struggling :/
 

Struggling but not drinking.

My emotions are on a roller coaster. But what do I expect at 5 days sober right? I've been on this crazy train so many times yet I still feel like I have no idea what is up and what is down.

Went out tonight to a movie with AA friends after the meeting tonight. I almost didn't go with the group. ..I was tempted to buy a bottle but I didn't.

My addict voice is wishing for a pill or a drink. ..I wish it would shut up

Keep your head up jstar... What you are feeling is common. Those roller coasters suck and at times you just want to put your hands up and jump off of that coaster.
Here's the thing about roller coasters, they all have a stopping point. If I could give you any advice trying remembering this, " I am not responsible for my first thought, but I am responsible for my next action. Jstar, You are doing great!!!!! Proud of you for staying in this fight. Keep it up...

Stay strong, Jstar! It's a tough time that first week, all you can do is power through it and remember that it will be worth it.:You_Rock_

I know that roller coaster. I was on it last night too.

Last night I wanted to hide. I wanted to do what I have always done and make it go away, which it does not go away, it just gets buried. Facing the emotions and the hurt sucks but there is no way around it.

I have to ride the train but I can tell you it is a better train then the one I was on. At least this train stops now and then and lets me rest and gives me some peace. The other train did not. This train is going up hill, slowly, but it moves. The other train did not. This train has wonderful supportive people on it. The other train only had me on it and it was very lonely.

I could go on but I think you see the difference. The train may suck at times but if you compare trains, I think the sobriety train is the one to stick with :)

Hang in there. I'm on day nine and learning to cope with my emotions, learning what emotions are even is almost suffocating me at times. But grabbing a bottle won't make them go away, it'll only make everything come back tenfold and I'll have to start over again.

Jstar - I'm on the coaster with you. While you may feel alone with your addictive voice, you are not.

Do you journal? One key to recovery is action. Action creates change.

Do something....and get out of your head!!

Hugs to you!

Hang on and remember when for any future shite fairy thoughts. My war cry doesn't change much: if we don't pick up the first drink we don't have to get sober again, think non drinking thoughts like losing job, family, drivers license and anything except drinking. The body is going through some serious changes we introduced into it so understanding that might help. Alcohol over the years was converted to sugar and the supply being cut off is wanted by the screwed up system along with fluids. I'm also known to utter the words MEETINGS, MEETINGS, MEETINGS and sit up front -- even when we don't want to go. BE WELL

Thanks everyone for your posts. I went to bed after posting that last night but I'll tell ya...I woke up feeling the same. There's a meeting in less than an hour that I'll be taking myself to. And a scheduled a massage appt for 2 hours after that. Having immense shoulder/neck pain...due to a strenuous job that I sit on a computer for 8 to 10 hours a day at. Man that really screws up my body, I never understood chronic pain until this last year trying so hard to get sober with nothing to numb out everything.

Someone mentioned journaling, I haven't done any of that lately...good idea. I also have been without a sponser for several weeks after my relapse after 4 months sober as she & I parted ways after her having some personal issues and pressuring me for a job.

I've just been getting a few days here & there since then. Haven't been able to keep it together.

Well I just keep trying. I have 5 days.

What does your sponsor and the oldtimers say about where you are in your recovery?


All the best.

Bob R

jstar...

sending you some good thoughts today. hang in there... and enjoy the hell out of that massage!!!

They tell me to hang in there & keep coming back. So that is what I'm doing. I don't have an issue going to meetings though, I go 1-2 times a day lately. I just feel completely hopeless

They are wise oldtimers and you are wise to follow them. Their advise is true and will come to pass.

Take a deep breath, say a prayer and keep it simple.

All the best.

Bob R

Glad you're going to a meeting. Awesome job. My first few weeks I laid in bed and wrestled with my head feeling all miserable and it was really awful. Going to meetings helps us get out of our stuff sometimes. You're doing well. Hang in there.