Nowheretoturn1

Thanks guys, they have kept her in and the alcohol abuse doctor and psychiatrist have been with her. One of them said she has a mental health issue and may get transferred to psych unit tomorrow. Unfortunately even though she is saying she wants help, I have not actually heard her say that she wants to stop drinking so at the minute I am not gettin good vibes that this is the start of her journey to sobriety. I hope she proves me wrong, only time will tell x

Nowheretoturn1

The other thing is that while she is drinking 24hrs a day for up to 8 days she is being sick but vomits and then drinks more anyway despite the sickness

honeypig

This is one of the things alcoholics do. Again, I encourage you to keep reading and educating yourself. Sadly, your sister's situation is not unique, nor is your own.

Nowheretoturn1

It's so sad but just wondering if that medication would help with her as the vomitting doesn't put her off, nor the headaches or extreme gastritis pains :-(

Robert2013

May God help you!

Olive1

Hi,

This was me. Plus I weighed 80 pounds when I should have weighed 110.
My sister drove me to the emergency room with the thought of getting an iv bag of electrolytes or something. I don't know that she knew how far gone I was. But the doctor who treated me did. He quietly repeated to me (over the course of two weeks of a very close call detox) that I would inevitabley die if I drank again. I don't know when it finally sunk in, but his words were what started me on the path of recovery.
My family's well intentioned efforts were never going to work with me....too close to the source, I guess. But the help of this stranger did work.
I hope your sister finds her guardian angel and listens to him.

Nowheretoturn1

Thanks ohta, glad you are on the road to recovery. Apparently the doctor told her today that her liver is fine and she seemed to be nearly boasting about that, why can't they just lie to alcoholics and tell them there is damage, I know realistically that they can't though. She has decided that it is the vodka that sets her off nothing to do with the fact that she is an alcoholic and alcohol in general does not agree with her. I guess we have a very very long an unpredictable journey ahead. It's already been 10 years of binges and prob 10 years before that of heavy drinking :-(

Olive1

I don't remember if my liver was that bad off or not...I know that the pacreatitis was what was causing a lot of the inital problems. In the US, the doctors are not allowed to tell anyone, even family, of the patients condition. My doctor told me he would not discuss the test results with them, but urged me to come clean...so to speak. Perhaps she is glossing over her results for the benefit of the denial she is in. Regardless, I hope that somewhere in her subconscious there was planted the seed of possible recovery and that she just doesn't realize it yet.

Nowheretoturn1

It did cross my mind that she may be lying about the results as she tells so many lies. I would be absolutely amazed if there is no damage to her liver after the 20+ years of heavy abuse

Olive1

What is the saying? 'How do you know when an alcoholic is lying? When the open their mouth.'

Yes, we alcoholics are notorious liars.

I still have hope for you and your family.

Nowheretoturn1

So today the psychiatrist spoke to my sister and then rang me to ask a few questions. I told her that my sister had been drinking heavily with binges anything from once a month to every 3 months, that the binges last from 3-8 days, they are 24hrs a day, she will vomit then lift the bottle straight away again, she will wonder the roads half naked day or night to get more drink, knock on strangers doors to try to get drink. I told her that she was now in a very loving relationship and that her partner would do anything to help her and they have a great life. The psych said that was a little diff to what my sister had told her but that she couldn't tell me what had been said obviously. Turns out all she has been offered is lifeline telephone service which she had before and obviously did not help her or ordinary counselling. The alcohol abuse doctor has according to her told her she is the picture of health, she can get home today, she can still drink socially but to have a break of days or weeks between drinks!! I mean seriously who in their right mind let alone a professional would tell an alcoholic that they can still drink, surely the advice should be to avoid alcohol, find new ways of socialising, new hobbies. She is really quite cocky about it all and we are all running round like parts sorting out her mess. My guess is if she gets home tonight that she will be on the drink again by the weekend. I really feel like putting in a complaint about the alleged advice they have given her just to find out if they did actually tell her to that she can still drink. They also told her that the rehab centre that her partner was going to pay her into would be no use as you can get drink while in there if you want. Back against the brick wall and waiting for the next binge. Also she is convinced that it is only vodka that sets her off on a binge, not too much alcohol in general. Well see the next binge I won't be about for her and I hope the rest of the family are the same. I haven't seen her shed a tear from she sobered up but her partner has shed plenty I feel so sorry for him. I told him that he has a hard decision ahead that he needs to decide if he can live the rest of his life like this cos in my mind until she dies as a result of alcohol these binges and lies will continue. Why when so many suffer from alcoholism is there very little help available. I also told psychiatrist that she loves taking tablets like pain relief and stuff, I said if a stranger gave her 100 tablets she would take them all if she was drinking without a second thought. How they don't think she has a serious problem or mental health issues is beyond me.

