secretary

I've been struggling with my drinking for some time now, I've stopped a few times but not long. I couldn't because I couldn't possibly see myself having to give up alcohol for the rest of my life, so now I am trying to remind myself one day at a time and stay within the moment you are in.

I've been blacking out and that scares me. I'm getting older and I'm worried about my health. My father was an alcoholic and my daughter (almost 2 years sober) is an alcoholic. I have the same fears as everyone else - who do I face my social peers when it comes to drinking, will I ever have fun again.

But I have given up cigarettes (really really hard) and had to give up gluten (not a choice but for medical reasons); I hope I can have the same resolve with alcohol.

mecanix

Welcome secretary,

For me giving up alcohol has been the key to freedom in my life . In the old days i was always thinking about how much i was drinking and when i could next have a unleashed blow out . Obsessed !

I'm free of all that now .

Friends will be friends if i drink or not , unless they wern't the friends i thought they were .

Fun is fun with or without a drink , when you're sober you can remember it and the chances of something bad happening are reduced . If you sing or play an instrument i've found i'm consitently better not drinking .

Good luck , m

ippochick

welcome, secretary.

mecanix - you are so right about the obsession. always chasing the buzz, then drinking right past it and into chaos.

it really is a relief not to have that absolute, bone-deep NEED to keep slamming drink after drink after drink. i hold onto the fact that one drink will never, ever be enough for me.

it's early days for me still (16) but i am resolute in my intention to stay sober. we never know what life will throw at us next but i choose to believe i will not drink today, and that it also goes for all my tomorrows.

secretary

I appreciate your support. I am jealous of your 16 day sobriety and look forward to my 2nd day. Tonight will be a test as I am going out with friends. But you are right whether I am with friends or alone my constant thought is when can I get that next glass of vodka. I am just using them as an excuse.

DylanS

Welcome Secretary. This is a great site - you'll find a whole world of incredible support here on SR, and a lot of very good info, too.

Insomnia, unfortunately, seems to be an issue for a lot of us, so you're not alone with that. Just thinking - it might end up being very helpful to have someone close to you already sober.

Oh man, Mecanix, do I relate to this:
Welcome again, Secretary.

ippochick

we all started at day 1. i am amazed to be at day 16. i joined up here early on and told my story - i have had nothing but support and encouragement. i won't get on my treatment program for another week - so when i struggle i post on SR and someone will always come along and offer counsel.

welcome!

BabyJane

Awww... I'm a couple years sober (from alcohol) and have a father struggling with alcoholism so this post made me kind of emotional! I really feel for you. My dad has had a rough time lately. It really got bad for him when my mom left. I think he has a few months? Weeks? He's pretty quiet about his struggles. He always wants to be strong for my sister and I. Anyway, I wish you the best. You're doing a great thing for YOU and I know your daughter will be so glad to have you around longer! I love my dad to pieces sober or not but I hope and pray each day that he beats this alcoholism thing. Take care. Hugs!

Hang in there!

cheapredwino

Gluten is evil. Evil. I'm surprised Monsanto didn't invent it. :P

fantail

Secretary, when you see your friends tonight, right away tell them that you aren't drinking. Tell them you're doing Dry July! For your health, or whatever. To lose weight, or improve your sleep... there are tons of explanations. You don't have to make it a big deal out of it.

Just make sure they know you aren't drinking so that when you start craving, you have to stick to your word.

You can do it. Welcome to SR!

Isaiah

Hey secretary,

Day two, it's not unusual to be preoccupied with the idea of a next drink. If you identify as an alcoholic and weren't having those thoughts that'd be rather bizarre. So keep bearing in mind that it's all part of it. Getting into sobriety isn't about not having those thoughts, but not picking up. Everyone says it, and it's true, it does get easier. I've got my calendar marked for my day 1,000 (if by the grace of God) and I still get nagging thoughts of using.

I'm absolutely sure you have the resolve to quit. I don't believe anyone lacks it. Just a matter of uncovering it and trusting that you do have it.

secretary

Your support is unbelievable and I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. I have not told anyone that I am stopping (except my husband) and a part of me wants to tell people, but at the same time, what if I fail? I can't even believe that I think of myself as an alcoholic, but of course, I am. I see that so many of your experiences are my experiences - obsessed with the next drink, how to plan your day so that vodka is involved, and I am totally functional, so how could I be an alcoholic? HA!

And how do you stop when it is all around you? Everywhere?

I'm babbling, I am going out to tonight with friends and the suggestion of Dry July was a great idea.

Thank you thank you thank you!

Hevyn

Hi secretary - so glad you found us. I felt immediately relieved when I came here.

I was like you - couldn't imagine my life without alcohol. Thought people who didn't drink must be so dull and joyless. I looked at quitting as losing something. I was so wrong about all of it. I realized I was the boring one, always numb & foggy (not saying this is you - but that's how I ended up). I was just going through the motions in the end. There was no hope or joy. It feels great to be free of it. You'll never have to reach the point that many of us did.

Olive1

No need to tell yourself you will never have alcohol ever again at this point in time. Too daunting. You only need to tell yourself you will not drink today. And then stick to it. Then tomorrow, tell yourself again.
If you don't pick up the first drink, you will not lose control.

secretary

I managed to get through the evening without drinking but I did feel like the dull one. Hopefully sleep will my escape tonight.

adelaine041

Drinking alcohol is really hard to stop. It will require courage and dedication for you to completely overcome this kind of addiction.

fantail

Congratulations!!

Don't worry, the first few social events I went to sober were not that great. You need a little more time to recover, but it will get better. I've discovered now that when I go out and my friends are drinking, their happy mood rubs off on me and I get silly even sober. And then the next day when we meet for brunch I'm still in a great mood and the only one hangover free.

ippochick

you did really well, secretary. on to the next day...

secretary

It sure didn't feel that way last night, I felt I really had to step up my game to feel like a part of the group without drinking. What I did notice is how much they talked about drinking.

secretary

Slept last night but only with the aid of benadryl. Luckily we have no social plans tonight. Sitting and watching TV is agony without drinking. And I did end up eating a lot of cookies.

FlyerFan

Cookies are okay! When you give up booze your body will crave sugar to substitute so definitely buy some hard candy to keep in your pockets or purse for when you are away from home. And ice cream is a must. Welcome to the forums and I love your doggy!