A life without drinking..
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
And welcome from me too, Victoria - from another Victoria!
You've already received heaps of warm and to the point replies - stick around! You're embarking on a great and very important, indeed, life saving journey, and will have innumerable fellow travellers with you.
You've already received heaps of warm and to the point replies - stick around! You're embarking on a great and very important, indeed, life saving journey, and will have innumerable fellow travellers with you.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Welcome Victoria!
I know just how you feel. I desperately wanted to cling to drinking. After all, it had been a part of my life for 30 yrs. Over time, I grew more & more dependent on it until I was drinking all day, every day. I never dreamed that could happen to me. What I once used to enhance my life had become a necessity. No longer fun or relaxing - just something I did so I wouldn't shake. That's where having no 'off switch' can lead us if we don't take action - the way you are now.
I agree with the others - it is not a constant struggle. I looked at it all wrong in the beginning - like I'd be losing something, missing out on life. What I gained was a beautiful world in which I truly took part - no more phoning it in. You don't need it in your life.
I know just how you feel. I desperately wanted to cling to drinking. After all, it had been a part of my life for 30 yrs. Over time, I grew more & more dependent on it until I was drinking all day, every day. I never dreamed that could happen to me. What I once used to enhance my life had become a necessity. No longer fun or relaxing - just something I did so I wouldn't shake. That's where having no 'off switch' can lead us if we don't take action - the way you are now.
I agree with the others - it is not a constant struggle. I looked at it all wrong in the beginning - like I'd be losing something, missing out on life. What I gained was a beautiful world in which I truly took part - no more phoning it in. You don't need it in your life.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,494
Welcome, Victoria!
One thing I know is that there is never a 'good' time to stop drinking. There is always a reason to put it off. Why not use the vacation time to be the start of your new sober life?
One thing I know is that there is never a 'good' time to stop drinking. There is always a reason to put it off. Why not use the vacation time to be the start of your new sober life?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Northern Europe
Posts: 121
Day 2 sober, I am living i Europe so for me it is morning now. Still feel abslutely awful about how I behaved when drunk 2 days ago. It is diffucut to handle the loathing and anxiety. Terrified that people might talk and even more terrified that I would be able to change my behaviour.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Northern Europe
Posts: 121
Anna, that is an interersting idea, am really not feeling like wanting to talk to my mother about my drinking, and if I drink nothing she will think Iīm pregnant or something... any ideas on what to say?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: San Diego
Posts: 611
You sound so much like me when I was new to sobriety. I had so many questions and fears. I couldn't picture my life with alcohol or without it - a very uncomfortable place indeed. The good news is this : you aren't going to live the rest of your life tomorrow, you're going to do a 24 hour bite sized peace. So if you can perhaps make it through just tomorrow, you can focus on Tuesday when Tuesday comes. That's how I did it in the beginning and still do when it gets tough. I break it down into minutes, hours, days... Whatever it takes. Now that I have some time being alcohol free and I'm active in recovery doing the things that help me (like coming here!!!) I don't think about it as much or crave the booze. As for my friends, the people who acted the most shocked were usually the ones that also had some issues with alcohol. Interesting. I don't worry what they think as much as I once did. I have to do what's best for myself and my family. Good luck on your trip and definitely consider calling AA it can be so helpful if you work the program and keep an open mind! Hope to hear from you soon!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
hey my namesake Victoria - I have to zip shortly as I have the rare luxury of an Indian dinner being delivered (gave it to myself). But just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you. And as Baby Jane wisely says, try to narrow down the minutes / hours.
It's one of the things us alkies do. We do that thing of saying to ourselves: OMG, what will I say to X, Y, Z....about everything really. Am I a terrible person? and so on.
Please luv, just try to breathe, just for now. Just do whatever it is you need to do, right now, over in Europe. Go for a coffee? Have a shower? Fiddle about with your clothes? Look out at the canals / mountains / streets or wherever you are. And breathe.
Most of us forget to do that supremely simple stuff.
Blessings to you.
