Pregnant and addicted
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 12
Pregnant and addicted
I am new to this and think I need help. I never thought I had a problem with alcohol before. I knew I drank a lot but did not see it as a problem. My husband and I would drink until we were drunk every weekend. But we saw it as something "fun" and a "choice" that we made.
However, I am now pregnant and realise just how difficult it is for me to stop drinking. My husband has supported me and stopped drinking too.
Ashamedly, I have been drinking in secret. I end up doing this once a week. Everytime I tell myself this is the last time. That drinking just this once can't hurt the baby. I am very good at convincing myself. I seem to have fallen into a pit of drinking a small bottle of vodka every Sunday evening. I feel wracked with guilt and cry myself to sleep about it almost every night. Yet I cannot seem to stop. Every Monday I wake up I tell myself that I will never do that again. I read up about how alcohol affects the baby all week and tell myself that this is never happening again and that I will stop for good. But then another Sunday will come and I will somehow convince myself that it will be ok. I feel powerless to my need for it.
I manage to hide this from my husband. We allow ourselves a glass of wine with our Sunday dinner so if I appear a little drunk then I will use the glass of wine as an excuse to my odd behaviour. It is easy to hide my drinking it from him. I will be in the kitchen cooking the Sunday dinner and I will drink the vodka then.
I am scared that I can't stop. I am already 25 weeks pregnant and this has been going on since I was about 10 weeks. I think since then I have managed one Sunday not drinking and it was so hard I thought I was going crazy. I ended up crying, feeling frustrated and not being able to concentrate doing anything at all. Nothing could take my mind off it.
I don't know why it is just on a Sunday that I feel this way. I seem to be ok every other day. I do not crave drink all week. Yes, I miss it and wish I could relax with a bottle of wine but I don't allow myself to do so. Yet come Sunday I am a slave to my "thirst".
Help me. I need help for my baby, before it is too late. If it is not too late already that is.
Desperate.
However, I am now pregnant and realise just how difficult it is for me to stop drinking. My husband has supported me and stopped drinking too.
Ashamedly, I have been drinking in secret. I end up doing this once a week. Everytime I tell myself this is the last time. That drinking just this once can't hurt the baby. I am very good at convincing myself. I seem to have fallen into a pit of drinking a small bottle of vodka every Sunday evening. I feel wracked with guilt and cry myself to sleep about it almost every night. Yet I cannot seem to stop. Every Monday I wake up I tell myself that I will never do that again. I read up about how alcohol affects the baby all week and tell myself that this is never happening again and that I will stop for good. But then another Sunday will come and I will somehow convince myself that it will be ok. I feel powerless to my need for it.
I manage to hide this from my husband. We allow ourselves a glass of wine with our Sunday dinner so if I appear a little drunk then I will use the glass of wine as an excuse to my odd behaviour. It is easy to hide my drinking it from him. I will be in the kitchen cooking the Sunday dinner and I will drink the vodka then.
I am scared that I can't stop. I am already 25 weeks pregnant and this has been going on since I was about 10 weeks. I think since then I have managed one Sunday not drinking and it was so hard I thought I was going crazy. I ended up crying, feeling frustrated and not being able to concentrate doing anything at all. Nothing could take my mind off it.
I don't know why it is just on a Sunday that I feel this way. I seem to be ok every other day. I do not crave drink all week. Yes, I miss it and wish I could relax with a bottle of wine but I don't allow myself to do so. Yet come Sunday I am a slave to my "thirst".
Help me. I need help for my baby, before it is too late. If it is not too late already that is.
Desperate.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Scotland UK
Posts: 122
You have made the first steps. You have admitted your problem and you have reached out for help. Well done. You have certainly come to the right place, you will receive endless support here.
