want to help... but I know...only he can help himself. I want to be there to support him when he finally does.

I would love to hear some similar stories, what you have done, how you cope.

I need to learn how to deal with this full knowledge of his addiction, and how to help my family.

Thanks.

Mizzuno

The only way that you can help him, is to help yourself. That may mean that a separation is in order, or that you set up real clear boundaries that can not be crossed. I know that you do not want to leave, but can you imagine living the rest of your life, with your son, in these conditions? Something has to change, and if the drinking does not change, then you will need to make the change. I have no experience in this department. I am an alcoholic though, and If I didnt change I was going to lose my family. I had already lost my job. I do understand the situation.

honeypig

Welcome, StephO. Sorry for the situation you find yourself in, but glad you made it to SR.

You might want to try this area of the forum Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information to read postings from others who have been or are in your shoes now. There are also a number of "stickied" posts at the top of the page that contain a lot of useful and educational info on how to best handle your situation.

Regarding the fact that he drives drunk w/your son in the car--you must find some way to prevent that from ever happening again. You are an adult and can make choices. Your young son cannot, and he has to be protected. Clearly you are the only parent who will do so.

Again, welcome, and I hope you find help and hope here. I certainly have.

Crossfitdad

If my wife were driving around drunk with my kids in the car and I couldn't stop her, I think cops might know when and where she was driving. Just saying.

Iwanttobebetter

you have to do what you have to do to protect yourself and your son. even if you think you can go on like this, your son can't. his life is being endangered every time your husband drinks and drives. if i ever drank and took my kids out in the car i would fully expect my husband to take the kids and leave me for good. i'm so sorry for what you're having to deal with. it must be heart wrenching but please take care of yourself and your son first. your husband is an adult and only he can decide when he wants to get better.

StephOIllinois

I should have mentioned that I have talked to his buddy where he goes to drink. The buddy is a non-drinker, and loves our son like a nephew. He is going to let me know from now on when my husband has our son there and is drinking, so I can go and pick him up. My son will not be riding with an intoxicated Daddy any more.

least

I'm glad to hear no more drunken driving with your son but still wonder how all this drinking is affecting him. Kids aren't stupid, they realize more than we suspect. If it were me I'd have to do what was best for my kid.