It's one of the things us alkies do. We do that thing of saying to ourselves: OMG, what will I say to X, Y, Z....about everything really. Am I a terrible person? and so on.
Please luv, just try to breathe, just for now. Just do whatever it is you need to do, right now, over in Europe. Go for a coffee? Have a shower? Fiddle about with your clothes? Look out at the canals / mountains / streets or wherever you are. And breathe.
Most of us forget to do that supremely simple stuff.
Blessings to you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Atlanta, Ga
Posts: 291
Good morning and WELCOME TO SR Victoria! You have been given alot of great advice, please read and keep posting. I am also in the early recovery of alcoholism and it does get better with each passing day.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CAPE COD, MA
Posts: 1,020
Originally Posted by Victoria74 
GracieLou, how did you do it, how did you get sober? I feel so hopeless and like failure.
Not waving, but drowning
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 423
Hi Victoria,
I identify with much that you've said.
I found it awkward at the beginning to not drink when other people were. There are some old threads on this subject which you can search for. The important thing is not to take that first drink or think you can have just one, or just take a few sips so people won't notice.
I tried saying my stomach was unsettled and I was giving it a rest. That got me through the early days without too much comment (although I do have family members who aggressively push alcohol). Later you'll be stronger and can decide if you want to reveal more.
I managed (after several failed attempts) to stop drinking, using mostly SR and this community. It has now been 2 1/2 years!
I understand a European vacation seems like it is made for wine in the sun---but think how wonderful you'll feel, sitting in the sun, not hungover or regretful!
Good luck and keep posting. We're with you!
Danae
I identify with much that you've said.
I found it awkward at the beginning to not drink when other people were. There are some old threads on this subject which you can search for. The important thing is not to take that first drink or think you can have just one, or just take a few sips so people won't notice.
I tried saying my stomach was unsettled and I was giving it a rest. That got me through the early days without too much comment (although I do have family members who aggressively push alcohol). Later you'll be stronger and can decide if you want to reveal more.
I managed (after several failed attempts) to stop drinking, using mostly SR and this community. It has now been 2 1/2 years!
I understand a European vacation seems like it is made for wine in the sun---but think how wonderful you'll feel, sitting in the sun, not hungover or regretful!
Good luck and keep posting. We're with you!
Danae
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,997
Welcome Victoria!
This is just me but what really helped me is I was always pretty good at taking any new concept I had mixed feelings about and looking at it in new ways to convince myself which avenue would produce the results I wanted. Quitting drinking was similar to me.
For example, if I had mixed feeling about lets say gun control. I knew that if I chose to be pro owning a gun, I would need to focus on everything positive about owning a gun and find ways to understand reasons why not owning a gun would not work for me. The latter is a little more difficult but it can be done.
This sounds all clinical and everything but it really was the mental process I used to quit drinking. And believe me when I say I really needed to quit.
I made the decision to quit.
I told myself it was not an option no matter what.
I prepared myself for the thoughts that would convince me otherwise knowing they would come.
I rationalized those thoughts into the outcome I wanted. To not drink and be happy not drinking.
What I focus on is my reality. If the majority of my thoughts are about what I think I am missing, I probably will have a harder struggle. Heck, even one thought can make it difficult but why make it harder than it has to be.
I saw in my mind the kind of person I wanted to be and the life I wanted to live and then I convinced myself to act like I was already it. At first it felt unnatural. Then it felt like the real me. Because it was.
Here's the thing. Getting there is your personal journey and there are many ways to find the support you need to do it. It is not an impersonal journey of just a thought process. It is a change in the soul.
Dream of who you want to be and then do everything in your power to make it so. For me, it was just getting out of my own way and letting the real me be me.
It isn't easy but it is so worth it.
I wish you the best and I'm glad you found SR. All the folks here helped me work through all of this stuff.
This is just me but what really helped me is I was always pretty good at taking any new concept I had mixed feelings about and looking at it in new ways to convince myself which avenue would produce the results I wanted. Quitting drinking was similar to me.