hayley86

Its dangerous when people are told that their liver levels are fine (if that's what she was even told). This can change so very quickly. I was told the same thing 2 years ago and this was a green light for me and i didn't stop drinking and i ended up with elevated LFT levels a couple of years later and in the hospital having treatment. I remember my family member later telling me "i was dreading your blood results coming back clear even though this meant you were not yet ill, because i knew it would take you longer to stop" it makes me sad to think of that now.

Saying that i also think you get good health professionals and bad ones. My doctor and consultant told me they advise me never to drink again (i have been sober for nearly 9 months now and i plan on it staying this way) and i had another doctor tell me even after all that had happened that it wasn't anything really that serious and i should "really work on cutting down on my drinking". Which was crazy talk to me as i know know i am one of those people who just cant drink. I took the first doctors advice to completely abstain because i know i can not moderate it.

I would take anything your sister tells you with a giant pinch of salt. Alcoholics lie i should know. I would tell people it was night when it was day and i was pretty good at it too, i was extremely convincing and plausible. More likely than not she will also be in denial with herself and kidding herself.

You sound like you have done everything you possibly can and hopefully if she gets better she will realize that and everything you have done will not be in vain. You cant force people to get better. Unfortunately sometimes it takes something bad happening like someone becoming seriously unwell and hitting the absolute pits of despair to make them desperately want to get sober. For me this was when i ended up in a hospital bed last year.

Take care of yourself and your family. It sounds like you have gone above and beyond the call of duty like my family did with myself. Hopefully she will realise she has a golden opportunity to get her life sorted out and to be happy and healthy. It might sound harsh to say but sometimes you have to leave people to their own devices to get on with things if you are forever cleaning up her mess she never has to take any responsibility or accountability for her actions. The same with making sure she doesn't lose her job etc. Its when those things happen that people often wake up and realize what there is to lose.

I hope things start to look up for you. Take care.

Nowheretoturn1

Thank you so much Hayley and congratulations to you for 9 months sober and long may it continue. I can't imagine how hard it must be, but can only imagine that a sober life with health, happiness and no lies has got to be the better option. I know exactly how your family member felt waiting on those blood results because in our minds if there had been some damage it may have been a deterrent. As for the whole trust issue I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her, sad thing is she really is a very convincing liar.
I do feel we have done everything and hope we get some positive results in return but I am not holding my breath for them. She has also let my kds down as we were want to e staying with her for 3 nights as she lives beside the sea and has a hot tub and kids love it at hers, but I had to lie to kids and say she had a tummy bug, so she got out of explaining to them too. Mind you they are too young to be told she is an alcoholic. Still hate using that word, it would amaze some people that know her that she is an alcoholic because when she is in work or out and about she is so happy and healthy looking.

hayley86

Hi,
Thank you for the congratulations. It has definitely been hard work but the best and most rewarding decision i ever made. My life has completely transformed i am now happy, healthy and fit and i enjoy waking up each day with a peace i didn't think was possible and a peace when i go to bed at night too.

