why not
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 14
why not
Hello folks. Well this is day 4.. I have tried a few times recently and haven't gotten past day 5 of sobriety. I suppose I could try a short version. I smoked marijuana for about 5 years first, all day every day kind of smoking. I hated alcohol, it made me feel like crap and I looked down at alcoholics, probably because there were so many in my family. Father, step father, aunts uncles. And also heave drug users in my family. I thought, "I'll never be one of those". So anyway I smoked pot constantly, to the point that it was no longer social, it was just to keep my mind off of everything while I played video games. Pretty much forgoing all friendships because it was just easier aside from a couple of family members. Then about 7 years ago I couldn't smoke the illegal weed anymore, so I turned to the legal alternative, alcohol. At first three beers would get my mind off of things, then before long it was 7-8 a night. Well, circumstances changed and I was again able to smoke marijuana, but I continued to drink while doing so, so now I was a pot head and a drinker, probably even an alcoholic at that point since I couldn't go more than 1-2 days without drinking and that was only when I was smoking a lot of weed. That went on for about 5 years or so, smoking weed and drinking about a 12 pack a night, every night. (aside from when I got my DUI, I didn't smoke for 3 months while in classes, but I would drink the night of my class and then the next 3 days giving it 3 days to get out of my system because I didn't want to get busted for it on my weekly urine test) Sometimes I would go a few days without drinking over that period but only why I smoked. Or I would go a few days without smoking because of lack of access, but I would get pretty drunk every night. Over the last couple of years I have cut back on smoking marijuana a great deal, mostly because it got to be hard to get. But I have known I have a problem with alcohol because I have wanted to quit drinking for so long and have not been able to. I have not smoked marijuana in probably over a month now, and am really wanting a bit to just dull my senses over these past 3 days of not drinking, but I am determined to get sober, totally sober. I have gone the longest 1 week, about 2 and a half years ago. without any mind altering substances in about the last 12 years. Last month I made it 4 days before caving on the 5th and getting both high and drunk. Then a couple weeks ago I went two days before deciding ah, screw it.. and went on a three day bender. For the most part I have held a job the whole time, but I plan my drinking around it. Usually about 8 beers a night unless on a bender, but the beer is every night and I slam them so I get drunk, no restraint.. I have horrible self esteem, used to be a pretty smart guy, but I don't even know anymore, and use the drug and drink to forget, then I do stupid horrible things (mostly words, but words cut) to anyone who decides to actually try to be my friend so there is more to forget. It turns me into a different person when I drink, and makes me not care or think when I smoke. Never married, no kids, mostly withdrawn into myself in this world. So there isn't anyone else I am doing this for. I am doing this for me. I want to be what I know I can be, who I really am, and how will I ever even know unless I clear my mind. okay, I could go on, but if this is the short version, the long version would be a book. If anyone actually read this, well thanks. Just a bit of my story. And yeah, my AV is talking like crazy today, but I'm not listening. What an awesome community you guys have here. So anyway, Hi guys! 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 414
Welcome to SR just1man! You've made a great choice to pursue recovery!
Thank you for sharing your story. Many of us have abused both alcohol and marijuana, so you will find a lot of support and encouragement here from folks that understand what you are going through.
Have you decided to attend AA meetings? They can provide a lot of face-to-face support that you may need in the early days.
Best of luck! Keep reading and posting. Let us know how it is going.
Thank you for sharing your story. Many of us have abused both alcohol and marijuana, so you will find a lot of support and encouragement here from folks that understand what you are going through.
Have you decided to attend AA meetings? They can provide a lot of face-to-face support that you may need in the early days.
Best of luck! Keep reading and posting. Let us know how it is going.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
You've done a good thing by coming here. I've only been here for a day but the inspiration that I've received in that one day is phenomenal. In fact, this place was the difference between me drinking and not drinking yesterday and I can't be thankful enough for that.
Keep coming here because it's the best thing to drown out the AV!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 14
Charlie, as a matter of fact, I have absolutely considered it, but still undecided. I have attended some in the past, but they were forced by the court after my DUI several years back. Not sure if they are right for me or not. I am all about the whole idea of basically recovering not only from alcohol, but recovering your life, and I have the BB, but I'm not sure the steps are really right for me. Who knows. TBH I've been considering every option.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,164
Coming here and posting is a big step Just1. It is good to be doing this just for yourself, and you have good reasons too. I too would suggest you check out AA and looks at AVRT too. There is no right or wrong way to give up, but you need support and encouragement int nearly days. Look at some of the different threads here, others in the same situation or going through the same temptations. Stay strong, make it to day 5 and keep moving forward from there!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 14
Thank you, Anna. Your sig gives me chills. I read it while reading all kinds of threads here over the last 3 days, and didn't remember who or where I read it, but I know it was yours, I remember the pink text. It has ran through my head countless times since I first read that. I love it. And I think what is going to go most in my favor this time around is that before I felt like sobriety was something I HAD to do if I wanted to be a better person. It was like something I was forcing. Now it's something I WANT.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,522
Welcome just1! It's great to have you join us.
