wpainterw

I have just learned that my grandson, age 24, will be visiting us for the next three days. He was visiting his dad but got kicked out because he was smoking marijuana and his dad was concerned that he would be a bad influence on my other grandchild who was visiting him (dad) and on the children of the person my dad is staying with.
I am not going to say that he is not to take marijuana while visiting me and my wife. I can’t control that. I can ask him not to do it but if he needs to do that then to do it out on the back patio. I’m not lending him the car keys or giving him money when he is here, nor will I give him access to my wi-fi.
I plan to tell him that I am a recovering alcoholic with 25 years of sobriety. I’m going to tell him about the Sober Recovery website. He is reported to be saying that he has not taken any marijuana for three days and is worried about the detox. (But if he’s not taking it then why is his dad kicking him out of the house?) I plan to tell him that, when he gets back to his college location (Colorado) and if he is sincere about wanting to kick the habit, then he should consult a physician and/or counselor, investigate opportunities for support groups, including NA, Smart Recovery, Rational Recovery, etc.
Finally, I’m going to tell him that no one can “make” him give it up. He’s going to have to do that for himself, if he wants to. If he doesn’t give it up then, whether or not it affects his own life, his long term job prospects, etc., it is highly likely to affect his relationship to his dad, his half sister and to his cousins in the midwest.
Has anyone out there any comments on this? Any suggestions on what I should do or not do in the next three days? I've never taken marijuana. Anyone out there who can tell me what the detox is like (symptoms, duration, severity) with the kind of marijuana which is available these days? Not asking for medical advice since that cannot be requested or given on this SR. But I can ask about what the detox is like, how long it usually takes, how severe. etc. Thanks.

W.

visch1

All we can do is plant the seed and step away. We can't get anyone drunk or sober. As you probably know it's a difficult situation working with family addicts. Many of us only learn the hard way. BE WELL

2granddaughters

Good luck, Bill.

Ask your HP for help and do your best. Your original post shows that you are on the right track.

All the best.

Bob R

quitforme79

Sounds to me like you are handling it just as you should. Being supportive, offering helpful tips (see a dr) and sharing your story about recovery. I have active addicts in my life and I've come to learn that all I can do is love them without expectations. When they are ready (if they are) they will embark on a sober journey. Before it was my time, there was nothing anyone could've said or did to make me change. Best wishes for a nice visit!

wpainterw

Thanks so much for the replies thus far. I'd like to note a correction. The kid is reported to have said that he hasn't used for one day (not three days as reported on the original thread). If true then he's 24 hours into sobriety. Any idea of what he might expect in the net few days? Thanks again.

W.

Bebetter

I think like any drug, the detox would be relative to how much and how frequently he takes it. I (like your grandson) went to school out in CO too and it was a huge part of the culture there, and I smoked more than my share of mj for a long time. I quit when it stopped feeling fun and had absolutely no side effects. None. Zero. I just felt normal. The problem for him is that if he doesn't want to quit, he will still crave it, and so the mental cravings will be a side effect for him. I just happened to stop wanting it, so it wasn't an issue at all.

360shoes

Hi WPainter,
I don't know about marijuana but I'll bet if you google you will find out a lot. I don't think it is the type of drug that needs medical intervention just from what I've read and people I've known who have quit. Thing is no one may know for sure if that's all he has been using. Ask your doctor. They have heard it all trust me.

Since you asked for opinions, I will give you my 2 cents. That's all it is and all it's probably worth.

You only have 3 days. If it were me I would kindly state the visiting rules. I don't know that I would be that nice to say the patio. I would say off all my property. He's old enough to understand you don't fire up wherever you want with a substance that is illegal anyway. If you live where it isn't illegal, well then I understand patio..out with any other smokers then. I would share my personal struggles and what I did to change it and how much better it is. I would show him what better looks like by being fun and kind and loving.

I wouldn't spend all the time in 3 days trying to change someone. Rarely that works anyway. I would however take the time to talk to him and let him talk. I'd spend a lot of time just trying to be with him and enjoying being with him. I'd do a lot of listening.

