Starting to forget already
 

It's only been a little over 2 weeks being sober and I'm already forgetting how bad it had gotten when I had that threshold moment and realized I had to quit for good.

In her book "Drinking, a love story", Caroline Knapp says: "No matter how sickening the hangover, how humiliating the drunken behavior, how dangerous the blind-drunk drive home, we seem incapable of recalling consistently or clearly how bad things got when we drank. At certain times, when the need or desire to drink becomes too strong, those memories simply evaporate."

That scares the living freaking hell out of me!

She then goes on to say: "AA offers a solution. The fellowship--the meetings and stories and friendships formed--help alcoholics counter that flaw of selective memory, help us remember what it was like to drink, what happened to us, and how others like us changed when they stopped."

That's why I'm going to keep coming here to SR. :c029:

Me too! :) And to find and pass on experience, strength, and hope. I'm of the belief that I can accomplish that here on SR just as I can in a AA or WFS meeting.

You can always take a minute and read back to your first post. That seems to help to remember and see how far you have come. :)

Caroline's book is one of my favourite books, ever. I think she was an amazingly gifted person.

I don't use AA, but after all these years, recovery is always a part of my day. It's a part of my being. I may be blessed/tormented but I still remember how miserable my life was and some of the things I did. I try to make amends every day to the people I hurt, and that helps me to never turn back.

Before I read your whole post I was thinking "That's why I go to AA" then you quoted what the author wrote about it. AA helps me live sober, stay sober and remember why I quit. When I see a newcomer walk in scared and shaky as hell I am brought back to the beginning. I think as humans we glorify a lot of things in the past. I know I do, ex boyfriends, jobs etc. Meanwhile I moved on for a reason. It's awesome that we have programs like AA and forums like SR where we can go for support!

Alexa, I couldn't agree more with everything you wrote!

June

Maybe this is a different way of stating the same thing, or maybe not. But, the reason I want to quit, and the reason I am trying again right now (on day 4) is that I know I cannot go where i want to go and be what i want to be if i keep drinking. I definitely did things I don't want to do again and went through stuff I don't want to go through again, but I was able to put systems in place to prevent those things from happening again for the most part.

Just curious how others view these two different approaches.

I loved her book, btw.

I find it therapeutic to post your own story in the alcoholic stories area of the forum, and be as brutally honest as you can be. Then you can go back and read it anytime your AV starts messing with you thinking, making you think "Maybe things weren't that bad" or " I can control myself now". Recognize that as the addiction talking and learn to pay it no attention. You can do it, I have faith in you.

S R is a wonderful place but it is no substitute for an in person AA meeting

While I was going through pretty rough withdrawals I wrote myself a note summarizing all the awful things in my life that came from my drinking. It's not a pleasant read. I keep it in my wallet, in case I begin to forget myself.

I don't do AA. SR has been helpful

I know 50+ people with 10+ years sobriety in AA. I agree SR is helpful

I do a little of both...remembering and moving on. It's a balancing act. Choosing to do whichever one is needed at the time to continue living the life I want.

It is true that we forget how bad it was. For myself, I had to fall tremendously hard in order to see that alcohol can and will kill me. I am thankful for the support that I receive on this site. I was in AA for a year, went back into drinking, for no other reason than to drink. I felt like I could. I thought I was able to handle it. The truth, is that I was never able to handle drinking. I am just so grateful to be alive, and to be recovering from all the pain that I put myself in. If I start to feel like I need more support in my future, I will gladly walk back into AA. I know that it works. So far, I feel really good with the forum. Great Post!

Caroline Knapp's book was such an eye opener, and she said so many things that I could relate to.

It is really easy to selectively forget the bad times and problems. That's why urge surfing was a tremendous help to me. To think things through all the way to the likely conclusion was like dumping a bucket of ice water on the AV that lives to party. Usually I would think it through about as far as "okay, I caved, do I want vodka or rum? I'll really focus on Monday and start with a clean slate".