Wife's Addiction
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 4
Wife's Addiction
I have been married for 16 yrs and my Wife has been actively addicted to Painkillers.
I have asked my wife multiple times to give up her addiction, and I don't really know if she ever will.
My question is about the people that are in her life. My hope is that one day she will stop this destructive behavior but at this point I am not hopeful at all. Currently all of her family members (Mother, Sister, Brother) and life long friends have the same additions or worse. They enable and provide each other. Her whole life seems to be about maintaining these relationships, and they have taken priority over me and her children.
Not to mention the constant negative toxic behavior that they seem to feed off of.
I feel like that this is a battle that I can not win.
Is this common?
What would be the reasonable expectation about those relationships if I expect her to give up her addiction?
I have asked my wife multiple times to give up her addiction, and I don't really know if she ever will.
My question is about the people that are in her life. My hope is that one day she will stop this destructive behavior but at this point I am not hopeful at all. Currently all of her family members (Mother, Sister, Brother) and life long friends have the same additions or worse. They enable and provide each other. Her whole life seems to be about maintaining these relationships, and they have taken priority over me and her children.
Not to mention the constant negative toxic behavior that they seem to feed off of.
I feel like that this is a battle that I can not win.
Is this common?
What would be the reasonable expectation about those relationships if I expect her to give up her addiction?
Nothing is impossible!
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: EAGAN
Posts: 792
Originally Posted by TappedOut74 
I have been married for 16 yrs and my Wife has been actively addicted to Painkillers.
I have asked my wife multiple times to give up her addiction, and I don't really know if she ever will.
My question is about the people that are in her life. My hope is that one day she will stop this destructive behavior but at this point I am not hopeful at all. Currently all of her family members (Mother, Sister, Brother) and life long friends have the same additions or worse. They enable and provide each other. Her whole life seems to be about maintaining these relationships, and they have taken priority over me and her children.
Not to mention the constant negative toxic behavior that they seem to feed off of.
I feel like that this is a battle that I can not win.
Is this common?
What would be the reasonable expectation about those relationships if I expect her to give up her addiction?
I have asked my wife multiple times to give up her addiction, and I don't really know if she ever will.
My question is about the people that are in her life. My hope is that one day she will stop this destructive behavior but at this point I am not hopeful at all. Currently all of her family members (Mother, Sister, Brother) and life long friends have the same additions or worse. They enable and provide each other. Her whole life seems to be about maintaining these relationships, and they have taken priority over me and her children.
Not to mention the constant negative toxic behavior that they seem to feed off of.
I feel like that this is a battle that I can not win.
Is this common?
What would be the reasonable expectation about those relationships if I expect her to give up her addiction?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: San Diego
Posts: 611
Sadly, I have to agree with Nighthawk; maybe time to think about saving yourself and the kids if she's unwilling to get sober or even try. Al-anon and Narconon (spelling?) and great resources. I am sober but I also have family members who are addicted to pills and alcohol and won't get sober right now... My dad is one of them, actually, and it breaks my heart. I feel for you. You have to do what's best for YOU and those children - I'm sure you love your wife but she might never get it unless she looses things that matter to her? My mom just left my dad last year after 30 years... She tried everything. Finally she couldn't deal with it anymore. She seems much happier now. Not sure what will happen with my dad. It WAS a wake up call for him, he's just still struggling. I will pray for you and your family. Hugs
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 4
Thank you for your responses, and I wanted to update you all.
I discovered that my teenage daughter has been cutting herself.
When I spoke to her about it, she tells me that she is how she copes with the stress, drama, and anger that her Mother was bringing to the home because of her addiction.
Unfortunately this was a wake up call for me.
Filled with rage, I gave my wife some money and told her she needed to leave. Instead of going to her Mother's house or a friends she insisted that she go to a hotel. Knowing that I had to get her out of the house, I drove her to a hotel, paid for a room for the weekend, and dropped her off. I told her that I did not want her back in our home (This was on Fri Dec 13th). During this process she admitted to having an issue, and admitted to all the lies and manipulation. This only angered me further.
I did not hear much from her over the weekend, but by Monday she stated calling and texting me begging me to allow her to come home. I stood my ground and continued to tell her that I had to do what was right for my children. I was very content with my decision.
