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Old 07-02-2013, 04:21 AM   #1 (permalink)
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July 1 begins a new promise

After 15 years sober, one month after graduating with an MBA, (my second Master's Degree), working and building a career and an estate, I lost my job on Jan 23rd, 2009. I had great hopes to continue my hard work in my next job. The problem - after 3 years of applying and interviewing for work, apparently the world didn't want an overqualified 59 year old lady at any cost, (not even an $11 an hour job at Costco). After losing my building in a sheriff's sale, suddenly being looked at as a threat (as a potential economic burden) by my grown children because I no longer had money or health insurance, I started to really feel sorry for myself, so I said why not start drinking?

Then I worked up to 3 - 4 hangovers a month, and realized this is not a good path. After all, why be poor AND hungover, when it is hell enough to face homelessness as a single lady with no partner or close family. So here I am again, back at the fellowship and wanting to work the 24 hour plan. It has been only 2 days so far, and I am grateful to be able to share my journey with you. At least we can be a spiritually supportive family to each other, because sobriety does work, I worked it before and accomplished so much after the first time hitting bottom, and so I am not going to hit that low of a bottom again. I just want to keep the faith that I will be strong no matter how scary joblessness is, I want to be strong. Thanks, and if you have a suggestion to coach me to not resent the past, or feel sorry for myself for the unfair outcome after all that hard work, bring it on, I need help.
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Old 07-02-2013, 04:33 AM   #2 (permalink)
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welcome, human, and kudos to you for starting the fight again.
it works if you work it...

I cannot change the past, but I can change my way of perceiving the past, and I do not have to perpetuate it as the reality of the present and the future.
- Sister Dang Nghiem
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Old 07-02-2013, 04:44 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Hello human,
Sorry to hear all of the fallout
I hope you can be the quiet eye in the centre of the storm
You know that on SR there are people who will accept you, care for you and help you.
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Old 07-02-2013, 05:41 AM   #4 (permalink)
bona fido dog-lover
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to the family! I'm glad you found us.
I'd rather live in my car with my dogs than live in a castle without them.

Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole.

Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It takes place every day. -Albert Camus

Find the good and praise it. - Alex Haley

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Old 07-02-2013, 05:47 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Welcome Human
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Old 07-02-2013, 05:50 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Welcome! And best of wishes on your journey. I am sure there are many like you on SR and in the world.
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Old 07-02-2013, 06:30 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Hi Human,
You won't get any tough words from me. That just plain sucks what you went and are going through. I'm in my 50's and was unemployed too. Had to take on aging parents too at the same time.

Felt the same way. I may be broke and tired but no sense being broke, tired and drunk.

The best way I saw to get out of my predicament was to stop the drinking. Same here, had 10 years awhile back so I knew damn well life was better. If I had any chance to see an opportunity, it would probably happen when I wasn't drunk or hungover so I thought best to sober up pronto.

Hang in there. Glad you found SR!
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human (07-03-2013)
Old 07-02-2013, 06:56 AM   #8 (permalink)

