Nearly 5 months and I'm happy but still so far from "normal"... your experiences?
now's the time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
Nearly 5 months and I'm happy but still so far from "normal"... your experiences?
Hello 
So I'm approaching 5 months alcohol-free. Being kind of an impatient-type person, I'm already rounding that up in my head to "nearly 6 months" and I find that really shocking! I'd say my time so far, in the broadest possible terms, has gone like this:
Month 1: Hibernation, shell shock
Month 2 and 3: Heavy emphasis on daily yoga practice and researching alcoholism. Started therapy.
Month 4: Personal goal (bicycling trip)
Month 5: Hibernation
Right now I feel very much in my own head. Thinking so much, about 'life, the universe, and everything'
. Working on a creative project, but mostly just thinking about it, not getting anything actually produced. Having the most vivid dreams and thinking about them while awake.
The things inside my head feel more real and important to me right now than the things outside.
I don't really know what to make of this. I'm happy not to be drinking. But I feel a bit baffled by how deeply I have retreated into this process. I'm a very social person and although I've always been on the spacey side, my disconnect from reality right now is like nothing I've ever experienced.
It doesn't feel like depression, but maybe it is? I don't know. Just about every single thing in my life is in transition right now, so it's hard to know where to look.
Anyway, wondering if anyone can relate. I feel like I kind of knew what to expect for the first three months, but now I'm adrift. Maybe this has nothing at all to do with the drying out process... but given that the rest of you probably know more about massive transitions than anyone else I know, thought I'd ask.
So I'm approaching 5 months alcohol-free. Being kind of an impatient-type person, I'm already rounding that up in my head to "nearly 6 months" and I find that really shocking! I'd say my time so far, in the broadest possible terms, has gone like this:
Month 1: Hibernation, shell shock
Month 2 and 3: Heavy emphasis on daily yoga practice and researching alcoholism. Started therapy.
Month 4: Personal goal (bicycling trip)
Month 5: Hibernation
Right now I feel very much in my own head. Thinking so much, about 'life, the universe, and everything'
. Working on a creative project, but mostly just thinking about it, not getting anything actually produced. Having the most vivid dreams and thinking about them while awake.The things inside my head feel more real and important to me right now than the things outside.
I don't really know what to make of this. I'm happy not to be drinking. But I feel a bit baffled by how deeply I have retreated into this process. I'm a very social person and although I've always been on the spacey side, my disconnect from reality right now is like nothing I've ever experienced.
It doesn't feel like depression, but maybe it is? I don't know. Just about every single thing in my life is in transition right now, so it's hard to know where to look.
Anyway, wondering if anyone can relate. I feel like I kind of knew what to expect for the first three months, but now I'm adrift. Maybe this has nothing at all to do with the drying out process... but given that the rest of you probably know more about massive transitions than anyone else I know, thought I'd ask.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
You are in transition, so don't try to rush it. I felt really guilty, especially in the first 8 months or so that I was living too much in my own head. I thought I should be out there seeing friends and doing stuff, non drinking stuff. Even family and friends have suggested to me that I should be doing more sociable things and then I'd feel better. But the thing is they don't know how difficult a transition this has been for me, no matter how much I try to explain. I think I was definitely depressed for the first year or so, and my doctor said that is not surprising and that it is fairly common after getting over such a huge hurdle. I was so fatigued and had very little motivation. But I was doing all I could do, going to work, coming here, reading about alcoholism, going to meetings etc... I think that is enough really. I find it odd in a way how I always just assumed I was doing everything wrong, when this was just my experience. I don't have to do the things other people expect me to do or even the things I expect me to do. I think as long as you are not drinking and pointed in the right direction then you can't go wrong. If you feel the need to stay in your own head then so be it. It has taken me a long time to grasp even very basic things about my life and my drinking problem. I would have done myself no favours by forcing myself into things I wasn't ready for x
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
I kind of see what you mean. I will be coming to a year pretty soon and even though I am excited and happy, I am feeling quite anxious and sad about it. I've been thinking about alot of things lately.
