DesperadoBlond

I'm almost 8 months sober (with AA) and I have had two of "those" days now.

I feel like I am being held hostage by my brain. There are certain things, career, and other, wise that I have been dead set on getting for the past 15 years... and it's not working out.

I can't deal with the social aspect of the professional field I am in. I just came home from a career related event and I spent all evening just wanting to run away and hide. I was shaking and I couldn't control it. I hate that my body lets on how uncomfortable I am.

I have all my money (the little I've made), years and years of education end everything else invested in this, but I can't do it.

Now that I'm sober, I'm like a pale shadow of who I used to be. I feel so overwhelmed by negativity that I just want - to - check - out.

Soberpotamus

It's ok to make a career change, if that is what you think would help. People do it all the time, and seem happier because of it.

AlexaDaly

Ugh! Some days I feel the weight of the whole world on my shoulders! Your career sounds very stressful. There's got to be something else you can do. Check out all the job websites. Keep racking your brain and ask friends for ideas. You will come up with something. Something better is just around the corner for you! Do something nice for yourself! You deserve it!
And congrats on almost 8 months sober-- WOOT!!!! You rock!! I'm at 2 weeks and feeling great! What kind of work do you do?

ReadyAtLast

I know how you feel.I'm nearly 7 months and whilst I feel much better physically and even mentally I also feel like a failure in my career and some personal issues. I think I always did feel like a failure but drank to hide it. Now I've got to face the issues head on and it's scary and I don't know how to do it. somtimes I even think I'm imagining things or my mind is playing tricks with me. I'm sorry I have no good advice,just wanted to know you're not alone. hopefully people with longer sober time have been through this and come out the other side positively.

ScottFromWI

Perhaps you need rethink your career direction DB? It's difficult but possible. About a decade ago I was dead set on becoming a senior account exec in my field. I worked for several years to get there and when I finally did I hated every thing about it, other than the money. Not sure exactly what your field is, but my point is sometimes you set goals that won't make you happy anyway. In my case I thought the money and status was what wanted, but in truth it was exactly the opposite. I now have a job where I make significantly less, but i enjoy it much more.

And on top of all, don't forget that going back to drinking will definitely make things worse - no matter what career path you choose.

DesperadoBlond

Hi!

I do fashion industry stuff in the mecca of fashion... :/

I am just trying to get back in the swing of things... haven't been doing that much since I got sober. Went to a fashion show tonight and all the catty, botoxed ultra bitchy people... I feel absolutely defenseless without a bottle of wine in me in this kind of a crowd. Plus, my invitation got lost in the mail so I had to start by fighting my way in.

AlexaDaly

Wow! At least you are able to observe them from a kind of detached, unique perspective and you're not drawn in by their behavior. There's got to be somebody else you can befriend there who sees things like you do.

cheapredwino

Those kind of people are not worth it. I went through hell to get a pair of pretentious idiots out of my life forever and Gawd was it worth it! You may love fashion, but it sounds like you detest the fashion Overlords. Maybe you need to combine a love of style with something more spiritually fulfilling? Organic hemp clothing? Fair trade jewelry? I dunno.

Do you really want to let people like this ruin your life?

DesperadoBlond

I wasn't feeling detached. This is going to sound dramatic, but I felt like a chicken surrounded by hyenas.

DesperadoBlond

HAHA!

Thanks for that! Your fair trade organic hemp idea made me laugh! Maybe it's a good idea.

cheapredwino

No maybe about it. It is!

That pic of Karl Lagerfeld made me puke a bit in my mouth. :P

OldRocker

Negativity consumed me too when I had a heart attack because of my drinking. My doctor told me I had under 20% function in my heart. Since then, I've made a conscious effort to really reject any negativity from my mind and really never forget my sense of humour.

Keeping a sense of humour when your body wants to scream and shout is a useful way to handle it all.

You'll be surprised how many "serious" aspects of life are actually asburd

DesperadoBlond

LOL I think Karl L is great. Wish I could have his career!

cheapredwino

I've always admired Vivenne Westood, basically for her punk attitude.

These days my clothes come from

mecanix

What i take from this is that you got through it however uncomfortable it was.
If you've done it once you can do it again and next time you'll have more experience and knowledge and should hopefully be able to pull it off better.

One thing i found out when singing on a stage is that people cant tell the difference between condfidence and acting like you've got confidence .

Put a few days between yourself and this event , talk to some people with some wisdom to share and then think about it .

Relatively to myself i've had fortune and lost it but as 40 rushes up i've never been so content and optimistic with relatively little .

As i walk past the biggest tomb in the graveyard i would'nt swap places with them just yet

big hug , m

cheapredwino

I like that!

2granddaughters

D.B. stick with your sponsor and the oldtimers .. they will lead you toward the light.

Like they say in court "I want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth" .. from an alcoholic, yeah, right !!

(translation ... how can I tell you something that I don't know for sure)

PM if I can help.

All the best.

Bob R

FeenixxRising

I'm guessing the fashion industry is a very cutthroat, catty and superficial industry. Rising above it all would be difficult for even the most confident individual. A career change may be the way to go. You should at least start some research into a career change. You will have more peace-of-mind and a back-up plan in case you decide to walk away from your career occupation.

Oh, and well done on 8 months. Keep at it.

cheapredwino

Oooo, I just realized, you know models! Hi there new best friend!!!!!!!!! :P

bemyself

Hi desperado, the bit that struck me from your first post was 'I feel like a pale shadow of myself'.

I'm not sober right now, but have had several longish periods of it. And it's very hard to work out which parts of 'feeling like a pale shadow of myself' is down to sobriety, or normal life transitions, ageing, etc. Only you can do the inner, silent reflection about that.

Personally, I can't imagine having to work in the kind of scene you describe. I couldn't cope any longer, sober or not, in the slightly more staid government - professional world I was in a few years ago.

So, yes, sometimes these feelings take a while to process. I hope you can come through to that new stage of working / living, of which you clearly have an inkling.