One month sober and losing hope....
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Adelaide, South Australia
Posts: 14
My thoughts also... Reading Carolines Knapp's book reminded me of where I had been, and where I was heading..
The brain takes a long time to recover. Try to keep eating lots of fruits, natures medicine.
I hope I can hang in there tool. My mother has just been diagnosed with cardiomyopathy (but won't tell the doctors her true alcohol intake for the last 20 single Mum years.....) so, have a look at what long term damage can be done to your body and have a look at alcoholic cardiomyopathy to "scare" yourself of the dangers of alcohol. Which is a POISON to the body.
Good Luck, I hope I can hang in there too.
The brain takes a long time to recover. Try to keep eating lots of fruits, natures medicine.
I hope I can hang in there tool. My mother has just been diagnosed with cardiomyopathy (but won't tell the doctors her true alcohol intake for the last 20 single Mum years.....) so, have a look at what long term damage can be done to your body and have a look at alcoholic cardiomyopathy to "scare" yourself of the dangers of alcohol. Which is a POISON to the body.
Good Luck, I hope I can hang in there too.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
2310: If you liked Caroline Knapp's first book you may like her second: "Pack of Two", about how, after she entered recovery she became dependent on her dog. Alcoholics are often dependent people. You seem to be dependent on your social life. Sobriety, you say, makes you feel lonely. Perhaps you too would like to have a dog if you don't already have one. And surely you can find other folks who are also trying to give up drinking. If you're truly an alcoholic it is highly doubtful that you can have "just one". I tried doing this for 40 years. It never worked. And as the years go on the road goes all downhill. It's a very hard road and gets worse and worse. Good luck and every good wish to you.
W.
W.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NE Wisconsin USA
Posts: 6,223
2310
While drinking and using I was isolated and lonely. Mainly because of the paranoia that sets in with chronic using, and I either pushed people away or people ran away. People told me to stay away.
Isolation is common.
I think it's important in recovery that we feel we belong and are once again part of society.
You will find support and fellowship here at SR.
Working with alcoholics in this part of the country I often hear, "everyone drinks and know everyone's business." And it's true, people need to drive some good distances to get to meetings.
Yet, there are also many people who do not drink, have boundaries, and are willing to meet to discuss sobriety.
Best to you. Peace.
While drinking and using I was isolated and lonely. Mainly because of the paranoia that sets in with chronic using, and I either pushed people away or people ran away. People told me to stay away.
Isolation is common.
I think it's important in recovery that we feel we belong and are once again part of society.
You will find support and fellowship here at SR.
Working with alcoholics in this part of the country I often hear, "everyone drinks and know everyone's business." And it's true, people need to drive some good distances to get to meetings.
Yet, there are also many people who do not drink, have boundaries, and are willing to meet to discuss sobriety.
Best to you. Peace.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
First, congrats on 30 days! It is quite an accomplishment. Your description of your last drunk made my stomach twist ---reminded me of the awful feeling I never want to have again. When I had 30 days I remember feeling like you do now. Lost, in mourning for my friend alcohol which was really my enemy. I didn't quit because I was having too much fun. It used to bring me enjoyment but then it didn't. And I knew I wouldn't ever have a husband or family or self worth if I continued. I stay sober with AA. The friends I have made are wonderful. We do lots of fun sober things...so much so that I barely have free time lol Staying sober is at times a rollercoaster and definitely an adjustment. But I don't regret stopping and the thoughts/cravings to drink get fewer and farther between as time passes.
Nothing is impossible!
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: EAGAN
Posts: 792
Originally Posted by 2310 
I am exactly one month sober today. I did not realize that until I actually jut registered. I quit drinking after a crazy drunken blacked out night where I woke up the next morning emotional and still drunk. I went through the typical anxiety stemming from my lack of memory. In that moment, I vowed to stop drinking.
I have always abused alcohol since I started drinking. It is the only way that I know how to sit still or relax. I am 30 years old, recently married and do not have any children yet. I am a high school teacher with a masters degree. I don't get drunk on school nights, but come Friday, it is a free for all. Every bad thing that has ever happened to me has happened while drinking.
Where I live, drinking is what we do... with everything. Everyone I know drinks. Many drink as much or more then myself. We all work, we are all young, recently married or engaged and don't have kids yet. We go camping, and drink, go to the bars and drink, go out on the lake and drink, have bonfires, and drink.... the list continues. I have hobbies- I go four wheeling a lot and ride my motorcycle all summer, neither of which I do drunk, but come 5:00, it's like an alarm goes off in my head and it is telling me, "time for a drink!".
I am currently on summer vacation. My husband works 14 hour days during the summer, and everyone else is working also. I am going stir crazy. I am lonely, and the only thing I can think about is having a drink. The first 3 weeks of sobriety were pretty easy for me, but now, I feel miserable. I have not seen any of my friends as many are working, and when they get done with work they go out for drinks together. I have been trying to stay busy, but I feel so unhappy. I have been working out for 2 hours a day just to pass time, riding my Harley, weeding the garden, cleaning the house, coming up with little projects, but I can not stay busy enough to keep my mind off drinking. All I keep thinking about is that I don't have any children yet and I should be spending my last summer of freedom having a blast and doing whatever I want. I am within inches of having a drink. I feel miserable. I thought not drinking would make me feel better, but that immediate high has worn off and now I am alone, all day, everyday, and miserable. I keep telling myself that I can moderate my drinking.... part of me honestly believes that while the other part of me says that's b.s.... I have always identified as an optimistic person, rarely unhappy or down.... I am currently miserable and can't seem to come out of it....
