GreenEggsAndHam

fantail makes a good point - I would not touch the wine, if for no other than it would make me want more. I would attend an AA meeting on Sundays.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I hope you decide to do the right thing for your child. If you make the choice to stop drinking now, you might be saving your child a lifetime of suffering with FAS. Please talk to your husband about this because he is a parent too and he should know the truth about what is happening. Don't take time to blame yourself, just do the right thing for your child. We're here to support you.

One suggestion I have is to remove the Sunday wine from your lifestyle. Even small amounts of alcohol can cause FAS, and if you remove the wine, you will remove your excuse for acting a bit drunk.

Crossfitdad

Just to be clear, I wasn't judging and there was no ill will in my post. I was saying that this is a very serious matter - much more serious than those of us who are fighting an addiction and need support (we may falter and we can get back up, but these next few months are critical for that child). This is the life and health of another human being. The point of my post is that the issue is not up for debate or experimenting with quitting; if she is helpless with absolutely quitting, she needs to immediately contact her doctor.

Iwanttobebetter

I completely agree. I'm not judging. I'm saying it is absolutely imperative that she stops right now. A child's future can very well be severely affected by her decision to take one more drink. Drinking that much during the formative first and second trimesters can have dire consequences. I'm not backing down from what I said before.

Snowie71

PG, my youngest is 19 months. I stopped completely while pregnant with my first child but with my youngest I had a few "binges" at several points in the pregnancy. About 3 cans of beer - far less than I used to drink un-pregnant but still in the "danger" zone for FAS because all alcohol is dangerous.

The rest of the time I subjected myself to extreme stress from the guilt of it all. I'd second the suggestions to simply cut it out. Not even one drink. Count down to the day after - or even the day OF- your baby's due date and plan to get absolutely plastered (though you probably won't!) The problem with FAS is that doctors simply don't know if there is any safe amount. And they don't know when the most damage can be caused. Facial problems and brain problems for a developing baby are more of a risk in the first trimester because that is the relevant developmental stage. By the third trimester, the baby is growing. But quite simply because studies depend on finding women willing to admit their intake, there is not enough information.

A former colleague of mine poo-poo-ed the idea of not drinking and had a glass of wine every day - EVERY DAY- through all three of her pregnancies. All of her babies were born small and she seemed quite convinced that this was because she was petite herself!

There was an extremely poignant thread on here last week, called "memories of the liquor store cashier". Reading it may help firm up your resolve to quit the vodka entirely.

Take care.
Snowie.

BabyJane

I am also pregnant. 31 weeks so just a few weeks ahead of you... I got sober right before I got pregnant and that was just a stroke of pure luck. I wasn't trying for a baby, I was on BC and very underweight. I turned 30 and decided enough is enough. I was an opiate (heroin) and pill user. I loved my heroin habit at one time. Should I even say that? I'm being honest. It was what I lived for because I didn't know how to live any other way. I suffer from depression and anxiety as well as some moderate pain issues due to being malnourished as a teen. The drugs seemed to take it all away sometimes. Still, they were ruining my life at the same time.

Anyway, once I finally quit, I was shocked to find out I was expecting a baby. When I found out I was 8 weeks pregnant and about 8 weeks sober. It was crazy. The main thing I remember feeling is fear and relief that I didn't have to detox while pregnant. That said, I could have just as easily been in your shoes as far as dealing with active addiction during pregnancy. It was a fluke that I stopped in time, like I said.

I'm really sad for you and also for your poor little one. I'm not here to chastise you or judge you because others already have and I'm sure you KNOW this is a really bad situation and you MUST stop IMMEDIATELY. If the temptation is too great you might seriously consider rehab. It's scary but it would be the best way to keep your baby safe and help you cope with this. If not rehab, you need to talk to someone who can advise you, maybe a doctor or therapist. Telling your husband is kind of hard, I'm sure, but how can anyone help if they don't know?

I'm around most days if you need support. I know pregnancy is tough but we have to do this ESPECIALLY right now for our children. I have mentioned before on this forum that I take antidepressants. A few people have chosen to judge me for this choice and I don't care, my doctor and psychiatrist are in the loop. I'm doing what I feel is best to stay sober and cope with the depression. You can find ways to do this. There are better alternatives. AA might be worth a shot too!

Good luck. Praying for you and the family.

Anna

Please post to the OP, not ABOUT her.

Thanks!

Sonrisa12

Tough love both ways then, as everyone is entitled to their opinion. I'm sure we are trying to help in our own way. I'd prefer to try to stay positive, but that's me.

Dollyangel17

I never heard that Michelle...Wow. My daughter had a small strawberry mark on the top of her bum cheek. I quit drinking as soon as I found out I was pregnant though, and I found out as early as possible (started taking home tests right after the first unprotected sex with hubby). I did drink wine. I did cut down while we were "trying", and completely quit once I knew for sure, but she still had it.