I am feeling like an end is coming, even thought it is not, it just means a new beginning, but I can't just see it yet. I've done so much in this first year and I guess I don't want it to end. Yet part of me is scared that I'll forget the longer I am sober. Not sure if any of this makes any sense.
I didn't think I would have all these feelings coming up to a year. I remember reading EternalQ's post about her coming up to her first year and I never forgot it. I was at 6 months and thinking how relieved and happy I would be when I can say I am at a year! It seems to happen when we are coming up to milestones I think.
I am feeling like an end is coming, even thought it is not, it just means a new beginning, but I can't just see it yet. I've done so much in this first year and I guess I don't want it to end. Yet part of me is scared that I'll forget the longer I am sober. Not sure if any of this makes any sense.
I didn't think I would have all these feelings coming up to a year. I remember reading EternalQ's post about her coming up to her first year and I never forgot it. I was at 6 months and thinking how relieved and happy I would be when I can say I am at a year! It seems to happen when we are coming up to milestones I think.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CAPE COD, MA
Posts: 1,020
Hi. In your list Recovery wasn't listed, researching alcoholism means what. Going to a lot of AA meetings results in a huge amount of research for me. Remember that if your an alcoholic it's the result of feelings we did not handle in a healthy manner and continue to be in our subconscious. Recovery involves work on our selves long term, but the results are worth the effort. Sobriety is one minute/day at a time, some better than the others. BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 8,642
I know exactly how you are feeling fantail.....My first stab at sobriety, I was sober for 18+ months. During that time I vividly remember coming up on my 6 month mark and asking a long term sober friend of mine, "Is that all there is?" I was restless and anxious, and to try to find the " IT" I thought I was missing, I went back out for a few months. The only thing I found back out was a whole lot more of what I found before I had gotten sober the first time.... Only much worse...... I am now comfortably and happily 6 months + sober again, and can only offer that it gets better. As cliched as that might sound, it's so true! ( p.s., keep up with your yoga....it literally saved me.)
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
When i look about myself and compare my coping skills with my non-alcoholic peers . I think they are quite robust , a gift of my sobriety .
Also i'm content waking up in the morning sober , my life is serene and contented . I don't have huge drives for anything much as i don't live in the future too much . I have goals and aims but i don't desperately need them .
The past has gone and i remember it all fondly and am at peace with it , even the bad stuff has it's uses because others can relate to where i've been and where i am now .
Today things are lovely and i don't need anything at all .
My life is adrift , my life is free , more free than it's ever been , no angst , no worry , no fear . I've given up on all of it
Dump the fear, dump the worry, come outside cherish and love life in gentle good humor, it passes so quickly and is glorious .
Bestwishes , m
Also i'm content waking up in the morning sober , my life is serene and contented . I don't have huge drives for anything much as i don't live in the future too much . I have goals and aims but i don't desperately need them .
The past has gone and i remember it all fondly and am at peace with it , even the bad stuff has it's uses because others can relate to where i've been and where i am now .
Today things are lovely and i don't need anything at all .
My life is adrift , my life is free , more free than it's ever been , no angst , no worry , no fear . I've given up on all of it
Dump the fear, dump the worry, come outside cherish and love life in gentle good humor, it passes so quickly and is glorious .
Bestwishes , m
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,450
Originally Posted by mecanix 
When i look about myself and compare my coping skills with my non-alcoholic peers . I think they are quite robust , a gift of my sobriety .
Also i'm content waking up in the morning sober , my life is serene and contented . I don't have huge drives for anything much as i don't live in the future too much . I have goals and aims but i don't desperately need them .
The past has gone and i remember it all fondly and am at peace with it , even the bad stuff has it's uses because others can relate to where i've been and where i am now .