We can't talk or love or convince people to change but I think sometimes someone says something or does something that sticks with us and never leaves us. Sometimes those little things come back to us when we need it most.

It will be what it will be. Just do your best. Ask him how he feels. Let him talk if he wants to. Listen with an open heart.

I hope your time with your grandson is a very special one.

Carlotta

I have a couple of friends who are pot heads (heavy smokers). When they don't have the money for it, they don't go through physical withdrawal. It's more of a mental thing. Congrats on your plan by the way. You are setting really clear boundaries and are ready to stick to them

Anna

I hope that the visit goes well, Bill, and hopefully your grandson will learn from observing you.

sugarbear1

I gave up alcohol and weed at the same time. I've given up weed in the past.

There is really very little in regard to detoxing from weed.

The worst I had was foggy brain off and on for about a year (this time in recovery), but was it the alcohol or the weed?

When I was young (into my 30's with smoking it since I was about 14), there really wasn't anything to be concerned about. Maybe mood shifts, but not much of that.

If he sticks to not smoking it, he's going to be okay.

wpainterw

Update: Thanks, folks, for all your helpful replies and suggestions. Pot's illegal where I live and I need to make that clear to my grandson. If he wants to smoke then he'd better not do it here, even on my back patio. Take a walk. Getting a bit edgy at this point. He arrives in a little over two hours. Safeguarding my car keys, money, credit cards, etc. And, as one of you very helpfully said, putting the emphasis in the next few days on listening to him, not trying to "advise" or "control" him. As I grow older I get a feeling that I have been put here for a purpose. I can't change anyone, but I can tell them my story, if they want to listen. A sort of Ancient Mariner, back from a long and often frightful voyage. (I do like the way that poem begins: "There was a ship...Quoth he...")

W.

tootsl1

It's difficult to know how bad a problem your grandson has, or what he wants to do about it if anything. I am a recovering alcoholic, but was heavily into pot for a few years when I was younger. I had no withdrawals but missed the high, though I feel now looking back it wasted a lot of my time, as I never wanted to do anything whilst I smoked. All you can do is be a life lesson to your grandson,we get one shot at life, it oughtn't be wasted in a drink or drugged haze, but each of us has to find our own path. He will listen or he won't, let him know your ground rules, and that you will always love him regardless. Try to allow for him to talk about it if he wishes, but don't keep bringing it up if he doesn't you will only close him down. Good luck

Carlotta

Just wanted to add, if you are starting to feel edgy keep telling yourself that when it comes to his addiction: You did not cause it, you cannot control it and you cannot cure it.
I am a double winner and what really helps me is doing step 1 through 3 specifically over a person:
1) I am powerless over my own alcoholism so I sure am powerless over theirs.
2) I believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity so HP can definitely do the same for them. Since I am not God, it's not my place to restore them to sanity.
3) I turned over my will and life to God as I understood him. At some point they might do so too. Even though as a codie I'd love to have someone turn over complete control of them to me, there is a God and unfortunately it is not me.

Good luck to you and feel free to post on the Double Winners thread http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...loved-one.html
We can become and stay clean and sober and find contentment whether our loved ones are still drinking/using or not. It would be an honor to have someone with tons of sobriety and clear boundaries on.

Dee74

Hi wpainter

I smoked basically daily for 30 years - your grandson may be a little irritable, foggy and may even have trouble sleeping but in the normal course of things that's about it, and there's no medical intervention required.

I'm not a parent or a grandparent, but honestly, there should be no trouble in your grandson abstaining for three days - I did it all the time when I visited my parents...even in my worst days I knew that would not be appropriate behaviour.

D

wpainterw

Hi Everyone. Thanks for all your very helpful input. Got a phone call from my grandson a few moments ago and it seems some of the dust has settled where he is so he will be staying there and not visiting us until Wednesday. Makes me feel a little bit how it was back in the days of the London "Blitz" when the "All Clear" would sound and things could get back to normal, at least as much as possible. Thanks for helping me through this very adventurous Sunday afternoon. We do indeed live in "interesting" times!

W.