Doctor pointed the mark out to me, but didn't seem phased by it at all...hmm. Something to think about.

GreenEggsAndHam

ProspectGirl - I check this forum every day several times a day, including Sundays. You can feel free to private message me on Sunday or any time if you need support. I know it is not easy.

Babs78756

Prospect Girl -

I was just here in this situation. I wholly empathize with what you are going through. My heart hurts for what you are going through, my heart still hurts for what I was going through. I know the hurt, pain, guilt, sadness you feel. I do.

I cannot tell you what to do, I can only tell you what helped me. I told my husband and my doctor. It was terrible. I then found a therapist I could REALLY talk to. I went to a meeting online and in -person. I was drowning in pre-pardum depression and I needed an outlet, I needed help, I wanted out, I wanted to scream and cry and be alone and not be alone. I couldn't breathe and so I drank, alone. It was terrible. The first step is freeing yourself from the secret. Unburden yourself of dealing with this alone. Asking for help is the strongest thing you can do.

If you'd like to DM me, I can answer any questions you might have about my strategy or just be support for you. You are not alone. You can can do this. You. Can.

Mizzuno

Hello. It is very courageous for you to come here and tell us of your struggle. You have come to the right place for support. I think that telling your doctor and your husband is the best option. They can be the face to face support that you need. AA and other forms of recovery are available to you. Please keep posting and let us know how you are.

seashell2005

ProspectGirl I've been sitting here for 20 minutes trying to write to you..

Please google personal stories of moms with FAS children and FAS children.

Fetal alcohol syndrome: Symptoms - as per MayoClinic quote:

Distinctive facial features, including small eyes, an exceptionally thin upper lip, a short, upturned nose, and a smooth skin surface between the nose and upper lip
Deformities of joints, limbs and fingers
Slow physical growth before and after birth
Vision difficulties or hearing problems
Small head circumference and brain size (microcephaly)
Poor coordination
Mental retardation and delayed development
Learning disorders
Abnormal behavior, such as a short attention span, hyperactivity, poor impulse control, extreme nervousness and anxiety
Heart defects

Please keep checking in and let us know how you are doing! I wish you lots of strength during this difficult period!! xxx

luckyinlife

Alcoholism is a disease that thrives on secrecy. You need to tell your husband NOW. He probably will want to get on board as far as ending that Sunday wine routine which you are using to hide your vodka usage.

I sympathise with you. I really do. But this is not a situation where hugs will help. Medical intervention is what is needed. Inpatient or outpatient rehab and if that's not possible AA or some other group support.

Here's an idea for Sunday if you and your husband are not able to come up with a new routine. How about hanging out in the chatroom? I am new here too....my triggertime is 10:00 - 12:00 Midnight, so I've been hanging out here instead.

You can do this. With help.

butterfly33

Thinking of you today ProspectGirl... Just shout me if you need some cheerleading! Big hugs x

ProspectGirl

Thank you butterfly33. It is 2:15pm here in the UK and so far I have managed to convince myself not to buy any alcohol. I even managed to go to the shops this morning and completely ignore the alcohol aisle. I have bought a load of chocolate and sweet stuff though. I know that this is not necessarily good for the baby but surely it's better than a bottle of vodka, and if it helps keep my mind off it then I should be ok. I still have a long way to go today. But the fact that I haven't convinced myself to buy any yet is a good sign already
Another thing that is helping me is this forum. I want to be able to come on here tomorrow and say I did it; I managed to stay sober this week

WhiteFeathers

That's a great update!

butterfly33

Proud of you. Do something nice for yourself. Paint your toenails (if you can still reach them)! In the past 10 days I've given myself so many treats you'd think I'd done something amazing... Oh, actually I did - I quit drinking!
Thinking of you... Xx

Debe5

My heart breaks for you. Being a mother is the hardest yet most gratifying thing you will ever do. As mothers we will sacrifice so much for our children because our love is so great, they fill our hearts with joy and overwhelm us with worry. if you were a bad mother you wouldnt give a second thought to drinking, but you are not, you want to do what is right. You just may need some help doing it. A rehab facility would certainly be a safe environment. Please talk to your physician asap so they can better assess you and your child. Don't let alcohol still the joy of such an amazing time in your life.

ProspectGirl

I finally understand what people mean when they say "take it one day at a time". If I only think about getting to the end of today then I think I can do it. However, it is when I think about the next 15 weeks I feel rather "wobbly" (if that makes sense). I just can't think that far ahead and promise I won't fall before then. But if I can do today then I think I will have that much more confidence in myself that I can do it again next week.

It's 3:30pm now and usually by this time on a Sunday I have purchased the vodka. I am not spending this time thinking up excuses to go and get it either. I am just focusing on the not drinking part. I think it is working. I am so glad that I found this forum. It really does help, I know it's not the same as telling my husband but at least it is better than trying to keep it solely to myself.