Today things are lovely and i don't need anything at all .
My life is adrift , my life is free , more free than it's ever been , no angst , no worry , no fear . I've given up on all of it
Dump the fear, dump the worry, come outside cherish and love life in gentle good humor, it passes so quickly and is glorious .
Bestwishes , m
Also i'm content waking up in the morning sober , my life is serene and contented . I don't have huge drives for anything much as i don't live in the future too much . I have goals and aims but i don't desperately need them .
The past has gone and i remember it all fondly and am at peace with it , even the bad stuff has it's uses because others can relate to where i've been and where i am now .
Today things are lovely and i don't need anything at all .
My life is adrift , my life is free , more free than it's ever been , no angst , no worry , no fear . I've given up on all of it
Dump the fear, dump the worry, come outside cherish and love life in gentle good humor, it passes so quickly and is glorious .
Bestwishes , m
Nothing is impossible!
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: EAGAN
Posts: 792
Originally Posted by fantail
Hello
So I'm approaching 5 months alcohol-free. Being kind of an impatient-type person, I'm already rounding that up in my head to "nearly 6 months" and I find that really shocking! I'd say my time so far, in the broadest possible terms, has gone like this:
Month 1: Hibernation, shell shock
Month 2 and 3: Heavy emphasis on daily yoga practice and researching alcoholism. Started therapy.
Month 4: Personal goal (bicycling trip)
Month 5: Hibernation
Right now I feel very much in my own head. Thinking so much, about 'life, the universe, and everything' . Working on a creative project, but mostly just thinking about it, not getting anything actually produced. Having the most vivid dreams and thinking about them while awake.
The things inside my head feel more real and important to me right now than the things outside.
I don't really know what to make of this. I'm happy not to be drinking. But I feel a bit baffled by how deeply I have retreated into this process. I'm a very social person and although I've always been on the spacey side, my disconnect from reality right now is like nothing I've ever experienced.
It doesn't feel like depression, but maybe it is? I don't know. Just about every single thing in my life is in transition right now, so it's hard to know where to look.
Anyway, wondering if anyone can relate. I feel like I kind of knew what to expect for the first three months, but now I'm adrift. Maybe this has nothing at all to do with the drying out process... but given that the rest of you probably know more about massive transitions than anyone else I know, thought I'd ask.
So I'm approaching 5 months alcohol-free. Being kind of an impatient-type person, I'm already rounding that up in my head to "nearly 6 months" and I find that really shocking! I'd say my time so far, in the broadest possible terms, has gone like this:
Month 1: Hibernation, shell shock
Month 2 and 3: Heavy emphasis on daily yoga practice and researching alcoholism. Started therapy.
Month 4: Personal goal (bicycling trip)
Month 5: Hibernation
Right now I feel very much in my own head. Thinking so much, about 'life, the universe, and everything'
. Working on a creative project, but mostly just thinking about it, not getting anything actually produced. Having the most vivid dreams and thinking about them while awake.The things inside my head feel more real and important to me right now than the things outside.
I don't really know what to make of this. I'm happy not to be drinking. But I feel a bit baffled by how deeply I have retreated into this process. I'm a very social person and although I've always been on the spacey side, my disconnect from reality right now is like nothing I've ever experienced.
It doesn't feel like depression, but maybe it is? I don't know. Just about every single thing in my life is in transition right now, so it's hard to know where to look.
Anyway, wondering if anyone can relate. I feel like I kind of knew what to expect for the first three months, but now I'm adrift. Maybe this has nothing at all to do with the drying out process... but given that the rest of you probably know more about massive transitions than anyone else I know, thought I'd ask.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Arizona
Posts: 494
You're awesome fantail. I've been feeling anti social as well, but not in a bad way. I got my errands done this afternoon and have been keeping myself busy here at home ever since. Maybe instead of the second hibernate it should say: rest and reflect because we really have come so far from that first state of mind even though it still seems so hard.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Fantail I'm glad you raised this, I'm a month behind you and I'm in the introspection phase too. I'm doing some socialising but not much, I do want time to think, to go on with my own projects, to be here and read. Should I be doing something else? No, I don't think so. I think this massive change in our lives needs time for us to adjust because, if it's going to stick permanently, we need to recalibrate our lives and in a fever of busyness tthat's hard to do.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Toronto ON
Posts: 1,180
Excellent post Fantail.
