June was one non stop Friday and I am exhausted
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 133
June was one non stop Friday and I am exhausted
Well, moderation didn't work. I was doing just wonderful in May and had almost 30 days and then I had this "brilliant" idea that I would only drink on Friday's at home. Well, June was just a whirlwind of Fridays - everyday was Friday. I am not one to only have 1 or 2 drinks and think that is actual torture, but allowing myself to indulge once a week - that was my idea of moderation.
I did however not drink when out on a couple of social occasions and it was noticed. People asking me why I wasn't drinking. I said I was the DD - but as soon as I got home I drank. So - obviously, my drinking is noticed by other people.
Last week was just one non-stop party. My family was visiting and the booze was flowing freely.
I am so tired and my joints in my hands and feet hurt. Family is gone now and I am on Day 2. Oddly, I was looking forward to July 1st because I kept saying in my mind for the last week or so, I can stop drinking on July 1st.
I am slowly cleaning up around the house and putting all the empties into boxes and will be taking them to the recycle.
I hope my energy starts to improve soon. And I hope that once I start to feel better I don't go back down that rabbit hole again.
Guess I'll be hanging around here at SR, reading posts, licking my wounds.
Genie
I did however not drink when out on a couple of social occasions and it was noticed. People asking me why I wasn't drinking. I said I was the DD - but as soon as I got home I drank. So - obviously, my drinking is noticed by other people.
Last week was just one non-stop party. My family was visiting and the booze was flowing freely.
I am so tired and my joints in my hands and feet hurt. Family is gone now and I am on Day 2. Oddly, I was looking forward to July 1st because I kept saying in my mind for the last week or so, I can stop drinking on July 1st.
I am slowly cleaning up around the house and putting all the empties into boxes and will be taking them to the recycle.
I hope my energy starts to improve soon. And I hope that once I start to feel better I don't go back down that rabbit hole again.
Guess I'll be hanging around here at SR, reading posts, licking my wounds.
Genie
Shape-Shifting Super-Hero
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Eating Tofu!
Posts: 882
Hey there, very nice to see you again! I was going to send you a message, and here you are.
I agree, moderation is very, very, very hard for me as well...so hard, I've decided to set it aside. After getting a gash under my eye I can't recall, and awakening to a toppled over bookcase, none of which I remember at all, I decided to just stop. I woke up looking like a boxer, after a fight. Now, it's been two weeks, and after licking my wounds and not drinking, I'm feeling a lot better.
The hardest part seems to be getting past that first week, for me, especially as my pattern was to drink every 3 to 4 or 5 days, and drink a lot when I did. It was more episodic than constant.
Well, I have great confidence you can do this!
I've been focusing on all the positive changes I've noted:
1. My face looks a lot better, fresher and younger: thinner, no baggy eyes.
2. I have a lot more energy
3. I remember my dreams, and had rather interesting ones; sleep is improving
4. My libido is a lot stronger/healthier feeling
5. Things seem more predictable, and less chaotic. I don't have to worry about what I did that I can't remember.
~
I've not gone to any meetings, but just worked with a friend, and people here.
One revelation I had was that I don't need a group, nor do I have to force myself into the paradigm/mold of one, nor do I need to expect them to try to accommodate me. It would be nice, but if I have to work in my own way, it's really not so bad. For the longest time, I fought with this, and I feel a huge sense of release.
Nice to see you again
I agree, moderation is very, very, very hard for me as well...so hard, I've decided to set it aside. After getting a gash under my eye I can't recall, and awakening to a toppled over bookcase, none of which I remember at all, I decided to just stop. I woke up looking like a boxer, after a fight. Now, it's been two weeks, and after licking my wounds and not drinking, I'm feeling a lot better.
The hardest part seems to be getting past that first week, for me, especially as my pattern was to drink every 3 to 4 or 5 days, and drink a lot when I did. It was more episodic than constant.
Well, I have great confidence you can do this!
I've been focusing on all the positive changes I've noted:
1. My face looks a lot better, fresher and younger: thinner, no baggy eyes.
2. I have a lot more energy
3. I remember my dreams, and had rather interesting ones; sleep is improving
4. My libido is a lot stronger/healthier feeling
5. Things seem more predictable, and less chaotic. I don't have to worry about what I did that I can't remember.
~
I've not gone to any meetings, but just worked with a friend, and people here.
