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Bit fed up of this life ...

Old 06-28-2013, 08:55 AM
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Bit fed up of this life ...

Hi guys / girls, I'm looking for some comments / tips really.

I'm just over 40, been drinking since I was 22 (late starter!) and all went downhill at 30 when I had a breakdown due to an early 2000's internet boom and I simply couldn't cope with doing everything / the stress. From 30 until now I seem to have progressed from 7 x cans of lager / day to 11 x cans of lager / day now.

I have run my own successful online company for over 15 years, I work at my business premesis mornings starting very early at around 5am, I then travel home at appx. 1pm and let my employees do the rest while I work from home in the afternoon where drinking immediately starts and literally takes over ... it gets to about 5.30pm (whilst still working from home) and I reach the stage where I literally can't work any longer due to the alcohol.

I also have Anxiety issues (probably brought on by the alcohol) but I have been on Cipralex for the past 10 x years which does seem to calm those down a little.

I do also smoke, 30 / day and somehow manage to consume 2 > 3 Litres of Pepsi Max every morning too, I guess to wake me up / make me more productive during the mornings.

At just over 40 I really am ready to stop this way of life and live like a normal person. I don't want to go into some sort of rehab, i'm just looking for some tips as to what I need to do myself gradually to end this addiction.

Any advice / tips more than welcome
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Old 06-28-2013, 09:02 AM
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Welcome to SR!

While we all share a common problem - alcohol - our recovery paths have not been uniform. There are many different programs/techniques/methods that members here are using to stay sober. So....my tip is to read around on the different forums and educate yourself. Then you can make an informed sobriety plan that you think will work for you.

Best of Luck! You can do this!
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Old 06-28-2013, 09:47 AM
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Your habits have been counterproductive...depressing yourself with alcohol..stimulating with sugar and caffeine and your brain chemistry is all out of whack with self imposed controls rather than the ebbs and flow of life. I know of what you speak cuz I've done same. I am on my 26th day without alcohol and cigs (although I am on the patch as I just cannot face completely freaking out my brain chemistry). My suggestions:

Put a support system in place (A cyber forum like SR, SMART Recovery, etc, AA online or Face to Face..whatever you feel comfortable with..but you WILL need support for questions, lonelieness, emotional reactions, etc etc etc etc etc etc). I also have a counsellor I see bi-weekly.

Make a list of things you can do INSTEAD of reaching for alcohol. What will be your triggers and what will you do instead?

And for me, it really helps to only focus on the NOW. I don't overwhelm myself with thoughts of the future and try to not dwell too long on my regrets of the past. I just try to face each day and their arriving situations sober. I'm not announcing to everyone I meet that I'm never drinking again etc. I choose not to drink right now.

As I am in my mid 40's..I'm very concerned about the brain and possible organ damage I have already done as a result of a daily wine habit and many many binges containing whatever alcohol I could get my hands on. I just don't want to ingest any more poison.

I want my body to repair now...

This is a great place..and others will be along with ideas and support. Welcome.
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Old 06-28-2013, 09:48 AM
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pick one addiction and work on stopping it. I say stay with alcohol.
Keeping in mind that your anxiety meds werent doing anything for you cuz it was lapped with booze
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Old 06-28-2013, 09:52 AM
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Hi UK123,

Welcome to SR! We have a lot in common. I'm 31 and own my own internet based business for over 8 years. Also work from home and communicate with my employees remotely. Working at home makes it way too easy to drink near the PC and just "relax". Started in 2002 with 2-3 big cans (0.5L) of lager a day 1-2 times a week and progressed to 10-14 cans everyday. And this is not a light **** beer but a strong one - over 5.5% alc.

It seems weird but the more successful my business was, the more automated the income became and it allowed me to spend every evening (and heck, the days!) getting drunk. I used mornings to answer all work related emails and give tasks to employees. Then at noon I felt I "deserved" my beer and went to a shop. This life made me lonely, isolated and depressed, and I don't want to live like that anymore. And you should not!