Its funny that you would say that it would amaze some people to know she is an alcoholic. Many people do not know i am and would have no idea i had a drinking problem like i did. Only those people who were the closest to me know, my extended family are not even aware of it. When i was in hospital i heard over and over again "but look at you, you don't seem the type" i guess there is no "type" this disease can affect anyone at any time in life it definitely does not discriminate.

It took my health taking a hit for that to be my wake up call thankfully i haven't done any permanent damage to myself which is nothing short of miraculous and i am glad at 27 years old that i have seen the light now.

The trust issue was very difficult for me to deal with. My family lost all trust in me but now i have earnt it back and life feels really good. I wish i could tell people who are struggling sometimes how much better it can get but they have to learn on their own. People told me that life is so much better and i didn't believe it because i was so consumed by the drink i got in such a tangled mess in my mind i just couldn't see a way out.

I really hope she turns a corner and get the help she desperately needs. You need to look after your family and not let her drag you down along the way because she will if she can, its the way it works. It is her life and she has to take control and get the help if she wants it. All you can do is really be there for her if she decides she needs you.

Wishing you a positive outcome.

GratitudeDude

Helping a family member is the hardest of all 12 step work. I am the son of an alcoholic and the father of one as well. Most important to my recovery though is not my relationship to other alcoholics, it's my relationship to me, an alcoholic myself.

How did my dad help me get sober on 10/20/01? Well, he died of alcoholism in the mid 90s.

How did my son help me get sober on 10/20/01? Well, he started his own recovery in January 2001, failed miserably for five months (while I continued to drink myself all that time -- in secret, because I was supposed to support his recovery by ceasing all use of alcohol or other drugs) and then for some miraculous reason, something clicked for him on 5/10/01 and he got clean. Three weeks before his 16th birthday.

For the next five months and ten days, I watched him from a safe distance (I.e., I kept drinking in secret -- after dropping him off at 12 step meetings 10-14 times a week. And then, it clicked for me too. I woke up and realized that I couldn't stop drinking and for the first time ever, I understood why: I was an alcoholic, my body was different. Everything, every single drink and drunk made complete sense. And, then it dawned on me that I could do something about being an alcoholic, I could do what my son Pat had been doing over the last 10 months.

So, what did my son do? He got clean and then started doing something about it. His life changed, a day at a time. He started telling more truth than lies. He started laughing again. He was less angry, more compassionate: especially with other addicts, especially those that relapsed.

All that's to say that the primary gift you can give your sister is your own sobriety and your own changed life. As well as your own compassion and understanding.

Oh, and one other thing: you can also give her your knowledge of this disease in the form of concrete and informed actions. For example, if you see her getting into a car when she's under the influence, you should call 911 and report a possible drunk driver, and provide them with all the information they'll need to locate her before she kills or injures herself or others. You, your family, your/her doctor or therapist, and her employer can also conduct a well planned intervention with your sister and essentially present her with two clear options: a 30 day detox/hospitalization/treatment program (her bags are already packed and someone is all set to take her there following the intervention) or continue doing what she's doing AND deal with all the consequences (which are then laid out for her in black and white: loss of job, leave the home, take her bags and leave....).

To find out more about what I believe to be the most current and compassionate and enlightened way of helping someone like your sister, I strongly recommend getting the book, No More Letting by Debra Jay.

[Apparently, I have posted enough to this site to be allowed to include links to other sites on the Internet (take heart, that won't be the case for much longer! I'm also a card carrying member of another 12 step program called On and On and Ononymous. So, just Google "no more letting go Debra jay" and you'll find both her website and the book itself on Amazon.]

But, nothing is more critical to your sister's life and recovery as your own sobriety and recovery! Nothing.