One revelation I had was that I don't need a group, nor do I have to force myself into the paradigm/mold of one, nor do I need to expect them to try to accommodate me. It would be nice, but if I have to work in my own way, it's really not so bad. For the longest time, I fought with this, and I feel a huge sense of release.
Nice to see you again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 133
Yes, duane - I am closer to sustained sobriety. I realized that I am a binge drinker and always have been, but the binges get closer and closer together. Friends will say to me - why don't you just have a couple of drinks and put a cork back in the bottle? They can do this, I cannot. It is much easier to simply abstain.
Question: I find that when I drink I am energized, but, when I don't drink (say at a social gathering) I get tired and do not want to stay late. Anyone else notice this? I suppose I could drink coffee, but I only drink coffee in the morning since it screws up my sleep. Maybe as I get more sober time I won't be as tired in the evenings.
Question: I find that when I drink I am energized, but, when I don't drink (say at a social gathering) I get tired and do not want to stay late. Anyone else notice this? I suppose I could drink coffee, but I only drink coffee in the morning since it screws up my sleep. Maybe as I get more sober time I won't be as tired in the evenings.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Santa Maria, CA
Posts: 18
Hi there! I can relate- after 5 years sober, I decided that I was "ok" to be a social drinker again, in moderation..hee hee. I knew better, but thought I had a handle on it. I did, for about a month but then the liquid beast took over and the last year has been a blur. I'm sitting here thinking "oh my! It's July!?"
I used to try and hide my drinking from others as well- when people commented that I wasn't drinking, it embarrassed me. Little did thy know that I was drinking before the party so that I could give the illusion that a few beers or glasses of wine was my "norm".
Congrats on your realization! I remembered during treatment, years ago, that you won't fully recognize or be able to handle a relapse until you experience it.
I used to try and hide my drinking from others as well- when people commented that I wasn't drinking, it embarrassed me. Little did thy know that I was drinking before the party so that I could give the illusion that a few beers or glasses of wine was my "norm".
Congrats on your realization! I remembered during treatment, years ago, that you won't fully recognize or be able to handle a relapse until you experience it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Santa Maria, CA
Posts: 18
Genie- I also get energized by alcohol. And I am exhausted and bored out of my mind during sober social gatherings. I noticed during my first stint of sobriety, that with time and an attitude adjustment on my part, that the boredom and exhaustion let up. I do admit though, that I tended to avoid social situations where alcohol was flowing freely. I became a happy homebody. Never imagined that I would be content to go to bed at a decent time and just enjoy the peace and quiet of my family.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,366
Sorry to hear this Genie but welcome back
As for your not drinking being noticed by others - if I was drinking by myself, I'm sure I gave off a drinking vibe, even when sober (or as near to sober as I got) ...
if I was hanging with a crowd I usually hung with, they usually expected me to drink.
I had to look making real positive recovery affirming changes when I finally got sober.
As for drink being energising...I'll be blunt.
You're an addict, you got your fix.
When you don't have your fix you feel tired and sluggish....and the obvious solution to that is to drink and feel energised again.
It's the alcoholic hamster wheel.
It takes a few weeks, sometimes maybe even a month or two, to get off that and to start to feel really good again, but it's worth it.
There is energy and motivation and passion and excitement and joy outside of the bottle
D
As for your not drinking being noticed by others - if I was drinking by myself, I'm sure I gave off a drinking vibe, even when sober (or as near to sober as I got) ...
if I was hanging with a crowd I usually hung with, they usually expected me to drink.
I had to look making real positive recovery affirming changes when I finally got sober.
As for drink being energising...I'll be blunt.
You're an addict, you got your fix.
When you don't have your fix you feel tired and sluggish....and the obvious solution to that is to drink and feel energised again.
It's the alcoholic hamster wheel.
It takes a few weeks, sometimes maybe even a month or two, to get off that and to start to feel really good again, but it's worth it.
There is energy and motivation and passion and excitement and joy outside of the bottle
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 133
Huskypup - the quote is from Gone With The Wind.
Whiskeyman - yep, that's why I never understood those bottle stoppers that people buy. Of course, this Genie is hoping that she won't be put back in the bottle.
Whiskeyman - yep, that's why I never understood those bottle stoppers that people buy. Of course, this Genie is hoping that she won't be put back in the bottle.
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