Sobriety, especially early, will be hard. For me it is unmasked loneliness and social anxiety. But we have to finally address our underlying problems and not postpone it. You are 40, obviously intelligent and in your prime male age. Get out of home, join the gym, make your day structured. This small steps helps me now.
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Old 06-28-2013, 09:58 AM
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When I was drinking, I had to have tons of caffeine every morning just to get out of bed, too. I too felt anxious all the time... I drank to make that less, but the only thing that stopped it was quitting drinking. I never realized that it was the alcohol that made me that way when I was drinking.

It is very important in the beginning to take thing ONE DAY AT A TIME. (Sometimes, it's one moment, one hour, or another small chunk. Can you make it one minute without drinking? Yep you sure can! Then you move on to making the next minute without drinking, too.)

Start by just saying, "I am not going to drink today." And then stick to that.

Tomorrow isn't here. We don't need to worry about it.
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Old 06-28-2013, 10:09 AM
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Hi

I'm in the UK too.
I also sometimes work from home and my job can be stressful.

I am coming up to 500 days sober, mostly with the help of this website.

Whether you do go to rehab, try AA, take medication, it ultimately comes down to you doing it yourself.
You (or I) could go to the best rehab available, learn the best tips and tools to stop drinking, but when you leave its still all up to you.

I paid for a very expensive private addictions counsellor not available on the NHS.

We would talk and talk and talk for hours about 'why' I drank.

£4,000 later it was starting to become apparent that I drank because I liked getting drunk.

There was no special reason, no deep seated psychological flaw. I just liked booze too much!

If my bus was late I would drink. If my bus was early I would drink. If I had run out of milk I would drink. If I missed Eastenders i would drink. I would drink just to celebrate the fact it was tuesday!

For me I had to change a lot of my behaviours.
So instead of sat slumped on the sofa after my child has gone to bed with endless TV and endless wine, I had to do something else.

At first it was a challenge. 10 years plus I had, had this routine.
I got off the sofa, smashed my favourite glass and did other things.
I did anything went or long drives, early nights, went shopping, sorted junk out for car boots, finished of stuff in the garden and house, exercised. Cooked meals for the freezer. Anything.

I can now honestly say sitting on the sofa for hours and hours drinking on an evening would seem weird. Like a waste of time. It is so freeing when you can drive or go wherever you want because you are not imprisoned by drink.

I also came here for many hours a day.
I read and learnt all I could about alcoholism and addiction.
I learnt how bad it can get. That it is progressive.
I learnt about AVRT and addictive voices and some of the common thinking patterns problem drinker like me has.

I went to some AA meetings and I will be forever grateful to the people there that shared their stories, many quite painful, to stop me from reaching a rock bottom like theirs.

I instantly thought from your post that you could stop off at a meeting on your way home from work.
Another tip might be to stay at work rather than go home, then that removes the freedom/ability to drink.

I take anti-depressants and I have found that since I stopped drinking my anxiety has become less.
I finally think my tablets are working since I stopped cancelling out their effectiveness with my self medicating with alcohol.
I don't wake up at four am every morning, my heart pounding, wanting to die anymore.
My life is a lot more peaceful.

Another tip that I think helped me was to stay in the now, don't think too far ahead.
Don't think about birthdays or christmas, or holidays. Or what your mates will say or your family.
Think just for today I will not have a drink. Tomorrow I will see how I feel. But today I am not drinking.

This statement could describe my drinking career;

'I have regretted drinking many, many times. I have never ever regretted not drinking'

My best to you
xx
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Old 06-28-2013, 10:14 AM
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I also run an online business and it got so stressful that my daily drinking started at 10:00 am. I work from home, have no employees, and only communicate with customers via email, so I could drink when I wanted.

The hardest part about quitting for me is working sober, but I'm managing. AA meetings help as does this forum.

Good luck to you - you can do it.
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Old 06-28-2013, 10:17 AM
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Hi UK123, and welcome!

I also used to "work from home" two days a week where I would essentially drink from about noon until whenever I passed out. How much actual work I got done was negligible but it was a fantastic excuse to start drinking during the day and every weekday rather than waiting until 6 or 7PM. Like you describe, I would be somewhat productive for a few hours and then crash. Those hours got shorter and shorter for me.

