in need of some quality advice
 

Hi....I was wondering if I could get some feedback on an issue I am currently conflicted over. My husband is a recovering opiate (Percocet/suboxone) addict. I am not sure of the amount he did nor am I even sure if that matters. He is a great father, has a great career, not many of our friends/family even know about this "problem"...he has always been able to disguise it very well...except from me...his wife and friend of nearly 20 years... I cannot imagine that he did an excessive amount...he has told me he would break it up into small pieces to do it as needed ? Anyway... this has been an issue for him and us for a long time now...me keeping catching him in lies to find out he is using again and again...every time it is the same story... how he will never go back etc etc.... I am getting tired of being a detective and it makes me extremely sad the amount of distrust that I feel toward him... anyway (sorry for blabbing!) My question is regarding drinking alcohol. This I know is against the narcotics anonymous philosophy... but my husband seems to think he will be fine to drink... he actually keeps talking about it and I need some info on the topic at hand! Thank you!

cb2001: Your husband is attempting to deal with his opiate addiction. Has he had some measure of success in this respect? If so, then why not give him some space to achieve his own recovery? You can't recover for him. You can help him by recognizing that this is his recovery. He can recover only if he wants to do this badly enough. He should not have to lie to you. There's no point to it if you know he's lying. Just don't ask him. He probably knows that you know so why ask? If you think he's getting better, making some progress, then give him a pat on the back.
As for his using alcohol. Yes, that may be a bad idea. Encourage him to discuss this issue with other recovering opiate dependent persons, and with counselors and physicians if necessary. But again, it's his choice. You say you are tired of being a detective, but you aren't a detective. You're his wife and friend. Alanon may be of some help to you. Good luck

W.

Sorry cb. That is a difficult situation. I agree, stop the detective work. He will hide whatever he needs where ever he wants.

You may want to kindly mention to him that you are concerned about him taking up drinking. It will ultimately be up to him as to what decisions he makes.

I found that if my wife tried to help me "control" my drinking (and I have asked her to help me), it caused some tension. I finally decided to leave her out of it and seek the support of this community. Maybe suggest he looks at the site. So far it's working for me!!!
Good luck.
KPatrick

:welcome to SR! You're in a bad situation for sure. Have you sought the help of NarAnon for support for yourself? We also have a friends and family forum for friends and family of substance abusers. Perhaps you could ask your questions there too for further insight. :hug:

I'm not sure if this has been said, I didn't read the other responses...
Even if he doesn't feel he has a problem with alcohol itself, it very well could lead him back to using his drugs of choice. Easily. With the lack of judgement, impulse control issues alcohol causes....could make it "ok" for him to use opiates. Also, alcohol triggers the "pleasure center" in our brains, which doesn't discern what it is that is causing it to be triggered. It will open the floodgates to using other drugs.

"Only COMPLETE sobriety can keep us normal"

Hope this helps....PM if you need to talk more.

My belief is that it's not really about the opiates or the alcohol. Those are the symptoms and of course, need to be stopped. But, it's dealing with the underlying issues that will enable recovery.

I agree that if there are "underlying issues" then it is desirable to attempt to deal with them. But the process may be circular. It may be very difficult to deal with the "underlying issues" unless the so called "symptoms", (i.e. drinking and drugging) are stopped. I am not convinced that the "I drink because..." and "If only I could resolve.... then I would not drink" theories are necessarily effective and in some instances they can be counter productive. The first psychiatrist I went to many, many years ago took this approach and tried to treat alcoholism by Freudian analysis. This was ineffective and gave me another excuse to drink, namely "I drank because of .... And now see I'm doing something about it! I'm trying to resolve my guilt about my sister, my mother's hostility and my hostility towards her." According to my analyst, I did a fine job along these lines. And I continued to drink for thirty-five years.

W.