So today is Thursday, you have a couple of days to start cleaning up your thinking. That starts with stopping being down on yourself, stop beating yourself up. This will only fuel your cravings. Stay close to this site, read others' stories and experiences, continue to make posts on how you're feeling. Can you come clean to your husband or get some other outside support also? I know how hard this is for you, I battled with alcoholism throughout my pregnancies too. Nobody knew. I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone and it felt terrible. I would trawl the Internet researching safe limits etc. Fortunately all my babies were born healthy and perfect, but looking back I wish I'd have found this site back then. My youngest is 16 months now, I found this site recently and with support from other SR members I am now on Day 7 of my sobriety. I'm feeling wonderful, physically and mentally. My feelings of guilt and shame are still there but they are not my main focus, my focus is now on my recovery. You can do this, I have no doubt. As I say, I'm a newbie here, I'm sure you will receive plenty of sound advice from more experienced members here. I just want you to know that you are not alone and that I understand exactly how you feel. And I want you to know that you can get better. 1000000% Take care and good luck on your journey x
So today is Thursday, you have a couple of days to start cleaning up your thinking. That starts with stopping being down on yourself, stop beating yourself up. This will only fuel your cravings. Stay close to this site, read others' stories and experiences, continue to make posts on how you're feeling. Can you come clean to your husband or get some other outside support also? I know how hard this is for you, I battled with alcoholism throughout my pregnancies too. Nobody knew. I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone and it felt terrible. I would trawl the Internet researching safe limits etc. Fortunately all my babies were born healthy and perfect, but looking back I wish I'd have found this site back then. My youngest is 16 months now, I found this site recently and with support from other SR members I am now on Day 7 of my sobriety. I'm feeling wonderful, physically and mentally. My feelings of guilt and shame are still there but they are not my main focus, my focus is now on my recovery. You can do this, I have no doubt. As I say, I'm a newbie here, I'm sure you will receive plenty of sound advice from more experienced members here. I just want you to know that you are not alone and that I understand exactly how you feel. And I want you to know that you can get better. 1000000% Take care and good luck on your journey x
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Welcome to SR! Can you see your doctor for help in quitting? I hope you can stop drinking soon. Your baby depends on you to stop so you don't endanger it's health.
Have you thought about going to AA for support? Might help.
I'm sending up prayers that you can stop drinking soon.
Have you thought about going to AA for support? Might help.
I'm sending up prayers that you can stop drinking soon.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi and Welcome ProspectGirl 
I second what least said - have you seen your Dr? thought about recovery groups like AA or some other group for support? or counselling? have you thought about speaking to your husband even?
I'm not here to judge you or make you feel bad - but as a mum to be you're totally responsible for the life inside you - why not use that as the impetus PG ...use that to do whatever it takes to change your life?
There's a ton of support here - read around and post as much as you like.
You can do this
D
I second what least said - have you seen your Dr? thought about recovery groups like AA or some other group for support? or counselling? have you thought about speaking to your husband even?
I'm not here to judge you or make you feel bad - but as a mum to be you're totally responsible for the life inside you - why not use that as the impetus PG ...use that to do whatever it takes to change your life?
There's a ton of support here - read around and post as much as you like.
You can do this
D
Sober Today
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 779
Google fetal alcohol syndrom. Google search and also google images. Read about the problems associated with FASD. Put away your pride and reach out for help. Attend AA, see a therapist, find support groups, stay on this forum as much as possible and post - do whatever it takes.
I had an employee years ago whose baby had FAS and she was racked with guilt. I drank a little with my second also convincing myself that it wasn't enough to harm him and I sometimes wonder - the guilt eats me alive. This is something you will live with the rest of your life.
My heart goes out to you.
I had an employee years ago whose baby had FAS and she was racked with guilt. I drank a little with my second also convincing myself that it wasn't enough to harm him and I sometimes wonder - the guilt eats me alive. This is something you will live with the rest of your life.
My heart goes out to you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,335
Welcome,
You mention you feel "powerless" to your need for the vodka. I'm not in AA, but I know that is one of the hallmarks of their beliefs......admitting you're powerless over alcohol. I'm sure someone more knowledgeable than I about AA will be along.
In the mean time, could you talk about this with your husband and the two of you visit your doctor together?
You mention you feel "powerless" to your need for the vodka. I'm not in AA, but I know that is one of the hallmarks of their beliefs......admitting you're powerless over alcohol. I'm sure someone more knowledgeable than I about AA will be along.
In the mean time, could you talk about this with your husband and the two of you visit your doctor together?
Nothing is impossible!
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: EAGAN
Posts: 792
Originally Posted by ProspectGirl 
I am new to this and think I need help. I never thought I had a problem with alcohol before. I knew I drank a lot but did not see it as a problem. My husband and I would drink until we were drunk every weekend. But we saw it as something "fun" and a "choice" that we made.
However, I am now pregnant and realise just how difficult it is for me to stop drinking. My husband has supported me and stopped drinking too.
Ashamedly, I have been drinking in secret. I end up doing this once a week. Everytime I tell myself this is the last time. That drinking just this once can't hurt the baby. I am very good at convincing myself. I seem to have fallen into a pit of drinking a small bottle of vodka every Sunday evening. I feel wracked with guilt and cry myself to sleep about it almost every night. Yet I cannot seem to stop. Every Monday I wake up I tell myself that I will never do that again. I read up about how alcohol affects the baby all week and tell myself that this is never happening again and that I will stop for good. But then another Sunday will come and I will somehow convince myself that it will be ok. I feel powerless to my need for it.
I manage to hide this from my husband. We allow ourselves a glass of wine with our Sunday dinner so if I appear a little drunk then I will use the glass of wine as an excuse to my odd behaviour. It is easy to hide my drinking it from him. I will be in the kitchen cooking the Sunday dinner and I will drink the vodka then.
