Legend40

of all the things i have done to help myself get so much better, i have lost over 25lbs, i am eating so much better. i am going to outpatient mental health for my issues, i am sober almost 3 months yet i sit here depressed with low self esteem. what is wrong with me? why am i like this? at 40 years of age i just feel like a old loser who lost his chance at a happy life because i drank all those years away. i keep telling myself its worth it to continue on but right now i wonder if its all worth it....

Tamerua

It is worth it. I don't know how or why you feel like that, but give it more time.

calico

Legend, I think I can understand some of what you are feeling. I am 53 and drank for 35 years, wanting to quit for most of them and never getting very far before giving up and getting wasted. I hope you will just hang on and keep doing what you are doing. Taking care of yourself and getting in shape is great and you should be proud. Maybe it just takes a little longer than 3 months to start feeling the benefits of sobriety. I also feel sometimes that I've lost so many opportunities and so many good years I can never get back - but I have to think of what is still ahead and what I can do with each day. I don't know if this helps at all, and I'm sure some wiser people will be along shortly, but I just wanted to tell you I hope you will keep trying.

DylanS

For me, after a lifetime of shame, the 5th step offered a LOT of relief and I felt a sort of equanimity, a balance of recognizing and embracing my humanity, that I had both a light and a dark side - and that that wasn't shameful, but human, normal and even, somehow, poignant.

After some time, I "failed to enlarge my spiritual life' and drank again after a bit of sober time; I'm starting over and actually look forward, in some sense, to working the 4th and 5th step of AA to come to terms with, and put to rest, a lot of the issues that cause me shame, pain, agitation and dissonance between what I've done and who I really am.

HTH - best to you, D.

Eddiebuckle

Legend,

Congratulations on three months and losing 25 lbs, that is awesome! It takes a long time to recover from years of alcohol abuse. I found that in the first six months most of the improvement occurred for me, but it took about 18 months for my central nervous system to reset to the extent that it did. The term for this is PAWS - google it. I don't know that research has shown why this is, but recovering alcoholics seem to encounter rough patches at 30, 60, 90, 180 days. I guess AA over the years figured this out, which is why so many groups give out chips on those anniversaries.

But at 90 days, you are still in early sobriety and patches of minor depression and "when will this **** end" thoughts are not uncommon. While it is definitely not fun, please know that what you are feeling is normal, temporary, and part of the healing process.

Keep up the good work!

Nighthawk8820

Think of it like this, How long have you lived with low self esteem and confidence issues? If you are like me, I am guessing most likely quite a while. You will build and get better, but it takes time and patience. The more you step out of your comfort zone and old routines, the more you will grow, which builds confidence and self esteem. Also, as hard as it can be, you have to learn to ignore that pesky voice that puts you down. It will be difficult, but with time, that voice will become less and less of an issue. You are at 3 months, that is wonderful. Have you researched PAWS? This is around the time if starts to make itself known, and one of those ways is by making you feel down, anxious, or that everything you have done and are doing is somehow not good enough. Learn to recognize it as PAWS and that it will pass. You are so close to getting to the good part of sobriety and life, so dont give up. The Self esteem will come, I promise.

Legend40

Nighthawk please dont respond to my threads anymore, i didnt appreciate the first post you ever made towards me and i dont want to read anything you have to say. thanks and have a nice life...

Dee74

no drama please.

D

Notmyrealname

I think it just takes some time to get back. I've seen threads on the forum where people say things really improved for them around the one year mark. You have three months in, that's really good! Inspirational even keep it up!

cascademn

Hey Legend, your not a loser to me. Let me ask you this. I was scared ****less when I got here and who was one of the first people to welcome me to SR? Yeah, that was you. That made a big difference with me and now I'm not scared anymore. Just wanted to tell you that.
Your Pal,
cas

Legend40

was a good day but once the night set in thats when the loneliness and depression took over. i sought out support and was accused of being drunk, well that didnt sit very well with me. i guess i am not allowed to be upset and talk about it anymore.... why bother?

Mizzuno

Hi Legend.
I hope that you will feel better soon. Im sorry that you are having a tough time. You are not a loser at all. Keep on keeping on Legend. Try to not let the negative comments or thoughts of others get to you. It's not worth the time or headspace. You know your truth.