funkynassau

I have a friend who is 55 and an alcoholic. I've known him for about 18 months and I am really tired of dealing with his problems. He leans on me way too much and I find myself backing away from him, he really stresses me out. I came here to learn how to either cope with him and his addiction or how to get myself away from him.

We live in a rural area, it's impossible to not run into him somewhere in town. I find myself going out earlier in the morning than I'd like because I want to avoid him, so far it's worked.

He is demanding, manipulative, a crier, a whiner, pushy, negative, all the things I've read and heard about alcoholics.

I quit answering the phone when it's him because all he does is complain about life in general, an ex whom he seems to have really loved but she was so unstable and it ended badly. He lives with his elderly mother and they fight like cat and dog all the time. So now he's emailing me several times a day.

I've tried to be honest and explain his behaviour just doesnt work for me, I cant deal with it anymore, so he accuses me of not being a friend when he needs one. I've been as supportive as I can be but I've had enough.

I need some words of wisdom from people here in a similar situation, and thanks in advance!

Funkynassau

least

to SR! It's hard when someone is leaning on your for your unwilling support. I would just avoid his calls and emails as you've been doing and keep him at a distance.


He won't get help until he wants it so there's nothing you can do for him. Just keep yourself at a distance so he won't drive you nutty.

funkynassau

Thanks for your reply. That's pretty much what I've been doing. There is a compassionate part of me that hates that I feel like this, but my first obligation is to me, not him. I guess he just hasnt hit bottom yet.

doggonecarl

Being an alcoholic, I was probably the demanding, manipulative, crying, whining, pushy, negative person you are describing.

Most of the people I treated this way, cut me from their lives. They were wise to do so.

You don't need our permission to cut a toxic person from your life. But you need the strength to do it.

Good luck.

hypochondriac

Bear in mind that there is a possibility that this guy would be exactly the same without the alcohol. Even if he gets better you might not want him around.

I had a problem with a stalkery type once. It was really effecting my life because they texted me constantly (like 100's of texts a day) and turned up on my doorstep all the time, threatening to commit suicide and leaving ambiguous texts and then not responding to 'are you okay' messages. It was hell. Eventually though they ran out of steam I think. I was very careful not to do anything to encourage that behaviour and I think maybe when they saw they weren't getting what they wanted they moved on.

I hope you find the same x

funkynassau

So true, I might not want him around if he was sober, tho first thing in the morning before he's gone to the beer store he is somewhat rational and can be funny and interesting. However that lasts just an hour or so til he gets back into the beer.

The good part is he doesnt know where I live. Now dont you think it's odd a person doesnt tell someone who's supposed to be a friend where they live? I purposely didnt tell him how to get here (I live in the boonies) because I dont want him on my doorstep, ever, and he's hyper critical of anyone who is not a neat freak like he is. Very rude and condescending to those who are not super tidy. I am not a slob but I'd never meet his rigid expectations of how one's house should look, so I never told him how to get here.

He has threatened suicide a few times, and I refuse to be pulled into the would-be drama of that. I'm not his keeper, he's 55 yrs old, he can choose to live or not. He doesnt text me thankfully.