On Tuesday she just showed up at the house, and when I asked her to leave she would begin crying uncontrollably. She began to claim that she would do anything to get her life back together. I told her that it was no longer my problem, and I no longer have time to waste on her (Hash I know). I told her that I accept that I did not create this problem, and I cannot fix this problem. That it belonged to her and her alone.
She would not leave, so I told her that since I could not make her leave that I was going to begin to look for a new place to live and I was taking the kids with me. She then told me that she was going to get help. Due to my guilt about the upcoming Holidays and an opportunity to get her started on getting help I decided to allow this to play out. I spoke to my daughter about it and she agreed it was the right thing to do.
Two days later my wife contacted a Doctor and started a prescription of Suboxone.
She has been taking it everyday since.
The Holidays have come and gone, and now here we are. I feel like I am in between a rock and a hard place. I love my wife, but I hate her addiction. My daughter and I are still very skeptical about her recovery even though it appears that she is doing well on the medicine. My daughter still has the expectation that he mother leave. For me the problem now is, that because of all the deception and BS over the last couple years, I have no energy left for this. I also know that I am not a good support person for my wife. I want her to succeed, but I don't want to take the risk of her not succeeding and the damage that it could cause to my daughter.
I feel like that I have two lives in my hands.
Note: I know that my daughter is my number one priority, and while writing this I think I already know some of what you are going to say. But.... I think I need to hear it anyway.
I discovered that my teenage daughter has been cutting herself.
When I spoke to her about it, she tells me that she is how she copes with the stress, drama, and anger that her Mother was bringing to the home because of her addiction.
Unfortunately this was a wake up call for me.
Filled with rage, I gave my wife some money and told her she needed to leave. Instead of going to her Mother's house or a friends she insisted that she go to a hotel. Knowing that I had to get her out of the house, I drove her to a hotel, paid for a room for the weekend, and dropped her off. I told her that I did not want her back in our home (This was on Fri Dec 13th). During this process she admitted to having an issue, and admitted to all the lies and manipulation. This only angered me further.
I did not hear much from her over the weekend, but by Monday she stated calling and texting me begging me to allow her to come home. I stood my ground and continued to tell her that I had to do what was right for my children. I was very content with my decision.
On Tuesday she just showed up at the house, and when I asked her to leave she would begin crying uncontrollably. She began to claim that she would do anything to get her life back together. I told her that it was no longer my problem, and I no longer have time to waste on her (Hash I know). I told her that I accept that I did not create this problem, and I cannot fix this problem. That it belonged to her and her alone.
She would not leave, so I told her that since I could not make her leave that I was going to begin to look for a new place to live and I was taking the kids with me. She then told me that she was going to get help. Due to my guilt about the upcoming Holidays and an opportunity to get her started on getting help I decided to allow this to play out. I spoke to my daughter about it and she agreed it was the right thing to do.
Two days later my wife contacted a Doctor and started a prescription of Suboxone.
She has been taking it everyday since.
The Holidays have come and gone, and now here we are. I feel like I am in between a rock and a hard place. I love my wife, but I hate her addiction. My daughter and I are still very skeptical about her recovery even though it appears that she is doing well on the medicine. My daughter still has the expectation that he mother leave. For me the problem now is, that because of all the deception and BS over the last couple years, I have no energy left for this. I also know that I am not a good support person for my wife. I want her to succeed, but I don't want to take the risk of her not succeeding and the damage that it could cause to my daughter.
I feel like that I have two lives in my hands.
Note: I know that my daughter is my number one priority, and while writing this I think I already know some of what you are going to say. But.... I think I need to hear it anyway.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 4
Also, my wife has stopped talking to "Some" of the people that were involved with drugs with her, but not all of them (including family). This has left me and my daughter feel as though this is just a temporary situation for her.
The Suboxone doctor seems legit, but what do I know. Her sister (also and addict) recommended him even though she was tossed out of the program. I have been counting her Suboxone every morning while she has been back with us. She hasn't really left the house at all, but some people have stopped by from time to time.
The Suboxone doctor seems legit, but what do I know. Her sister (also and addict) recommended him even though she was tossed out of the program. I have been counting her Suboxone every morning while she has been back with us. She hasn't really left the house at all, but some people have stopped by from time to time.
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