Caoi

Goodnight all, thank you for keeping me occupied during the late hours and not bored !! Very supportive site. Day 6 tomorrow. Stay strong.
Caoimhin

misterritter

Thanks for posting this. Reading it is really good for me right now. I know i could so easily go buy two bottles of wine, and from the outside, nothing really bad would happen. I could easily fit it into my schedule, but it would take a toll on my soul. So I will post this instead.

rustyr

Day 4 for me.

I have a real tough weekend coming up where I'll be going down to the Oregon coast with a bunch of family and we are renting a house. There will be drinking, bbq on the beach, etc. and I've already caught myself rationalizing that I could have a couple down there and it wouldn't be a big deal, or I could have an "out of state" exception. How stupid!!

I will not drink this weekend!

KittyH

~~ My birthday is July 29th....... I will be 50........ I have a big party planned at (where else ?? ) a bar. Cant imagine going and then not drinking. I guess I should cancel it and find something else to do......... I am just really sad at this moment :'(

AVRoar

What a great forum, I am so glad I found you guys through random google search. I am on day 7 of sobriety, I do drink on and off, not really that much - 2, rarely 3 glasses of wine few times a week but I always have nightmarish hangovers, with vomiting, migraine type headaches and so on. I also have anxiety issues and alcohol seems to be calming me down, but of course next day I feel much much worse.
I really don't want to drink anymore, ever. I like feeling clean and wake up in the morning rested. Nice to meet all of you!

Leshar

Hi KittyH, sorry you're feeling sad. Is it possible to change the venue for your 50th? I know it's not too far away, perhaps you've made arrangements that can't be changed, but I think that would be too much stress for you, celebrating this milestone birthday at a bar. Might ppl encourage you to drink, because it will your birthday? Like, hey, it's your 50th, celebrate! You can always stop tomorrow... You know?
Think of your 50th as a huge present to yourself, beginning a new chapter of your life on this milestone bday!!

KittyH

Hi Leshar, yeah those are my thoughts too. I know my friends and there is no WAY they would put up with me not celebrating. The plans arent really formal I just invited everyone to our local bar and many have rsvp'd. I am not sure what I will do about it. It makes me really sad and bummed out to think about it. I just dont know what I will do and that suxs.

rustyr

Oh Kitty - I feel for you. The thought of a big party like that is scary to me because it would mean cancelling something I'd been looking forward to and if I did, also broadcasting to everyone that I have a problem with alcohol, which I'm still scared to do. My wife knows but I've kept it pretty quiet otherwise. On the other hand, I'd be asking for it if I had a party like that at a bar and it would put me in jeopardy. Its hard enough to just be around other people drinking -- let alone a big party that is for my benefit. Its YOUR party -- is there something you can do that you'd enjoy at another venue?

I like Leshar's outlook too -- think of it as your gift to yourself -- do what's good for YOU and make it past this milestone with your sobriety intact. Just think, if you do it from now until then you will have almost a month under your belt! You CAN do it.

KittyH

Thanks rustyr, I appreciate the reply. So far everytime I think about my birthday I cry (just like now). I am not sure exactly what triggers the same reaction everytime. I dont know if its more that I am in the state I am and let it get this far, or if its the sadness of not having this party that I have wanted so long........ I just dont know. I havent even told anyone that I am trying to quit because they have heard it all before from me and it never lasts but a day or two at the most. I am sick of hearing myself say the words. Yesterday is when I joined and I didnt even make it thru ONE NIGHT !!!! <<< sorry
I am just tired of letting myself and my family down. I feel like a loser and so WEAK !!!
** sigh I am just really feeling very negative about myself and I am sorry for whining all over this thread. Sometimes I just wish I wasnt me...........