For example, if I had mixed feeling about lets say gun control. I knew that if I chose to be pro owning a gun, I would need to focus on everything positive about owning a gun and find ways to understand reasons why not owning a gun would not work for me. The latter is a little more difficult but it can be done.
This sounds all clinical and everything but it really was the mental process I used to quit drinking. And believe me when I say I really needed to quit.
I made the decision to quit.
I told myself it was not an option no matter what.
I prepared myself for the thoughts that would convince me otherwise knowing they would come.
I rationalized those thoughts into the outcome I wanted. To not drink and be happy not drinking.
What I focus on is my reality. If the majority of my thoughts are about what I think I am missing, I probably will have a harder struggle. Heck, even one thought can make it difficult but why make it harder than it has to be.
I saw in my mind the kind of person I wanted to be and the life I wanted to live and then I convinced myself to act like I was already it. At first it felt unnatural. Then it felt like the real me. Because it was.
Here's the thing. Getting there is your personal journey and there are many ways to find the support you need to do it. It is not an impersonal journey of just a thought process. It is a change in the soul.
Dream of who you want to be and then do everything in your power to make it so. For me, it was just getting out of my own way and letting the real me be me.
It isn't easy but it is so worth it.
I wish you the best and I'm glad you found SR. All the folks here helped me work through all of this stuff.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Northern Europe
Posts: 121
Did some exercise today,a bit of jogging and some other stuff and felt really great, the tiredness is starting to ease. And I realized that running (which I did much before) is the perfect explanation as to why I donīt drink. Beacause it is completely impossible and dangerous to run hangover and even a couple of glasses takes the edge off, at least for me. So I guess I will be running on the beach in the mornings on my vacation. And that feels like a good plan. That is the person I want to be.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: London
Posts: 1,384
A life without drugging oops sorry drinking is infinitely better than a life with. Takes a while to adjust and things may feel odd strange but yes as you go on and on you will change...for the better. These forums and some of the peeps here have really helped me immensely . Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by Victoria74
Hi,
I am very new here and desperately feel that I cannot make this journey on my own. Currently hang-over after a night that was supposed to be just "a couple of drinks" ending in memory loss and a hole in the head..
I can fairly easy go without drinking at all, but I canīt take one or two glasses, I will drink the whole bottle. My friends are starting to notice and a week ago my children felt that I was not behaving normally.
I donīt know what to do, vacations coming up with drinks flooding...Iīm not ready to tell the world about my problem, even if that probably would be a good thing to do. I feel lost, and I would so much like to have someone to talk to, that could support me, but I donīt feel that I have any friend who I want to confide in. am convinced that I will **** up my life unless I quit now. I have prooven to myself so many times that I canīt stop drinking when I start...so I guess no alcohol at all is teh only way to go?
I am very new here and desperately feel that I cannot make this journey on my own. Currently hang-over after a night that was supposed to be just "a couple of drinks" ending in memory loss and a hole in the head..
I can fairly easy go without drinking at all, but I canīt take one or two glasses, I will drink the whole bottle. My friends are starting to notice and a week ago my children felt that I was not behaving normally.
I donīt know what to do, vacations coming up with drinks flooding...Iīm not ready to tell the world about my problem, even if that probably would be a good thing to do. I feel lost, and I would so much like to have someone to talk to, that could support me, but I donīt feel that I have any friend who I want to confide in. am convinced that I will **** up my life unless I quit now. I have prooven to myself so many times that I canīt stop drinking when I start...so I guess no alcohol at all is teh only way to go?
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Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Northern Europe
Posts: 121
Doing quite alright, not missing drinking, but I am having these very unhealthy thoughts that surely next week when leaving for vacation, I could moderate and have just ONE glass of wine. Very tired of these thoughts, I know it is not working for me to have one drink.
Its like as soon as I have one drink I get this restless feeling and all energy goes in to figuring out how to be able to continue drinking. And I am not going to ruin my vacation with that.
Its like as soon as I have one drink I get this restless feeling and all energy goes in to figuring out how to be able to continue drinking. And I am not going to ruin my vacation with that.
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