Hello to everyone,
 

I am new to these forums but and quite familiar with forums in general. I have been sober just over 10 months and even though I have made so much personal progress in the last 10 months, my personal life has taken a nosedive in ways I never thought possible and I am completely and totally lost as to what to do.

That happens. Stick with it and press on, you can meet new people who are true friends, once you build up some confidence and start venturing out into unknown situations. I lost all my old friends when I got sober, and I think it is best that way. Congrats on the 10 months, now what can you do to keep growing and challenging yourself?

Welcome Bridgette :)

Whatever the detail of the problem is I know you'll find help here :)

D

Welcome Bridgette!

Congrats on your 10 months :)

Would you like to share what's bothering you?

Welcome, Bridgette,

I was also kind of blind-sided by some things in my life in early recovery. I hope you can find some peace.

Thank you all for your welcome and kind thoughts. I actually would like to share a bit if you will indulge me as I am in a real quandary and do not know what to do.

I will start with I am 42 almost 43, I was never much of a drinker in my teens or even until I passed 30.

I then decided to relive those years in my after divorcing from my husband in 2003. I only occasionally dated until 2005 and then entered an 18 month relationship with a man who was literally my kindred spirit however together and drinking we were like gasoline and a match. Hand down the best and worst relationship I ever had, but the thing was is I don't feel as if I ever loved him more than I just had such an insane chemical attraction.

Surprisingly, I never drank at all until my mid-forties. I hit a period, a kind of perfect storm in my life, and I began drinking at night to sleep. I think I became addicted within weeks. That was followed by three years of lying, sneaking around and messing up my life.

I know that you will be able to find your way. Stay sober, focus on recovery.

Welcome Bridgette. This kind of thing happens, since I've become sober, my life has gone to hell. I actually intend to write a post about it if I get off my lazy butt. However, with what has happened, were I still drinking, I think things would only be worse.

So needless to say the other fellow was not a good lifetime choice so I parted ways in 2006. At this point a started dating someone who I had known for a few years and had an attraction to but circumstances were really never in place until late 2006.

So we started to date, I have 3 kids that were 17, 7 & 6 at the time. I was very leary of having anyone around my kids other than to say hello and goodbye unless I knew I wanted a future with them.

As time progressed we grew closer dated and saw each other frequently and I introduced him to my kids. At the time he was building a house and when it was done he asked us to all move in with him and we did in October of 2007.

The first three years were great even though his mother lives in our home too but in her own apartment. We were a team we were affectionate, loving etc. but then one day I realized that what was once social drinking for me had become an addiction. It took about 8 months if trying to convince myself otherwise and that I was just stressed until I started having anxiety and panic attacks at work, which landed me in the ER two times.

Welcome Bridgette - I see that you're in the process of telling your story - but I want to say hello. You found a great place with many compassionate & supportive people. We're glad you're here. :)

It was at this time that I was outed so to speak and everyone close to me knew I had a drinking problem and that I was indeed an alcoholic. At first they tried to ply liquor from my hands and then finally I went to a DR. admitted what I was doing and quit.

Well of course I held strong for a good three months but then I did that route we all do. We start with non alcoholic beer, end up convincing ourselves we can drink one or two and then the viscous cycle started all over again. I went through this start and stop get drunk and be sick , get sober and be six for 6 months. In the midst of this I lost my job while on FMLA but I did get my unemployment.

Yes, I hate long never ending posts they are so heard to read and keep up with so I decided to break this down.

Okay, back on topic at the end of last August I put the bottle down, started therapy and AA and have moved forward by leaps and bounds. I will not lie our relationship was extremely strained at this point and I knew I was going to have to prove that I could live my life sober, with a purpose and be a good partner.

On a side note he has a job that requires him to be come for two weeks at a time and then home for two weeks at a time. So basically our relationship has only been 50% actual face to face time.

Well, we struggled a few months at first as I had to face him telling me the reality of the damage and pain I had caused not only to my kids but myself and him too.

I made the decision though that the changes I made had to be for me first, my kids second and to him third. Around the holidays everything seemed to pick up and was going really well. He bought me a new diamond engagement ring for Christmas and even though I knew his very large family knew of my issues I sucked it up and went to the family functions with me and the kids with a smile on my face and my head held high even though he was not at home.

So we planned a wedding for the summer, I have my dress, shoes etc. but then the opportunity for me to go back to college on a Pell Grant became available and so I chose to put off getting married to get a degree. Since March of this year I have completed two full semesters of college in mini sessions at the local community college and I am know on my third. This means that within 5 months I will have completed a year and a half towards my associates degree. That means I can move on to my Bachelors in January.

BTW, I have busted my but day and night and proudly have a 4.00 average and was just inducted into the National Honor Society for College Students. I have also become a certified Mental Health first aid worker and a certified recovery coach, So on my end everything was great, until.

I started to notice around mid March of this year that he was being distant almost cold on occasions. the next time he went back to work, where he used to call daily it would be 3-4-5 days in between calls.

Well I am not stupid by any means so I finally called and asked if he was mad at me? answer No, Are you cheating on me or thinking about it? answer No.

Well then what the hell is going on? I don't know I just don't feel like talking to anyone.
Well after that I reminded him he had a family and that we worried about him when we did not hear from him.

Well after a day or so he snapped back around and said he was sorry but he had been taking Chantix to quit smoking and it had him all out of whack. I told him that that drug can have serious side effects and could also cause depression to which he assured me was not the case.

Okay, so he comes home for the two weeks at home and all is good, he goes back for the next two and calls every day but then in June when my oldest graduated from college we were to go away for the night go to the graduation and meet up with my parents who were flying in.

Well he seemed annoyed that we were going for a whole night and once we got home he just seemed weird again.

So his nest time back to work he called on day 2 Wed. then texted due to really bad storms on Friday then called again Sunday. I called him the nest Wed and missed his return call and then I called and left a message Thursday night, Now at this point I am tired of the BS and I am not a happy camper.