anxiety, doubts creep in
 

I was doing great. I am on Day 9. Last night after a meeting I started to feel some serious anxiety. Some of it is from social anxiety which I suffer. It was a big group. I sat next to some dude that creeped me out too.

Those things triggered the thoughts that have always gotten me in the past: I think I am overreacting. I am not like these people. I am definitely not this bad.....

I am still sober and still committed to attending meetings, but last night was the toughest night yet. I thought about how a beer would make me feel better after that meeting. I dismissed it which I am proud of, but it was a reminder that the battle has just begun.

I hate the ups and downs of all of this.

Sometimes i practaiced defferment in the early days . I said to myself , if i want to drink i could do it this time next week, as afterall if i'm a normal person that would be no sweat eh ?
It kinda quited my mind down enough to get through today and by the time the week rolled around i'd forgotten all about wanting to drink and reaffirmed my want to stay sober . kinda rolled my week every morning so i was always 7 days away from the next drink ..

But don't you feel great for having made it through the night? Be proud not only for not drinking, but also for feeling the feelings that made you uncomfortable. I think a lot of alcoholics drink to escape uncomfortable feelings- sadness, anxiety, stress, boredom. But if you can make yourself stick it out through those bad feelings when you would have given in to them in the past, you have accomplished something great. When I get past a night where I really really wanted to drink, I always think "I survived that even though I didn't think I could in the past. What else can I do that I thought I couldn't?!"
Nice work! :)

just keep going. thats what to focus on.
Never give in.

So...

- You went to a meeting despite social anxiety.

- You recognized a trigger in comparing your drinking with others.

- You dismissed thoughts of getting relief through using.

- You're sticking to being committed with AA.

- You didn't drink.

I think it might be that you're not *feeling* great, but far as I can tell you're doing great. Learning to manage the ups and downs is much of what recovery is. Remember then that they aren't a sign you're doing something wrong.

:scoregood

I'm glad you made the right choice.:)

Isaiah - thank you for putting that in perspective. I guess there are many positives to look at

One day at a time. You are right the battle has just begun, actually it's many battles daily that make up the war we are fighting. You won yesterday's battle, now on to today's. I don't think YOU thought about how a beer would make you feel better, it was your sneaky AV trying to convince you to feed the need. Stand strong against the voice and the ups and downs will slowly turn into more ups than downs. You got this.