Mark03

Hi all

As i said in yesterdays post, i relapsed again and this is day 2 sober. I have to stay sober this time or I will lose everything. (my wife can only take so much)
So im totally committed this time and will not allow myself to be fooled again with the old " one drink will be ok". 20 year drinking habit here and I was doing so well..The added difficulty i have is living with yet more mistakes ive made whilst binging again! I absolutly hate myself at the moment, and also living in shame again as ive made a right fool of myself in front of family and friends..talking crap, acting pathetic etc all of which is totaly out of character for who i am. i also jumped in the car! shocking.

So, the thought of work tomorrow and facing all the gossip etc etc..im sure some of you know what im saying...all i can think of is getting a bottle..not that im going to. But its SO difficult at the moment

Worse thing about me is that sober, im very conscious, even slightly paranoid about what people think about me..quite ironic really..but when i drink i completly change as a person, act and do things i would never contemplate doing sober! Im fed up with being in this situation..so i have to go through another episode of all this, just a couple of months of just getting through the last one. At the moment im just wollowing in self pity, stomach in bits, head in sand dreading the next few days..

Anyway, thanks for listening guys...

Take care all....looking forward to being able to post more positive things soon.

least

I'm glad you're back on the right track again.

visch1

Hi. Hang in there as we are not given free relapses without payback and your seeing/feeling payback now and it gets much worse continuing this path, like maiming yourself or otherS and even death. It can get much better if you don't pick up the first drink, if you do you all bets are off. I needed AA to help get out of the horrid pit and stay out but I'm probably worse than many others trying to stay stopped and free of alcohol. Those numbers are very low that succeed. It might work in prison or a psych ward. The path many find out is being honest with themselves then get on the path of alcohol free thinking which takes awhile. Continuing on a path of self repair and direction is for the long run, like training for a fresh life. BE WELL

2granddaughters

And how do you plan on accomplishing that ??

All the best.

Bob R

Mark03

Well i know its going to be difficult.. I will be reading and posting on here regularly. Im currently looking online for local councilling/addiction therapist. Also AVRT

Mark

ippochick

does your area have an alcohol team that your GP can refer you to? i'm lucky to be in an area where i could self-refer, and should be starting a treatment program soon.

Rect8532

Good luck, friend. Day 2 here as well. The hardest part for me is not hating myself over how I behaved on Friday night, or the fall out when I arrive at work on Monday.

But we can do it this time. We have to.

Carlotta

Good. Write your big plan and stick to it no matter what. I won't invite you to join us on the 24 hours club because AVRT does not believe in one day at a time but check out the class of July 2013 in the newcomers section. You will get a lot of support from your peers who stopped at the same time and are going through roughly the same thing you do. I love my class here, I got so much encouragement from them.

Anna

Mark, I do remember how miserable the early days were and you have my empathy. But, know for sure that you can get through this. I remember feeling like I had to climb mountains, but like you, I had no other choice. I had to do it or lose everything.

You will be able to get through this. Stay focused on recovery.

Mark03

Yep it was Friday night for me too!

But your right, we have to

Thanks

Hevyn

You can get free of it, Mark - and never go back to that awful place. There's nothing in it for us anymore - only misery and regret. The memory of the relapse will fade - try not to dwell on the shame you feel over what happened. People will forget, and so will you. Walk into work with your head held high and a new attitude. You know you're going to do it this time.

ReadyAtLast

I know just how you feel.So many times I've done something stupid on a Friday at work and utterly dreaded Monday morning. just think you will never need to feel this way again. It may not be as bad as you seem,other people are often worried about their own behaviour too. I can also relate to being paranoid and worried about what people think of you when sober.I was exactlty the same,nervous even which is precisely why I did drink,for confidence, to fit in etc. It never worked of course. The amazing thing is that now sober I am more secure in myself, more confident,less nervous and my paranoia has almost vanished.I'm not the life and soul of the party but I don't want to be,I'm quiet person who enjoys my own company and close friends andthat's fine. I no longer try to fit in or be someone I'm not. I'm just me. You don't ever have to have a weekend of worry like this,over your drinking,ever again.Intime,bystaying sober people will forgive you and you will learn to forgive yourself. good luck tomorrow