Messed up again
 

Tried to get clean/sober on wenesday, had huge crippling panic attacks. Tried to ride them out with meds it helped a bit. found an old bottle at the back of a drawerI was cleaning out to occupy time and drank. It felt so much better i could go out and leave the house. got more drink and got high. now I've lost spent half my pay check, cant afford to live for the month anyway now so wondering what's the point?

Inspiration?

I have dealt with panic attacks and anxiety. I will say they practically disappeared after I stopped drinking. If I do get one now, I am better able to handle it. I had to accept that I would be uncomfortable when I quit abusing alcohol. If I drink again I will only start the vicious cycle of what you are describing. Do you have any recovery support or program in place? I go to AA and that has made all the difference.

You are right. What's the point...OF DRINKING?

I don't know what to say to inspire you. Just get up and try again. If you anxiety keeps you stuck in the house, fine, if you remain sober. Leaving the house seems to get you in trouble.

Are you engaged in any face to face support?

If it wasn't clear what drinking is doing to your life before it ought to be pretty clear now. The "point" is to stop letting alcohol dictate your behavior and wreck your life, so you can recover and learn how to have the happiness that you deserve.

You were doing great there, up until "and drank."

Inspiration? There's a lot more self-respect to be found in sobriety than finding yourself with empty pockets, empty liquor bottles, and a raging hangover.

Good luck.

I cant deal with face to face meetins sober. I'm a jittery freak. i cant just give up on life and stay in doors forever just to be be straight as well.

Panic attacks, fear, anxiety and countless other negative emotions were a way of life for me.

Alcohol seemed to make the fears subside for a little while - the "can of courage" and "beer goggles" made things seem easier and fun for a few hours.

Drink all evening then awake with a racing mind and a pounding heart after a couple of hours of restless sleep. Full of self-loathing and fearful of things I may have said or done.

For some reason it took me years to realize that the alcohol I thought was helping with my social anxiety and panic attacks was really the major cause.

When you stay sober for awhile some of these feelings that have been repressed with alcohol surface and try to drag you back down. It is painful at first.

The longer you stay sober the easier the negative feelings are to deal with.


No matter how long you stay sober, a single drink will eventualy lead to more hangovers, mindless fears, and worse.

Things do get better when you're sober. Just give it some time.

I cant is all that is being said here. This needs to be replaced with " I can."
If you CANT stay in the house forever, then you CAN walk outside and go to the nearest meeting, or whatever you think will help you recover, and sit in the discomfort long enough to receive help. You CAN do this. It will take some getting adjusted too, and maybe a few tries that are not successful, but you are the only one who CAN change this. We are the ones who support the change. :)

After you get sober, the panic attacks will likely ease away, you won't need anything to stop them, including booze. Give it a try. Sobriety is cheaper too.

ive become a expert on the anxiety attacks and lack of money and they are both Alcohol related..give it some time ,things get better

Hello!

I've also got anxiety as well as depression. Getting sober was hard for me because I drank to get rid of the intense feelings I was having. One thing that helped me was to really acknowledge that what I was using for "medicine" in this case was only making me sicker in the long run. Alcohol is not like medicine as much as it's like a loan shark. You might get something good in the moment, but in time you're going to have to pay it back with a heavy interest. The calm and relief is only a debt you pay back later with worse symptoms.

It was hard to push through last time to a point where my anxiety started to lessen. Now it's at a level that's still hard, but it's one I can manage, unlike the anxiety I had when I was drinking. This was the best choice I could've made of the three options I had:

1. Get sober and suffer through some intense short term anxiety until my body/brain readjusted to a level where therapy skills, medication and recovery programs could really treat my anxiety.

2. Go between temporary relief with alcohol and intense anxiety when it wore off, and continue the process for the rest of my life.

3. Be drunk every second of the day. Would've lead to me either drinking myself into homelessness or an overdose.

This is brilliantly put! So true.

Hi. I sort of had your dilemma when I was still drinking. I was told to man up and make a choice. A far better life OR this continued sick and tired of being sick and tired every day, jail, mental institution or an early death. I got honest with myself, got involved in AA and enjoy and accept life on lifes terms, 30 + years later. Do yourself and your family a favor.
BE WELL

I was still a bit...well let's be frank...slightly wasted when I wrote this post.

I know I have to do something and I suppose I was looking for someone to say "give up, just go out and do whatever you want"

It's like I'm between a rock and a hard place. I know self medicating is not the answer but I'm running out of other answers. I've been sober before for months at a time and the anxiety hasn't abated at all, even when I've been clean of cocaine. My doctor has tried me on all kinds of medications and therapy but they're less than half as effective as alcohol. I don't know if it's some sort of weird psychological but I can barely function as even a shut in when I'm sober. Stress makes me physically sick, sicker than alcohol.
Unless I have an alternative I can't work or be part of society sober. I want a different answer, I really do, but no one has been able to give me one yet.

The point is to stop digging yourself a hole so deep you can't get out. That's the point.

This is a non scientific explanation so bear with me.

Actually whats happening is your anxiety is being massively heightened by your addiction to alcohol.

You're addicted.

Your body/mind knows if you/it gets to a certain point of anxiety you'll soothe it with alcohol so it tries to get to that point as often as it can.

It's a self fulfilling circle that suits your addictive self very well.

To break this cycle you're going you're have to do a couple of things:

• don't drink - no matter what
• put up with some discomfort and displeasure for a while
• and get more help

- maybe you need more than your current dr on the case here, for example snowedunder?

It sounds plausible surely it would've fixed itself after months of sobriety? People always tell me to wait longer and longer as if they're trying to trick me into being anxious forever.

I'm not a Dr - just sharing what happened to me:)

I think it depends on how long 'months' is - it took me at least 3 months to even feel there would be any change....

and it also depends, very much, on whether you've always been anxious or whether this is a new thing.

if the anxiety was pre-existing to you drinking, I think it's unlikely to disappear without professional help.

D

Pre-existing by about 25 years. It's probably the reason I turned to alcohol in the first place.
I've had drugs and therapy all whilst sober and over many years. I NEED to find something that works as well as alcohol. The last time I had therapy (CBT) I got more anxious having to go to therapy sober, so much so that it all backfired and made me worse over all.
But the kicker is, my true DoC (love for it not in a self-medicating way) is cocaine. Cocaine causes anxiety but not in me, at least not in a way that impacts me (I feel good when I use so I don't care my heart is racing etc.). So...if that's the case, is my anxiety even...real?

Well you have to get a little willpower going on for yourself. No one can make this sobriety thing happen for you, but you. Maybe you havent gotten to the point where you want it bad enough, but I think you will eventually. The best thing you can do from any relapse is to learn from it and try again, but change up your strategy. Good luck!

you can start with AA meetings on line, plenty on Skype since you can't sit still at a face to face meeting. get a sponsor, plenty on line as well who can help you and explain to you what the first step is. see different doctors until you get the right Meds for the panic attaks. when one hits "real" bottom, they start taking this sobriety thing seriously regardless of anxiety, fear or panik attaks. seek medical help for your panic attaks, get them out of the way and get busy on becoming who you always knew you could become.