I am scared that I can't stop. I am already 25 weeks pregnant and this has been going on since I was about 10 weeks. I think since then I have managed one Sunday not drinking and it was so hard I thought I was going crazy. I ended up crying, feeling frustrated and not being able to concentrate doing anything at all. Nothing could take my mind off it.
I don't know why it is just on a Sunday that I feel this way. I seem to be ok every other day. I do not crave drink all week. Yes, I miss it and wish I could relax with a bottle of wine but I don't allow myself to do so. Yet come Sunday I am a slave to my "thirst".
Help me. I need help for my baby, before it is too late. If it is not too late already that is.
Desperate.
However, I am now pregnant and realise just how difficult it is for me to stop drinking. My husband has supported me and stopped drinking too.
Ashamedly, I have been drinking in secret. I end up doing this once a week. Everytime I tell myself this is the last time. That drinking just this once can't hurt the baby. I am very good at convincing myself. I seem to have fallen into a pit of drinking a small bottle of vodka every Sunday evening. I feel wracked with guilt and cry myself to sleep about it almost every night. Yet I cannot seem to stop. Every Monday I wake up I tell myself that I will never do that again. I read up about how alcohol affects the baby all week and tell myself that this is never happening again and that I will stop for good. But then another Sunday will come and I will somehow convince myself that it will be ok. I feel powerless to my need for it.
I manage to hide this from my husband. We allow ourselves a glass of wine with our Sunday dinner so if I appear a little drunk then I will use the glass of wine as an excuse to my odd behaviour. It is easy to hide my drinking it from him. I will be in the kitchen cooking the Sunday dinner and I will drink the vodka then.
I am scared that I can't stop. I am already 25 weeks pregnant and this has been going on since I was about 10 weeks. I think since then I have managed one Sunday not drinking and it was so hard I thought I was going crazy. I ended up crying, feeling frustrated and not being able to concentrate doing anything at all. Nothing could take my mind off it.
I don't know why it is just on a Sunday that I feel this way. I seem to be ok every other day. I do not crave drink all week. Yes, I miss it and wish I could relax with a bottle of wine but I don't allow myself to do so. Yet come Sunday I am a slave to my "thirst".
Help me. I need help for my baby, before it is too late. If it is not too late already that is.
Desperate.
Sober Today
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 779
The problem is that the AV lies. It really convinces people that they aren't drinking at levels high enough to do harm, or that FAS is something that only happens to other people, or that it's not that big of a deal. It's complete denial.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Southern Ontario
Posts: 109
As a husband and father of 3, I would feel betrayed and horrified that something like that was going on behind my back.
Please take whatever steps that are needed to stop! You'll never forgive yourself if the baby is born with fetal alcohol symdrome... and your Husband who has no idea you are doing this in secret won't either.
I'm not trying to be mean, just tell you how I would feel.
Please take whatever steps that are needed to stop! You'll never forgive yourself if the baby is born with fetal alcohol symdrome... and your Husband who has no idea you are doing this in secret won't either.
I'm not trying to be mean, just tell you how I would feel.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 224
This is not about you anymore. You decided to bring a life into the world. You have been drinking during 15 weeks of this child's life. You cannot quit by yourself and you have proven it. You have to seek treatment immediately. If you choose to drink after the birth, that is fine, it's your body, but right now you owe an obligation to that child. I will pray for both of you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: California
Posts: 228
Hi prospectgirl!!! Congrats on seeking support. That's the first step!
Please continue to post here, we are all supporting you. Let's come up with a plan to keep you sober for rest of your pregnancy.
You mention that you have been drinking Sundays. What happens on Sundays that is different from other days. Can you identify a trigger? Perhaps attend an AA meeting this sunday (or today!). They will not judge you, you will be applauded for making the right choice. Do it today!
Please continue to post here, we are all supporting you. Let's come up with a plan to keep you sober for rest of your pregnancy.
You mention that you have been drinking Sundays. What happens on Sundays that is different from other days. Can you identify a trigger? Perhaps attend an AA meeting this sunday (or today!). They will not judge you, you will be applauded for making the right choice. Do it today!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 94
Do whatever you need to do to stop. Now. This is very serious. You might have already done a lot of damage to your child. Hopefully not but you won't know until after he or she is born. Take this from me, as a mother of three, if your child ends up with fetal alcohol syndrome or some other problem you know you caused you will NEVER forgive yourself. Don't condemn yourself and an innocent child to a lifetime of pain and guilt. Please call your OB today and tell her everything and ask for help. Don't drink for the next 15 weeks no matter that. This isn't just about you any more. I apologize if I sound harsh but you need to think about the severity of this situation.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Not much else to be said that hasn't already prospect. You need to tell your husband and doctor about this immediately - not tomorrow, not this afternoon - but right at this very moment and find a way to stop. Admitting it here is a good first step but it's your responsibility to end this now by any possible means.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Scotland UK
Posts: 122
I think ProspectGirl does understand the severity here, hence she has reached out for help here. Please be gentle with her - I would hate for her to be scared away - I've been in her shoes and it's the most terrible feeling you could imagine. She has the same alcoholic tendencies we have all suffered - unfortunately for some, pregnancy isn't a magic cure. She will only get better now with complete support and nurture.