I'm 2 years sober now and sitting here trying to take myself back to 6 months. I was definitely much more absorbed with the task of Not Drinking then. I couldn't go anywhere or do anything without it being the primary focus for me. So much so that I can recall silently intoning "I will never drink again and I will never change my mind" for large chunks of the day or when the thought of alcohol would pop up in my routine.
Today is much different though...dramatically so. Hang in there. I suspect that there is nothing you can do to rush the process and that time may simply have to pass for you to evolve through this stage.
Mecanix - made some really keen observations that ring true for me as well. My life is gentle and free. There is very little stress or angst and when there is I am able to let it go.
You're doing great,
I'm 2 years sober now and sitting here trying to take myself back to 6 months. I was definitely much more absorbed with the task of Not Drinking then. I couldn't go anywhere or do anything without it being the primary focus for me. So much so that I can recall silently intoning "I will never drink again and I will never change my mind" for large chunks of the day or when the thought of alcohol would pop up in my routine.
Today is much different though...dramatically so. Hang in there. I suspect that there is nothing you can do to rush the process and that time may simply have to pass for you to evolve through this stage.
Mecanix - made some really keen observations that ring true for me as well. My life is gentle and free. There is very little stress or angst and when there is I am able to let it go.
You're doing great,
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Olympia, Washington, USA
Posts: 135
It looks like you're not stuck in any one state for very long, so chances are this is another phase, and month 6 will look different as well! You can look forward to an upcoming change, and I'm sure it will be something positive!
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,359
I am at 5 months also fantail. I agree with some of the other posters about introspection. I am thinking quite a lot about it lately. I am not thinking about drinking just thinking about the whole situation. How it happened, why and how I managed to escape. It seems intrusive sometimes but it has also brought about some peace. I also went bizerker at 4 months so I'll take this any day. It must be part of the process.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
6 months or so here and having a lot of transitional feelings too. I drank for 20 plus years, and probably almost 10 of them on a daily basis - so I have accepted the fact that it's going to take a while to accept my new lifestyle both physically and emotionally.
Having said that, when I look back at how much everything has improved ( anxiety, cravings, etc ) I have come a LONG way. You are doing just fine - and should be proud of yourself for all the progress you have made.
Having said that, when I look back at how much everything has improved ( anxiety, cravings, etc ) I have come a LONG way. You are doing just fine - and should be proud of yourself for all the progress you have made.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 340
Great post Fantail you are awesome for 5 months
Great reply Mecanix. I love it.
For what its worth the sobriety process changed me and I notice I now don't connect as well with people and it doesn't bother me.
I have stopped trying to please people and just let it be. Whatever happens does so and I now enjoy the day. I don't plan it, manage it, control it, fit everything in, stress, drink, get frustrated. I just shrug and do my best with a positive attitude.
It is like the weight of the world off my shoulders. I want for nothing. I get bored in talking about gossip and people and stuff that happened when all these "bigger picture" thoughts keep floating through my mind.
Maybe I have found the truth of what's important and it does set you free. Truth is, if you have a good look around, nothing's that important particularly not ourselves.
I find my thoughts now alive. I am living. I have some ideas and challenges but if they don't come off that's OK too, like Mecanix said.
People like you to act certain ways and to keep you nicely pigeon holed it makes them comfortable.
Last couple of months I have been writing quotes on my daughters black board in her bedroom, have even borrowed a few from this site. Helps me and her. Here's one -
"Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people". Eleanor Roosevelt
Just some food for thought hope it helps.
