hrich1122

The past 1.5 months have been an amazing eye opener for me. I managed to destroy everything just by chosing to have a drink.
I drank one night and was confronted by my husband about it the next morning. He was SO frustrated at this point that he hit me. So ofcourse I called the police and he was arressted now facing criminal charges.
We live with his family ( I have absolutley NO ONE here). So of course everyone hates me and blames me for him hitting me because " Had I not drank, we wouldve never faught" AND.... I feel absolutley responsable for everything.
We can no longer be around each other. My children are SO confused and sad.
I havnt drank since then. Perhaps this was my wake up call. I really did have to lose it all and mess up everything to decide that was IT.
Im not attending out patient rehab and going to weekly AA meetings.
But now Im left trying to figure out where to go from here.... Im so lost. Confused. ALONE.

newpower

You are not alone we have all been in bad situations because of drinking. I would say try aa it's free and you will find support there most rehab places suggest you go after you g have competed the program any how.

aa has helped me alot I say give it a try you have nothing to lose but your misery.

hrich1122

I found a Womans AA meeting that Ive been attending every sunday before church. I find all of the ladies really helpul and supportive. Which is what I need right now when I have none.
I feel so guilty. I know reguardless of weather I drank or not, my husband still shouldnt have hit me. But I feel like my children are never going to forgive me for destroying their family. The one they deserved.
I dont even know how to get back on good terms with my husband after all of this.
I can't "fix" anything. And EVERYTHING in my life is so uncertian. The only certianty I have right now...is that Im not drinking. And will not again.

Isaiah

In a situation like this I think foremost is that you need to be in a safe place. Not just from his violence but if his family is condoning criminal acts against you that is not a situation you need accept. I found this list of resources in your area. Not only could they be a non-threatening place to stay but also should have supports to help you with your feelings of confusion and loneliness.

Community Resources - Bethel School District

That you drank may have been a mistake, but what you're going through now is not even remotely a reasonable consequence. You did not make this mess.

All the best wishes and prayers from your neighbor down south.

Dee74

I see it pretty clearly hrich: there is no excuse for violence - ever.

I think Isaiah's idea is a good one - maybe it's time for you & your children to move on out of the environment you're in?

D

Nighthawk8820

Im glad you are taking responsibility for you actions and drinking, but I have to say, there is absolutely no reason to hit another person. I dont care how mad or frustrated he was, that is no excuse, and you are not at all responsible for that. A man should never lay his hands on a woman, no if's, and's, or but's.

That being said, you know you have a problem and maybe this situation will propel you into getting sober and having it stick this time. You know you cant have just one, we all cant. It doesnt work, but chalk it up to a learning experience. Sounds like you need a change of pace in life, which is what sobriety can offer you. Make a plan, learn as much as you can, and stick with it. If you fail, dust yourself off and give it another go until you find a method that works for you. God Bless!

Also, the way you feel right now will pass. They call it rock bottom for a reason, and its not supposed to be pleasant or fun. You will rise up and feel better, but never forget how you feel RIGHT now. Hold that in your memory, so next time you feel tempted, you can recall this day and how you felt. Write yourself a note and seal it in an envelope. Describe how you feel, what you are thinking, and what is going on. When you start to forget or think about having "Just one", open that letter.

hrich1122

THank you for the responses. With EVERYTHING thats going on, Im really just trying to deal with my problems one step at a time.
My husband took our family from our home, everything we are used to and moved us down to California where all of HIS family and friends are. I have no job, no house, no family, no friends. My only saving grace at the moment is that in order to look like the ******* that he is...my husband is putting money into my account.
My first thing on priority list was getting and staying SOBER. Now that I feel confident in working on this issue, Im also focusing on finding a job so I can get into my own place and feel some sense of normal. For myself and my kids. At the moment theyre going back and forth between the two of us and its really not good for them.
I know there was no excuse for my husband to hit me. And Im not buying into what his family is trying to feed me. It wasnt my fault. But THIS was my rock bottom. And I needed this to happen so I would get my **** together. Being around him brought up too much anger and I really dont think I stood a chance at sobriety so long as he was around. I will NEVER forget how terrible my life feels at this very moment.
The odd thing is, even though I feel like my entire world has collapsed around me...I still feel a sense of peace. I believe in myself. I feel happy ( though still sad often) I feel encouraged and really believe amazing things are going to happen.

Anna

There is no excuse for violence, ever. You are not to blame for his hitting you.

You need a safe place, away from him and his family and somewhere where you and your children can stay.

I am really glad that you are feeling good and making positive steps towards recovery and a good life for yourself and your children.

Please do not hesitate to contact a Women's Shelter if you feel the need.

vkf

No one should do that.. no excuses end of story un accepteable.

hrich1122

Wow. Has my drinking really convinced me that EVERYTHING is my fault at this point? It wasnt until I read the responses that I feel like a fool for buying into it.
It really is no suprise. His infidelity on several occassions was because Ive drank also. And I also believed that to be true.

Removing myself has really opened my eyes. geez!

Petecrab

Without sounding blunt , if he has hit you because you had one relapse on doing soemthing that will change your life then surely you are better off finding a man who is worthy of you? (I don't have kids so don't understand the. Ins and outs of break ups). Don't let anybody. Not even your husband effect your progress and all the wonders things you are doing to change and better your life

hypochondriac

I was hesitant to say this before because I don't want to sound judgemental but from your previous posts your husband sounds very controlling. Taking the car keys is one thing and but the way he controls your finances and now this... I think you would do well to become independent and recover for yourself and your kids. I know this is a horrible situation but there might be a lot of good here. Take care of yourself x

hrich1122

I think you're correct. Its amazing it has taken me this long to see it. Reflecting back , none of it was normal. And while I don't blame anyone for my drinking...I'm still firm in believing that he wanted me to fail to keep control over me.
I'm very thankful for the protection order right now. It has given me peace and time to work on myself without worrying about his temper or him telling me what a terrible person I am. This past month not drinking has been easy for me even though everything is terrible. I'm hoping jobs start panning out so I can get back on my feet.

Lightning Bug

You sound clear and ready for change. Hats off to you!
I agree with a PP - maybe it is time to get out from under his family - that environment breeds toxicity.

I hope you can find some friends here. I am early recovery too - if you need to talk, I will here for you. And remember - there is NO EXCUSE for violence. None.

Weasel1966

H... I went through a similar situation. My partner hit me and put me in the hospital. There is never a reason for hitting.

I felt like maybe I caused it because we were both drinking. But I have learned I am not responsible. Same as you are not either.

I agree... Move out if you can.

Take care.

sugarbear1

Stay stopped, get in person support, and move forward with life with a clear head!

Hugs to you