lostmama83

I'm new here. I'm 30 years old and I'm addicted to hydro. I also take any pain killer I can get a hold of, but hydro is my favorite! It started last spring when I was given my first roxy. I only took 1/4 because it was a 30, but I fell in love. After that I was always wanting more. I begged friends and family. A few times I stole pills from family. I didn't realize I had a problem until a month ago. I didn't have any for four days and I got really sick. I didn't know what was happening to me. Then I got my script from my doc and everything was alright again. After a few more weeks I ran out again and felt sick again. I called my friend and she helped me realize I was going through w/ds. I was shocked. Then I sat down and started to think about when was the last time I was pill free, and I couldn't remember. I know that it has been daily since February and no more than 4 days since 2013. I don't know how that happened! I hate myself for it.

lostmama83

[QUOTE="lostmama83;4040339"]I'm new here. I'm 30 years old and I'm addicted to hydro. I also take any pain killer I can get a hold of, but hydro is my favorite! It started last spring when I was given my first roxy. I only took 1/4 because it was a 30, but I fell in love. After that I was always wanting more. I begged friends and family. A few times I stole pills from family. I didn't realize I had a problem until a month ago. I didn't have any for four days and I got really sick. I didn't know what was happening to me. Then I got my script from my doc and everything was alright again. After a few more weeks I ran out again and felt sick again. I called my friend and she helped me realize I was going through w/ds. I was shocked. Then I sat down and started to think about when was the last time I was pill free, and I couldn't remember. I know that it has been daily since February and no more than 4 days since 2013. I don't know how that happened! I hate myself for it.
I have never really been drug free. When I was 15 my dad gave me ambien and I loved it!! I also smoked a lot of pot. By 17 I didn't do anything. Then by 19 I started smoking pot again and was introduced to meth. I really really really loved meth. I was addicted! Only did it on the weekends, but it still had a hold of me. I did that until I was 22. May13th 2005 was the last time I ever touched meth. I got married in July and found out I was pregnant in August. Drugs never crossed my mind. When my son was a year old I stared having headaches, so a family friend would give me oxy to help. I had so much fun on them I would keep on asking her for more. I still didn't do it often. 4 years later I have my second son and was given ty3s for pain. Which I liked but still had my fun and no problem being off. Then my first roxy came and getting high was all I could think about. Where am I going to get them? I begged both of my parents to go to the doc and get scripts, and they gave in.
I really don't know where I'm going with all this but I just want to talk. 7 days now, so all the sickness is gone. But my depression is awful. Still having panic attacks. I don't feel like I deserve my family. When will this all end??
Sorry I just needed to share with people who understand.

1Dayatatyme

Hello Lostmama,
Good choice for a user name... I considered myself lost to my pain pill addiction for over two years, before coming to SR, going through C/T withdrawal and now having over 100 days clean. I used oxys and hydros, and liked my oxys best.
You are in the right place to gather support and encouragement. I struggled with the mood issue as well, and I still have a bad day here and there, mostly if my sleep isn't right.
Just about everyone on SR swears by exercise to alleviate depression and to get our endorphins working properly again.
Stick around and keep posting... it will get better, at least that has been mine and quite a few other pill poppers here on this site experiences.

Dee74

Hi LostMama

I don;t know much about hydro but I know that early recovery can be rough, no matter what the drug of choice.

Give it a little time - a week is great - but it's probbaly not that long against the years you drugged?

If you feel concerned of course it's always best to see a Dr, but I think it can take several weeks to start to feel really good again.

D

lostmama83

I have been on 5/500 of the hydro, taking around eight maybe more a day. I don't remember the oxy but I would take about four or five when I had them. When I could get roxys it was 1 30mg pill a day. The last six months have really been a blur. I'm a stay at home mom and team mom for my son's baseball team. Room mother for his class and high at every event I had to throw, because I had to be super mom and the pills did that for me. I have come clean to all family and friends that I think should know, that was a huge step. Feeling but today, but the depression usually hits in the afternoon. Thank you for taking the time to reply to me.

joygirl

Hello, lostmama!
Welcome to SR! You've come to a great place for support!
I can relate to what you're going through. Super mom on the go, go, go! You are so smart to see the problem now and quit. I almost waited too late.
I will suggest that you google PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome). That will explain a lot about what you're going through now, the mental and emotional symptoms. I researched that and it helped me understand what I was experiencing and why.
It sounds like you have a support system there. My husband is my best friend and has been helping me tremendously with everything. But he can't relate to this on a personal level, which is why this site has been so helpful to me.
You can do this! It's so worth it! I hope you stick around!

least

to a very supportive site.

lostmama83

At eight days now. I had to attend my best friends baby shower, which is around people that are out of my comfort zone. Today was the first day I wanted to use. All I could think is how much better it would be if I was high. I'm home now and much better. I really need to learn how to be social without being high.

thekl0wn

Congrats on the 8 days!

lostmama83

Thank you!

joygirl

Being social again takes time. Keep doing it, when you can, and it will slowly become comfortable, and then enjoyable. Time is necessary for the healing, both physical and mental. It will get better!

lostmama83

I found some of my dads pills today. I took one out, put it back in, took it out, back in, back out.... Put it in my mouth. Took it out and gave it to my mother. I hate myself for almost taking it, but also so proud I didn't swallow.

SNST

Good for you Lostmama!