She knows it is wrong and potentially harmful and she is already wracked with guilt. Pointing fingers and shaking heads will only cause further damage. We're all here for you ProspectGirl, you can do this! Get positive, stay positive. If you quit now you'll have a lot less to worry about. You've managed to keep your drinking rather minimal - relatively speaking that's a positive. I'm totally with you girl, right behind you - go for it x
She knows it is wrong and potentially harmful and she is already wracked with guilt. Pointing fingers and shaking heads will only cause further damage. We're all here for you ProspectGirl, you can do this! Get positive, stay positive. If you quit now you'll have a lot less to worry about. You've managed to keep your drinking rather minimal - relatively speaking that's a positive. I'm totally with you girl, right behind you - go for it x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 12
Thank you butterfly33. Your words have really touched me.
And thank you everyone else for your honest opinions. I didn't come on here to get sympathy. I came on here to get the kick up the butt I so desperately need.
I know I am a monster, I know I need to change for the sake of my unborn child. I know that the moment I hold my child in my arms the guilt will literally kill me. I am finding it hard to "connect" with my pregnancy and wish so much that I could see/feel what I am doing. I am not making excuses for my behaviour but I am just trying to make you understand why my head is as messed up as it is right now.
Thank you for your support and I shall continue to come on here and seek it when times are hard. As I said, it only seems to happen to me on a Sunday so I will try and change our routine; maybe encourage my husband to take day trips out together.
And thank you everyone else for your honest opinions. I didn't come on here to get sympathy. I came on here to get the kick up the butt I so desperately need.
I know I am a monster, I know I need to change for the sake of my unborn child. I know that the moment I hold my child in my arms the guilt will literally kill me. I am finding it hard to "connect" with my pregnancy and wish so much that I could see/feel what I am doing. I am not making excuses for my behaviour but I am just trying to make you understand why my head is as messed up as it is right now.
Thank you for your support and I shall continue to come on here and seek it when times are hard. As I said, it only seems to happen to me on a Sunday so I will try and change our routine; maybe encourage my husband to take day trips out together.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 103
Completely agree with you butterfly, she reached out to us for support and for help and clearly she knows what she is doing is wrong and she made the first step. Stop judging people. Instead offer your support. It is a disease for us (women AND men) and pregnancy isn't a magic pill to make someone stop unfortunately. Addiction doesn't work that way.in this case, i would suggest rehab and doctor intervention but at the end of the day, that is her choice. All anyone can do is offer suggestions but remember, we have all been where she is right now. We are listening ProspectGirl, and we are here for you.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
You are not a monster PG, but the addiction is. You can make it stop. I would still recommend letting your physician know too. They may have some things that can help you and it's best he/she knows this going forward through the rest of your pregnancy.
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
One quick thing to add... you mention that you have a glass of wine on Sundays, and that it's also the only day you have cravings. have you tried cutting out the glass of wine? I know for me it really is the first drink that starts the addiction engine running.
Also... in this case... subbing with a ton of sugar might be a way to cheat through the cravings, if it's only that one night a week.
Hugs to you.
Also... in this case... subbing with a ton of sugar might be a way to cheat through the cravings, if it's only that one night a week.
Hugs to you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 103
Day trips are good and changing your Sunday routine is best. spicy stuff cuts cravings for me. Also anything with ginger in it. I make this wonderful apple celery and ginger juice. So wonderful! Cucumber juice works wonders for me too. I think it would be a good idea for you to attend AA and get a sponsor. I've never gone that route, but I think the extra support wouldn't be a bad idea for you. Hang in there, and just remember, keep it simple. Say, I won't drink today and worry about tomorrow when it comes. They tomorrow, say to yourself, I won't drink today... And so on.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Virginia
Posts: 179
OMG, this brings back memories. I went through the same thing and I am not proud of it. I would also drink once a week while cooking and feel "GUILTY" but, I couldn't help myself. My Daughter is now 5 1/2 and seems to be fine. "Thank GOD. She was born a little under weight and with a strawberry mark on her hip...after researching, it seems that comes from a mother who drank while being pregnant. Like fantail, I think having that glass of Wine starts it...I know I can't have just one. Pray...he will listen. Give the Lord your burden and he will take care of it.
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