Mike L

FYI: my son Pat still has 5 months and 10 days more clean/sober time than his dad. While alcoholism and drug addiction are genetic in nature, the good news is that recovery is, or more accurately, can be, contagious. Even within the family. Balance that with the knowledge that this is a deadly disease and that, unfortunately, most people die of this disease after being unable to understand neither the nature of this disease nor its treatment. Sad, but true. Take care! "They are not at fault." (BB, p58)

Nowheretoturn1

So sister home last night but her and her partner stayed at mums house. I advised him not to go hoe to their own house as I had a feeling she would be straight on the drink despite all the meds she is on and turn nasty and then make up lies about him being nasty to her. She is high as a kite on all the meds and too tired and out of it to talk to any of us. She is talking a bit but her attitude is bad and talks bout wanting to run away and to leve her alone cos she is just out of hospital!! She forgets she was only there because she poured drink down her neck for 5 days, her blood had 330mg of alcohol in it so 660 times the legal drink drive limit in this country, mind you she lost her licence 2 years ago when we rang the police to report her for fear she was going to kill someone and devastate another family. I am not sure what all meds they have given her but I never remember her before being like this on meds after a binge. Her attitude is just all wrong for someone who is genuinely looking help. My gut feeling tells me that I will be back on here in the next 48 hours saying that she is drinking again and taking the meds. I will be as far away as possible from her, but fear the next time I see her I will be walking behind her to her grave :-(

GracieLou

I am sorry you are going through all this. My ex-husband, the father of my children, drank himself to the grave. I did not see him much in the year before he died as the kids really did not visit him much anymore and when our daughter did she would drive herself over there.

Seeing him in the hospital unresponsive with tubes everywhere was heartbreaking. His internal bleeding was so bad they were putting blood in him but it was leaking out just as fast. He never regained consciousness. I wondered how someone could let themselves get this way. They told him if he drank again he would die. The risk of death did not stop him. The alcohol had complete and utter control over him. He was 49 year old.

I am also an alcoholic and you would think that going through that and seeing my children lose their father would have been a wake up call for me, it was not.

It took me over four years to see I was heading to the same place. While I did not have any medical issues, the spiral was moving fast. It would only have been a matter of time.

What finally clicked in me, I cannot not say. I know I wanted to quit. Most of these feelings came while I was drunk. I was drunk when I called AA. I was drunk when they picked me up and took me to a meeting and I was drunk at that meeting. It would have been very easy to dismiss all that and drink again. I could have thrown it on the heap of reasons I was drinking. It could have been just one more thing to pile on.

Nothing you can do is going to help her until she is willing to accept help. Wanting help and accepting help were two different things for me. I pray she accepts help before it is to late. In the meantime all you can do is love her and be there when she does finally reach out.

Nowheretoturn1

Gracielou that is just heartbreaking but just proves what a cruel disease it is and the grip alcohol takes on people's lives. I hope you continue to stay sober as it is so heartbreaking for those that love you and especially your kids and for you yourself. She has said that she is definitely not going to aa as doesn't like the whole group thing but will go to a one to one addictions counsellor. I will believe that when it happens. I hope and pray that something clicks inside her before it is too late.

venuscat

Dearest Nowheretoturn1......

I have heard everybody here, and I understand where they are coming from.
So now I want to ask you something, if that is OK ♥

Have you told your sister how you feel? How scared you are for her?
My sister did this for me....she intervened. Frightened me. But it had a huge impact.

Yes, your sister has to want this for herself, but it doesn't sound like she is in a place where she will make this choice.
Alcohol creates so much confusion and fear when we keep on drinking....

I hope she hears you, and I hope you are able to get her some help.

Love to you both.

Venus xx

GratitudeDude

I really like what Venuscat just shared with you. It is really the one unique gift you can give your sister that no one else can give her: you. Your story. Share that with her. Not as lecture from up high. But as story, heart to heart. That you love her and it's breaking your heart watching her kill herself with alcohol. And that there is a solution... A way out. Within her reach and that you are there ready and willing to help.

A great Zen/Alanon saying that I often share in situations like this:

It is equally honorable to try and help an elephant who is trying to stand up, as it is foolhardy to try and prevent an elephant from falling down.

Take care! Go with your heart.

Mike L.