I am a mess
 

I have not been drinking or taking any pills since June 3 so I am over my 30 days - my husband of 33 years left me with no warning back in Sept '12 and I started to self medicate so I wouldn't feel the pain. That didn't seem to be working. So I quit everything. I was doing fine till two days ago when he showed up in town with new girlfriend - 20 years his junior. I am a mess and really want to not feel this.

Glad you are here :)

What I have come to learn is that there is no issue or problem in my life that drinking or using will make any better. It only makes things worse.

Congrats on your 30 days! That is a HUGE accomplishment, be proud of yourself for that!

Hi kc,
Can't say I blame you. I wouldn't want to feel that either. Who would?

However, I would want to feel the great satisfaction of knowing I'm strong, courageous, forgiving, positive, and a whole lot of other great things I know I'm capable of being if I just feel what I feel, learn from it and move on. I can't have it both ways.

Living good is the best revenge. You do what's best for you now.

No doubt that is very upsetting. You make it through this you'll make it through anything. Good Luck. Rootin for ya. :egypt:

I'm sorry you're going through this. The thing is, alcohol numbs for awhile, but you'll eventually have to deal with the pain. I can imagine that trying to take some small positive steps towards re-building your life will really help you.

Massive hugs to you kc :hug: What an arse! But like you said, the drugs weren't working so stick with sobriety and you will make it through this. There is a lot of support available here, stick around x

:welcome to the family! I'm sorry for the circumstances that brought you here but glad you joined us. :hug:

Welcome Kc - you'll find a lot of support and understanding here :)

D

Girl, just face the feelings because using doesn't get rid of them. Any feelings you try to run from by using will still be waiting when you stop using. You have to learn to face them down, and I think you will realize they arent so scary. You are stronger than you are aware of, so know that. Besides, if you use, then you are letting him win, and we wouldn't want that, would we? Never let the actions of another person dull your shine..........EVER! You may not see it now, but it sounds like you are better off without him.

kc, I'm so, so sorry you are having to deal with this pain :(

My first husband died 17 yrs. ago...that was horrible, lifechanging,
I got married again and thought it was "happily ever after"......WRONG!

So, after 8 yrs. together, hubby #2 decided he didn't want to be married anymore, and we split up. (Get this, he still wanted to be "friends", and maybe do double dates with our next significant others.....yeah, he really did say that)

The pain from that second divorce was so bad, it rivaled the pain from the death of my soul-mate....and I tried to drink it away. I drank so much, cried so much, drank some more, but I found out it didn't ever help! Seriously, that was a shock, too. I was drunk AND still feeling it. Now my ex has moved to another state for a girl he met online, and has been living with her for a few years.

It will take a while to get through this phase, kc, but I have to admit that it does get easier. Never the same, but the pain does ease up. You just have to reinvent your life.

A new life without alcohol or drugs will be the best all around, for your physical and mental well-being. Don't blame yourself for the break-up (I'm sure you already have another culprit in mind), but you are responsible for YOU for the rest of your life :)

I'm glad you found this forum; it has been a lifeline for me. so much info, encouragement and support from many people who are going through the same stuff as you are. You might want to look up the Women in Recovery threads for some support, also.

Congrats on your over 30 days sober! Keep posting, and I wish you peace and good luck on your new journey....

~Heartfan
(p.s. I'm from Cali, too, it's still home to me)

OUCH!

But it would probably feel even worse if you were the pathetic drunk ex, where as now, you are the rocking ex who is pulling her life together!

My girlfriend left me, my best friend kicked me out of his flat, my family and friends wanted nothing to do with me, I lost my job, I was sleeping in parks and old office buildings, the bouncer at my pub beat me up, I had no money, no possessions, my bodily functions seem to have a mind of their own, I was full of fear, I was alone and hopeless.

It turns out these were just the right conditions for me to get sober.