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I am SO proud of your strength to realize where you were heading again and knowing that drinking again will not help your situation! Maybe numb it, but it will only postpone you from moving ahead and getting your life back together. That, it itself, is a HUGE step! I'm only on day 5 from being a practicing alcoholic for the last 27 years in order to numb my past and all it did was postpone me from ever having a real life that I have so deperately wanted. I let life get me down and made myself believe that my life would never amount to anything. What a waste of time and a terrible way to think! I've realized that life is always going to throw curveballs at us so we need to prepare ourselves for them and know that no matter what happens, we can choose to pick ourselves up and LIVE regardless of the circumstances around us! As long as we keep our mind set on what is important (YOU) and you constantly tell yourself that life might be hard now and not what you ever expected, but it WILL get better, it will happen. I am a firm believer that the way we think and what we tell ourselves can change our lives. Believe that nothing and no one can ever keep you from being the strong individual that you are and that you will get through any obstacle life throws your way and become stronger after each trial. Think of it as a growing experience. That's what is getting me through. I just keep telling myself each morning that I am not going to let anything or anyone take away my joy from living today, as each day is a blessing from God! Doesn't mean that I am not struggling right now and that life isn't hard with issues around me and people who try to get me down, but I'm not going to let the world take away anymore of my living time! Even though life has been hard the last 41 years and I've gone through so much physical and sexual abuse since childhood and many other bad things (and we have all had different issues that have controlled our emotions and lowered our way of thinking) I am not going to spend anymore time feeling like a victim but that I am a survivor (AND SO ARE YOU!) and will not allow my life to dwindle away anymore feeling sorry but making a change for a better life! Life will be hard, but focusing on God and keeping positive thoughts in your mind that it could always be worse (we could not be waking up to even have this beautiful morning) is something that can help you get through. I pray the best for you. STAY STRONG!
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Old 07-02-2013, 07:21 AM   #9 (permalink)
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I know the feeling - sorry to hear about the job and your struggles. If I may share, I've had a similar experience with my job. I was a high-level sales director in the media industry for over 10 years, but alas I succumbed to my alcoholism and ended up quitting my job 2 years ago. Since becoming sober I've tried to re-enter the workforce, but as a recovering alcoholic I didn't want to start out as a sales director - but rather take a smaller, low-key role. I wanted to avoid sales, basically, too. Like you, it's frustrating as heck to see that nobody wants an overqualified employee like me. I was perfectly willing to accept a salary that paid me way less than HALF of my old salary, but companies wouldn't touch me with a 10-foot pole. Even entry level positions wouldn't touch me, probably due to my age (38) and experience. It's amazing to see that the hard work and meteoric rise in my career has actually come back to haunt me.

However...life is not fair. We need to stop throwing pity parties for ourselves and move on. I've found work online and been able to make money here and there with other methods. I don't get paychecks now, I just get straight cash and hope to keep things together with duct tape and bubble gum.

We must move forward and not be angry. Accept your situation for what it is. It seems as if you have done so and it's very encouraging to hear you are moving on to the right path. You are not alone out there, many others share your pain and your fears.

Best of luck in your sobriety - which is the most important thing.
Doing the work. Living the dream.
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Old 07-02-2013, 02:38 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Welcome Human

I'm really sorry for your struggles. Life can really through us some tough ones sometimes.

I was successful in my career - then my body and health started to rebel against me - I was effectively 'retired' at 30.

so I drank a little more and turned to my second career of music - and then, after a few years, lost that career cos the drinking got too much.

Can't remember much of the years after that - but I got sober and I've stayed that way since.

Still have my health issues - but life is good

I hope you'll come to find your new sober life is so good it helps heal the pain of the old one.

Glad you found us
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Old 07-02-2013, 02:58 PM   #11 (permalink)
Learning to live again
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Welcome to a wonderful place human. You'll be right at home here - we all understand.
You are so much more than the worst thing you've ever done. Fr. Greg Boyle

A little voice deep inside me said, "Hello, I am here." It was a small voice, & sounded as if it were buried underneath the cushions of my couch. It was my soul...I had forgotten it.

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Old 07-04-2013, 01:14 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Going into a 5th day sober and praying to heal the hurts I have inflicted upon my family with my actions of self gratification. Have been feeling all turned around and sleep is impossible accept for collapsing after 20 hours of insomnia, this certainly is not an instant solution.

Funny though, having gone to some music events at jazz clubs for the past few days for professional reasons, I was amazed to watch the process of people starting out straight and then getting inebriated after 2 or more drinks, and then was thinking how stupid I had looked to the straight people when I was doing gigs and getting tipsy over the course of the evening. When everyone drinks together and acts more stupid with more drinks, it isn't noticeable, but I am ashamed to think how my twisted reasoning expected people to not see my sloppy progress several drinks can have. Oh well, that is the past, and it could have been worse. Now to get on a good sleep schedule, any suggestions? Cannot tolerate sleeping pills of any kind.
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avoiding self pity

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