Another all nighter...
 

I've done what I always do and cut back on the drink but worked my way up to usual ridiculous levels. I got through a bottle of vodka and a few beers last night and made myself ill. i didn't eat and have landed a hangover from hell and bad stomach etc. I'm not happy with myself and I can't seem to stop the cycle. I keep getting anxiety attacks when I'm hung over which are unpleasant to say the least and negative thoughts/feelings keep creeping over me. I hate this part of drinking the most.

Hey James,

Perhaps breaking the cycle just needs a change into the patterns that set it off in the first place. If there's any help we can be in figuring out other means for you to try, the SR Army will be here.

Hope you're able to find what works. It took me a number of tries and bombed experiments until I found something that got me out of the cycle.

I have no control over it whatsoever. I'm getting to the point where I just don't know how to stop. I've tried and failed so many times I feel like throwing in the towel. My life is not what I want it to be and I can't change :c004:

Yes, you can change. You get through the first day. Don't buy any alcohol and get rid of any alcohol you have. Go out and do something to keep you busy. If you feel too unwell to go out, watch a movie, read a book, call someone. Get through each minute. There is no easy way around it. The anxiety will be tough, but you don't have to go through it again.

Don't give up James,we ve all been there,with the dark thoughts that refuse to leave our heads.i m the same as u but on day 5 now & starting to feel almost human again.It will pass just don t pick up that first drink..stay strong mate.

Thanks for the replies. I'm having a ****** day and am feeling sorry for myself. I guess I'll just have to suck it up and give it another go. I know the outcome of NOT trying so that isn't really an option.

Hi James,

I had all of the symptoms as you have right now...stomach problems, anxiety attacks, negative thoughts, and had absolutely no control over how much I would drink. I too felt like giving up, I felt there was no hope for me to stop drinking. Ironically when I did "give up" that is when I got sober. I gave up the thought that I would EVER be able to control my drinking and the only way I could stop is to not drink at all. I went to a doctor to help get through the withdrawals and I started going to AA for support. What I found there is that I am not unique at all, and there is a simple solution to my problem if I am willing to follow the suggestions of others that have recovered from the same problem.

You don't have to keep living this way, but you do have to admit you have a problem first. To solve any problem in life one must identify it before a solution can be found. My problem is a lack of power (over alcohol) and I have concluded that the solution to my problem is to find an outside power to help me stop drinking.

I am ready to admit I have a serious issue with alcohol. I've said this before but it's hitting home now and I'm realizing this isn't easy. I drank a bottle of wine yesterday afternoon and that started me on a bender that lasted until 6a.m this morning. I went camping with friends and i was drunk before I even got in the car (I wasn't driving). I had nothing to eat and din't even put the tent up. I threw my stuff on the floor and proceeded to get wrecked. That was not 24 hours after recovering from my last binge. That is not a healthy relationship to have with booze.

I can relate. For the last year or two I didn't eat much, especially if it might interfere with my buzz. It's amazing what we are willing to do to ourselves to chase that "feeling" that seems impossible to find anymore.

You're reaching out and that's the first step! Hang in there, James!! Stop the insanity.. Drink lots of water and eat something.. Sorry you're having a bad day!

Exactly. I know if I eat I'll possibly slow down drinking or make myself sick, so food is off the menu until after I've done poisoning myself for the day. I don't even enjoy it all that much any more - I just feel worn down and numb most of the time because of it and it's costing me a small fortune (that I haven't really got).

Thanks Dave, I've just made myself something. Hopefully I'll feel a bit more human after it.

sorry you feel poorly but glad you're back :)

maybe it's time to try something different to whatever you've been doing for your recovery James?

D

So the plan you have right now is not working. The definition of insanity is "Repeating the same action, expecting a different outcome". Your heart is in the right place, but you need to revamp your sobriety strategy. Its okay, sometimes getting sober is a trial and error process. Time to try and new approach, which might mean seeking outside help.

I think one of the reasons I'm finding it hard to quit is other people. Or me be worried about other people's reactions to me quitting. I'm beginning to realize though that some of the people in my life have problems with alcohol too (or problems they're using alcohol to deal with) and don't really want to address them. Without naming names (not that it matters as they won't see this) one of my friends can be very negative and snarky and I'm starting to question why I spend time with him.

I said that very thing to myself the other night while drinking. I annoy myself because I can see what I'm doing but still carry on doing it. I agree that a different approach is in order.

Sorry to hear it. I also drank a ton of vodka every day and night, and would wake up feeling just like you described. I can assure you that the sick, hungover, and anxiety feelings will not get better, they will only get worse. There are two ways out - continue, and face hospitalization or worse, or quit. You clearly want to quit and should be commended for posting and bringing this up here - so what's the plan?

In the beginning of trying to get sober I went to AA and heard things I didn't like so the suffering continued. As I say so often, I had to get honest with myself and really want to stop drinking. I was told that if I wanted to stop take the cotton out of my ears and put it in my mouth, stop wining, sit up front and listen and get a sponsor and use him. I found I couldn't BS a BSer as he knew what I was going to say before I said it. Part of what I found out is that drinking stops emotional growth and I needed a long repair period by going to many meetings if I wanted to or not. I was told there are softer easier ways to stop but in the long run are not as effective as hard work. Most of that work involves MY inventory which most people revolt against, in which it was discovered that I/we drink because of our mishandled feelings. Enough already, KEEP COMING. BE WELL

When I was feeling miserable after drinking, physically, mentally and emotionally, I discovered that having a few drinks made me feel better right away.

That's the damn insanity of it, because I was just putting off dealing with those issues until a future date. Of course, when the booze wore off and I had to deal with those feelings, it was easier to have more alcohol to avoid them.

The only way to get off the "merry-go-round" is to change your thinking and behavior.

Near the end of my drinking career I was underweight. My legs and arms looked like twigs and my face was gaunt. I didn't eat because it interferred with my drunk and welll if I had to buy food or booze the booze always won out. Not eating didn't keep me from getting sick. I just vomited bile and whatever water I drank well that came up too.

My teeth were wrecked by years and years of drinking cheap sherry full of sugar and horrible eating. And not taking care of them. I actually had to get most of them pulled out and get dentures. My dentist said that my bone mass has really shrunk and now I have to get a scan done because I might have the beginning of osteoporosis.

This dieasea is so hard on our bodies and I have no one to blame but myself. But I refuse to feel sorry for myself as that will get me no where. It will take me backwards if I let it.

Your life can be what you want it to be, but it is up to YOU to change it.

Changing who you hang around with might help James, that's for certain. In fact, you will most likely need to make some major lifestyle changes to quit for good.

I was kind of at the stage you are at before my most recent ( and hopefully last ) attempt to quit. The anxiety/panic attacks when I was hung over and some major binge drinking in the last year or so of my drinking really was what put me over the edge.

Having said all that though, you are the one that controls the change. You must realize that before you can become truly sober. No one around you can "make" you drink or keep you from quitting. Sure they can make it easier to keep drinking but only YOU can really put the plug in the jug and make it happen.

I am not an AA person but I have been to AA meetings in the past. Perhaps since you have been having such a rough time of it you could use some veery regimented local support and structure like AA provides. The worst thing that can happen is you spend an hour with some people who have the same problem as you and are trying to quit, right?

Best of luck and stay here at SR too - it's been a tremendous help to me.