dripdry

Hi,

I've been sober about two years. I got sober after I woke up in the hospital. I had been going home with someone I met at the bar...he was drunk too, got in an accident. He didn't make it.

After the accident I moved in with my mother because of my injuries. I'm still with her. I'm OK now. Back to work and other than some scars and pain I'm fine.

About two months ago I met a great guy. Things were going well. I froze up. Just froze up. So that ended and life just feels empty, and boring, and I don't know how to have a relationship.

A few men at my meetings have asked me out. I just laugh them off, pretend they're joking. I don't want to get together with another former alcoholic. I don't want the fights and drama or for my life with a partner to revolve around AA. That is what I see from the other AA couples I know.

I feel like I am trying to make up for the bad things I did while I was drinking. I don't know if I ever can.

Grungehead

Welcome dripdry!

Have you talked to your sponsor about how you are feeling?

NativeCali

Hi, I'm new here too. Sobriety date June 23,2013. Sounds like you are looking for direction. You have made it through a harrowing experience and have done a great job putting your life back together. Of course, life continues to happen and we feel down sometimes. For me, the difference in sobriety is that my feelings don't hold me hostage any more. I use the tools I am learning in the AA program to cope with bad feelings and life in general. It is important to reach out, do not isolate. This allows your thoughts to take over. Are you working a program? Do you go to meetings, have a sponsor?
Big hug to you, remember "This,too, shall pass."

dripdry

Yes, She says that things have a way of working out in time, and that I'm not ready for a relationship. To take care of today and not worry about the possibility that I might be alone tomorrow.

I believe she is right, but life does feel empty right now. Even though all my time is busy, if that makes sense. My mother is 70 but I feel like I am living the same life as her, even though I am only 42.

dripdry

You are brand new! So let me encourage you. It gets easier. Not drinking I mean. I think I was lucky I was in the hospital for a few weeks at first. I had a clean break from drinking, then I went to my mother's and she doesn't drink at all.

I am in AA, and active. I have a great sponsor. I had two sponsees , they both relapsed and didn't come back. I'm not sponsoring right now. I set up and take down for three meetings a week.

I'm also active in my mother's church. They were so great to us when I was in that accident.

Sounds like you are working a good program.

ANGELINA243

Welcome dripdry! Glad you are here. You will find lots of support here.

Grungehead

Yes it makes perfect sense LOL. Your sponsor is right, even if it may not be what you want to hear. Looking back it seems like all of the good relationships I have been in happened when I was ready for them and not when I wanted them to happen. I've also had a few that I forced into happening but we won't talk about those.

dripdry

My sponsor is a few years younger than me. When I first got started she was in the process of divorcing a man in AA. Since then she's been in three other relationships with men in AA. Sometime I feel like she doesn't understand how I feel, because she is always with someone, and doesn't know what it's like to be alone. It's easy for her to say those words and tell me to not worry about it, but can't really commiserate.

Wow, it sounds like all I am thinking about is men. It is something that has been on my mind a lot lately, but I don't think it's the most important thing that is going on.

Hmm, you know how life feels really small when you are drinking. I am sober, but my life feels really small. First I was so busy healing from the accident, getting my life back, going back to work and doing my steps. Now?

Grungehead

It may be time to help other alcoholics?

If you have completed the steps maybe think about becoming a sponsor yourself. I do understand the feeling though I wasn't in a relationship for the last 2+ years of my drinking (besides the one I had with booze). But I pretty much knew I was "undateable" in the condition I was in so I didn't even try. Hopefully one day soon the right person will come along in your life and it will be so much better because you are sober!

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Dripdry

Don't go isolating yourself in your head by thinking other people don't understand Everyone has different experiences but that doesn't mean they don't have empathy. My relationship experience is similar to you getting sober. I have turned people down and then felt lonely. It seemed an odd thing to do but then when I really think about it I don't want somebody hanging around. I also had a habit of compromising a lot in relationships and I just can't afford to do that right now. This might sound daft but my mind really calmed down on this front when I got my dog. I think my need to take care of someone is satisfied and I don't feel so lonely. It is also a great way to meet new people and a great distraction. Dogs live so much in the moment it's impossible not to join them there sometimes and that solves almost everything

dripdry

Thankyou for the warm welcome and food for thought.

Neither my mother or I are dog people but I will talk to my sponsor about sponsoring again.