I absolutely agree with what you said about wanting to quit vs having to. I looked at quitting as a loss - I'd be missing out on something. I don't know why I felt that way - in the end it was nothing but a horror show. I never knew what would happen once I took that first drink. I like your attitude - you sound ready to do this.
I absolutely agree with what you said about wanting to quit vs having to. I looked at quitting as a loss - I'd be missing out on something. I don't know why I felt that way - in the end it was nothing but a horror show. I never knew what would happen once I took that first drink. I like your attitude - you sound ready to do this.
This place helped me get sober and I feel very at home here. I'm sure you will too.Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 480
Welcome to SR Just1. I relate to a lot of your experience - and I can tell you that our bodies and minds are remarkable machines - you can recover what seems dim at the moment. We never lose who we really are; it's there, behind the smoke and the beer. Stick around, and you'll see.
Welcome.
Welcome.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,359
welcome aboard Just1man 
I was a pot smoker and drinker too - have no fear - stay the course and you will find you authentic self again - and a few of those brain cells your fear you've lost too
D
I was a pot smoker and drinker too - have no fear - stay the course and you will find you authentic self again - and a few of those brain cells your fear you've lost too
D
Nothing is impossible!
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: EAGAN
Posts: 792
Originally Posted by just1man 
Hello folks. Well this is day 4.. I have tried a few times recently and haven't gotten past day 5 of sobriety. I suppose I could try a short version. I smoked marijuana for about 5 years first, all day every day kind of smoking. I hated alcohol, it made me feel like crap and I looked down at alcoholics, probably because there were so many in my family. Father, step father, aunts uncles. And also heave drug users in my family. I thought, "I'll never be one of those". So anyway I smoked pot constantly, to the point that it was no longer social, it was just to keep my mind off of everything while I played video games. Pretty much forgoing all friendships because it was just easier aside from a couple of family members. Then about 7 years ago I couldn't smoke the illegal weed anymore, so I turned to the legal alternative, alcohol. At first three beers would get my mind off of things, then before long it was 7-8 a night. Well, circumstances changed and I was again able to smoke marijuana, but I continued to drink while doing so, so now I was a pot head and a drinker, probably even an alcoholic at that point since I couldn't go more than 1-2 days without drinking and that was only when I was smoking a lot of weed. That went on for about 5 years or so, smoking weed and drinking about a 12 pack a night, every night. (aside from when I got my DUI, I didn't smoke for 3 months while in classes, but I would drink the night of my class and then the next 3 days giving it 3 days to get out of my system because I didn't want to get busted for it on my weekly urine test) Sometimes I would go a few days without drinking over that period but only why I smoked. Or I would go a few days without smoking because of lack of access, but I would get pretty drunk every night. Over the last couple of years I have cut back on smoking marijuana a great deal, mostly because it got to be hard to get. But I have known I have a problem with alcohol because I have wanted to quit drinking for so long and have not been able to. I have not smoked marijuana in probably over a month now, and am really wanting a bit to just dull my senses over these past 3 days of not drinking, but I am determined to get sober, totally sober. I have gone the longest 1 week, about 2 and a half years ago. without any mind altering substances in about the last 12 years. Last month I made it 4 days before caving on the 5th and getting both high and drunk. Then a couple weeks ago I went two days before deciding ah, screw it.. and went on a three day bender. For the most part I have held a job the whole time, but I plan my drinking around it. Usually about 8 beers a night unless on a bender, but the beer is every night and I slam them so I get drunk, no restraint.. I have horrible self esteem, used to be a pretty smart guy, but I don't even know anymore, and use the drug and drink to forget, then I do stupid horrible things (mostly words, but words cut) to anyone who decides to actually try to be my friend so there is more to forget. It turns me into a different person when I drink, and makes me not care or think when I smoke. Never married, no kids, mostly withdrawn into myself in this world. So there isn't anyone else I am doing this for. I am doing this for me. I want to be what I know I can be, who I really am, and how will I ever even know unless I clear my mind. okay, I could go on, but if this is the short version, the long version would be a book. If anyone actually read this, well thanks. Just a bit of my story. And yeah, my AV is talking like crazy today, but I'm not listening. What an awesome community you guys have here. So anyway, Hi guys!
You can free yourself from the cycle of addiction, and being here is a great first step. Your self esteem and confidence will come back or grow as you work on your sobriety and learn to live without the crutch of drugs or alcohol. In a year from now, you may be shocked at how much you have changed and how much better your life is..............but you gotta stick with this. Welcome.
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