Great reply Mecanix. I love it.
For what its worth the sobriety process changed me and I notice I now don't connect as well with people and it doesn't bother me.
I have stopped trying to please people and just let it be. Whatever happens does so and I now enjoy the day. I don't plan it, manage it, control it, fit everything in, stress, drink, get frustrated. I just shrug and do my best with a positive attitude.
It is like the weight of the world off my shoulders. I want for nothing. I get bored in talking about gossip and people and stuff that happened when all these "bigger picture" thoughts keep floating through my mind.
Maybe I have found the truth of what's important and it does set you free. Truth is, if you have a good look around, nothing's that important particularly not ourselves.
I find my thoughts now alive. I am living. I have some ideas and challenges but if they don't come off that's OK too, like Mecanix said.
People like you to act certain ways and to keep you nicely pigeon holed it makes them comfortable.
Last couple of months I have been writing quotes on my daughters black board in her bedroom, have even borrowed a few from this site. Helps me and her. Here's one -
"Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people". Eleanor Roosevelt
Just some food for thought hope it helps.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: The Emerald City
Posts: 434
Congratulations on your 5 months fantail! I loved reading your post.
Gosh, it really resonates in how I'm feeling as well. Mecanix also stated it so eloquently about the contentment and peace. I'm just a week over 5 months sober, and I've also been hibernating (I call it cocooning) virtually the entire time. I find myself pondering deep thoughts like my purpose, the Universe, appreciating nature, recognizing ego driven tactics etc. etc. I'm also at a transitional stage in my life and am finding more satisfaction and serenity in taking a walk or a run than being social. I feel very protective of my energy now, and also feeling like I no longer need to be constantly busy to prove my self worth. I've also wondered if it's depression (a lot of experience of that) but I don't think it is. I actually think it's a metamorphosis, which takes a little thinking time in that cocooning state.
Gosh, it really resonates in how I'm feeling as well. Mecanix also stated it so eloquently about the contentment and peace. I'm just a week over 5 months sober, and I've also been hibernating (I call it cocooning) virtually the entire time. I find myself pondering deep thoughts like my purpose, the Universe, appreciating nature, recognizing ego driven tactics etc. etc. I'm also at a transitional stage in my life and am finding more satisfaction and serenity in taking a walk or a run than being social. I feel very protective of my energy now, and also feeling like I no longer need to be constantly busy to prove my self worth. I've also wondered if it's depression (a lot of experience of that) but I don't think it is. I actually think it's a metamorphosis, which takes a little thinking time in that cocooning state.
now's the time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
Thank you so much everyone for your responses. I can't tell you how comforting it is to hear that others have had or are having similar feelings.
I guess the same part of me that can't let it go at one drink (or one bowl of ice cream, or one episode of a TV show, or one hour of yoga) also doesn't dwell on accomplishments for very long. There's part of me that feels like it's unacceptable to spend any more time on alcohol (the drinking of it or the quitting of it!). Like I spent all those years taking myself in the wrong direction, now I finally got myself back to where I should have been at the start, and it's time to get going already!
But I know life isn't that linear and it's that kind of reductive thinking that got me into this mess in the first place (pain is bad, remove pain, life is good!). Thank you thank you thank you for reminding me of that.
I guess the same part of me that can't let it go at one drink (or one bowl of ice cream, or one episode of a TV show, or one hour of yoga) also doesn't dwell on accomplishments for very long. There's part of me that feels like it's unacceptable to spend any more time on alcohol (the drinking of it or the quitting of it!). Like I spent all those years taking myself in the wrong direction, now I finally got myself back to where I should have been at the start, and it's time to get going already!
But I know life isn't that linear and it's that kind of reductive thinking that got me into this mess in the first place (pain is bad, remove pain, life is good!). Thank you thank you thank you for reminding me of that.
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