Tallia

Kitty ((hugs)) is there something else fun you can arrange a meal in a restaurant instead of pub, a film in the cinema, bowling a day out at a local attraction. Thinking of you it must be tough xx

KittyH

Thanks so much Tallia for the great ideas. Part of my problem with this whole thing is that some of the people who are coming are fans of my band. They are very supportive and come out to our shows but we dont get much of a chance to actually hang out with them. I feel like I will be kinda snubbing them to just cancel the event............ truly I am so torn about what to do. Maybe I can lie and say I am on some prescription and cant drink ?!? Although my husband and band and friends would know it wasnt true .......... its really just so frustrating and its supposed to be MY big birthday

safeandsound

Would you be OK being around other people drinking? I was told to always have an "escape plan" in case it gets too tempting. I know what you mean about disappointing other people, but as has been mentioned, it's your birthday. Maybe just a different location where those who WANT to can still drink, but it's not the whole focus of the place (like a restaurant as above).

I have often used the prescription excuse when I quit drinking before. I didn't want anyone to know, partly for the reason you gave, because I had quit before and failed, but also among professionals. I didn't want to get the reputation as the alcoholic around the office. I personally think it's fine to lie about this if it will keep you safe for the night. I'm not sure how your friends and everyone would know you weren't on a prescription? I always think of health stuff as pretty personal.

workoholic

Prescription is good, lots of stuff such as antiobiotics and pain killers don't go safely with alcohol. My current excuse is that I try to lose some weight.

KittyH

Hi safeandsound, my friends and I talk about EVERYTHING in our lives, LOL At the very least they would be saying well what are you taking antibiotics for ??? Just kinda nosy that way. I have been thinking alot about my birthday today and maybe the only course of action IS to tell them. Not the fans but my husband, family and friends. I know they will be very supportive and I will just have to bite the bullet for the other times that I have tried to quit and failed. I need to change the venue to something else for sure. I am sure I can come up with something fun to do............ I just wish that the thought of my birthday wasnt bringing on a panic attack for me and sending my heart racing. It should be something to look forward to not something to GET thru..... ya know ?? :\

Ladybug2

You can do it, SM!! Just keep thinking how great and proud you will feel after you make it through. Stay strong and keep us posted! Rooting for ya

Mustdoit

Hi there Kitty H. I was trying to think of famous people/ musicians/actors who stopped drinking. I am sure there are a few.
Is the celebration getting together with people you like and enjoying being with or drinking with them? I think you need to enjoy your birthday, maybe tell your friends that your gift to yourself is being sober. Don't let a need to fit in spoil what you are doing.
It's your birthday and people will be nice to you - they may not take you very seriously after 2 days if you have done it before but they will after even a week- I bet most of them would struggle with that long without a drink.
Please enjoy your 50th and make your party work for you if you want it.

KittyH

Hi Mustdoit, thanks for your thoughts. I am still twirling this around in my mind, whats right and whats wrong.......... I just know that I have to make this change in my life if I want to make it to another birthday so I am going to do my best. And right this minute I dont have a drink in my hand and that is surely something http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/images/smilies/Thanks.gif

SoberMarathon

Thanks Ladybug2! You're right, I made it through the evening, still alcohol-free:-) Dinner was in a familiar pub where I normally would have enjoyed pounding a few pints. I was anxious at first but got through it with little trouble - went for an alcohol-free beer first and then just water... Tomorrow will be more challenging but I am still keeping strong. Thanks for your support, I really appreciate it.

Mustdoit

KittyH
I like myself so much more sober but those social pressures worry me too. Its like admitting to failure- I can't control my intake of an addictive drug therefore I am a looser. If it was cigarettes no one would pressure you, just give you patches and an E cigarette. No one expects a smoker to have a few at the weekend and then stop all week- but the culture is that drink is lovely and we should be able to drink control it & tobacco is bad, smelly and not encouraged any more. I am tying to think of alcohol like a drug that is very bad for me and not a treat.

KittyH

~~~ Got too upset. I am drinking. Maybe I dont belong here yet. Need to get myself under some control first. Thank you all for your lovely encouragement. I am such a failure and I see the writing on the wall for me