I quit drinking completely a little while back because I couldn't manage my life anymore (nevermind my job) but I also started forcing myself to go into the office each and every day. I could not (and it is still likely too risky) take the risk of being at home. I am way less likely to drink or be tempted while around others. Made a world of difference...

Is this a possibility for you?

Welcome again and please keep posting!
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Old 06-28-2013, 10:23 AM
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Welcome to SR! I also work online from home. So I can relate to what you might be going through.

There are many recovery options, AA, SMART, WFS, RR, etc. And tons of books out there! Also, things like meditation, yoga, vitamins to consider to aid in sobriety.

Glad you found SR You'll find tons of support here. Always lots to read.
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Old 06-28-2013, 10:43 AM
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Lifestyle makeover makeover time IHMO. Start with one change, get some traction and build from that. Lots of great tools and people here for ideas and support.
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Old 06-28-2013, 11:09 AM
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Hi UK, welcome to SR! You've come to a great place! You'll find lots of support, wisdom and encouragement here!

I also work from home, and I'm in my mid forties. I quit alcohol just 5 months ago. I made a promise to myself earlier this year that the next half of my life (just had my 46th birthday) is going to be at my optimum health with no vices. I actually quit on my own without AA, however I hear it's fantastic. What has helped a great deal for me, has been a really simple habit of stocking up on a few favorite things like sparking water and iced-tea in my refrigerator. So all day long, I'm sipping on something healthy and refreshing, and that's become my new and healthy vice. That's my 2 cents! There is a lot of great ideas on SR.

You've come to a great place and we're supporting you!
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Old 06-28-2013, 11:19 AM
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I also work out of my house and travel sometimes every week a few days or don't travel at all. It made things easier with my 'drinking' as I could easily hide it and hide myself away from the rest of the world. I could start drinking at 1pm and no one would be the wiser. I got away with it but now, I hold myself accountable and just don't go there. It hasn't been easy - its been hard. But I'm 13 days in. If I can do it, you can too!

I'm 41 so this lifestyle has been there since I was 30 - working out of my home. But now I'm trying to fill the days with other things.. cooking, cleaning, reading a book, trying to stop old habits by going to the gym, walking in the park, getting out of the house more. Maybe its about changing habits in the beginning? But its working for me.

Good luck with it and let us know how you are doing!
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Old 06-28-2013, 02:15 PM
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Assuming you're in the UK UK () there is a lot of free help available for addictions. If you do a google search of alcohol/addiction agencies in your area you should get an idea of what's around. Most of these places you can self refer to and use them sort of like an outpatient treatment alternative to rehab. They usually have doctors on staff and run group meetings as well as one on one support.

It is also worthwhile checking out all the different recovery methods too, AA, AVRT, SMART... and reading other people's stories. Try and find something which resonates with you. There are a few different approaches to recovery with key differences so it helps to find what will suit you. Some people quit drinking and don't seem to struggle and others of us need more support and help with the psychological part of the addiction. I was the latter sort. I am 31 and learning how to live like a 'normal' person but it takes time and effort and determination. I have been to AA meetings and SMART meetings and read a ton of books on alcoholism. I have found the support I have got here to be vital in my ability to stop drinking and stay stopped. I hope you find it useful too
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Old 06-28-2013, 02:37 PM
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Some great advice here UK123 - I can't add much to it except to say welcome

Pick a day (preferably today) - commit to not drinking that day - find the support you need to keep you sober...and don't be afraid to make the changes in your life you need to to stay sober either.

You can do this

D
D
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Old 06-28-2013, 03:02 PM
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This is true to point. Too much time on your hands , being your own boss ....unless you develope good habits and structure, the bad habit can get you. When I had a job with a lot of hours it was easy to only drink 2x a month. When I became my own boss it's easy to get loaded 1x a week . But, I'm no longer a young man and that feels like too much for me.
That's why I'm here.
Great thread
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Old 06-28-2013, 04:11 PM
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I want to say hi too UK123. I think it'll really help you to be here. We can all relate to how you're feeling.

I wish I'd stopped at 40 - I continued on over 10 more years. I was almost destroyed by it. This won't happen to you.
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