Thanks for listening
I have always abused alcohol since I started drinking. It is the only way that I know how to sit still or relax. I am 30 years old, recently married and do not have any children yet. I am a high school teacher with a masters degree. I don't get drunk on school nights, but come Friday, it is a free for all. Every bad thing that has ever happened to me has happened while drinking.
Where I live, drinking is what we do... with everything. Everyone I know drinks. Many drink as much or more then myself. We all work, we are all young, recently married or engaged and don't have kids yet. We go camping, and drink, go to the bars and drink, go out on the lake and drink, have bonfires, and drink.... the list continues. I have hobbies- I go four wheeling a lot and ride my motorcycle all summer, neither of which I do drunk, but come 5:00, it's like an alarm goes off in my head and it is telling me, "time for a drink!".
I am currently on summer vacation. My husband works 14 hour days during the summer, and everyone else is working also. I am going stir crazy. I am lonely, and the only thing I can think about is having a drink. The first 3 weeks of sobriety were pretty easy for me, but now, I feel miserable. I have not seen any of my friends as many are working, and when they get done with work they go out for drinks together. I have been trying to stay busy, but I feel so unhappy. I have been working out for 2 hours a day just to pass time, riding my Harley, weeding the garden, cleaning the house, coming up with little projects, but I can not stay busy enough to keep my mind off drinking. All I keep thinking about is that I don't have any children yet and I should be spending my last summer of freedom having a blast and doing whatever I want. I am within inches of having a drink. I feel miserable. I thought not drinking would make me feel better, but that immediate high has worn off and now I am alone, all day, everyday, and miserable. I keep telling myself that I can moderate my drinking.... part of me honestly believes that while the other part of me says that's b.s.... I have always identified as an optimistic person, rarely unhappy or down.... I am currently miserable and can't seem to come out of it....
Thanks for listening
Nothing is impossible!
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: EAGAN
Posts: 792
Originally Posted by 2310
I am exactly one month sober today. I did not realize that until I actually jut registered. I quit drinking after a crazy drunken blacked out night where I woke up the next morning emotional and still drunk. I went through the typical anxiety stemming from my lack of memory. In that moment, I vowed to stop drinking.
I have always abused alcohol since I started drinking. It is the only way that I know how to sit still or relax. I am 30 years old, recently married and do not have any children yet. I am a high school teacher with a masters degree. I don't get drunk on school nights, but come Friday, it is a free for all. Every bad thing that has ever happened to me has happened while drinking.
Where I live, drinking is what we do... with everything. Everyone I know drinks. Many drink as much or more then myself. We all work, we are all young, recently married or engaged and don't have kids yet. We go camping, and drink, go to the bars and drink, go out on the lake and drink, have bonfires, and drink.... the list continues. I have hobbies- I go four wheeling a lot and ride my motorcycle all summer, neither of which I do drunk, but come 5:00, it's like an alarm goes off in my head and it is telling me, "time for a drink!".
I am currently on summer vacation. My husband works 14 hour days during the summer, and everyone else is working also. I am going stir crazy. I am lonely, and the only thing I can think about is having a drink. The first 3 weeks of sobriety were pretty easy for me, but now, I feel miserable. I have not seen any of my friends as many are working, and when they get done with work they go out for drinks together. I have been trying to stay busy, but I feel so unhappy. I have been working out for 2 hours a day just to pass time, riding my Harley, weeding the garden, cleaning the house, coming up with little projects, but I can not stay busy enough to keep my mind off drinking. All I keep thinking about is that I don't have any children yet and I should be spending my last summer of freedom having a blast and doing whatever I want. I am within inches of having a drink. I feel miserable. I thought not drinking would make me feel better, but that immediate high has worn off and now I am alone, all day, everyday, and miserable. I keep telling myself that I can moderate my drinking.... part of me honestly believes that while the other part of me says that's b.s.... I have always identified as an optimistic person, rarely unhappy or down.... I am currently miserable and can't seem to come out of it....
Thanks for listening
I have always abused alcohol since I started drinking. It is the only way that I know how to sit still or relax. I am 30 years old, recently married and do not have any children yet. I am a high school teacher with a masters degree. I don't get drunk on school nights, but come Friday, it is a free for all. Every bad thing that has ever happened to me has happened while drinking.
Where I live, drinking is what we do... with everything. Everyone I know drinks. Many drink as much or more then myself. We all work, we are all young, recently married or engaged and don't have kids yet. We go camping, and drink, go to the bars and drink, go out on the lake and drink, have bonfires, and drink.... the list continues. I have hobbies- I go four wheeling a lot and ride my motorcycle all summer, neither of which I do drunk, but come 5:00, it's like an alarm goes off in my head and it is telling me, "time for a drink!".
I am currently on summer vacation. My husband works 14 hour days during the summer, and everyone else is working also. I am going stir crazy. I am lonely, and the only thing I can think about is having a drink. The first 3 weeks of sobriety were pretty easy for me, but now, I feel miserable. I have not seen any of my friends as many are working, and when they get done with work they go out for drinks together. I have been trying to stay busy, but I feel so unhappy. I have been working out for 2 hours a day just to pass time, riding my Harley, weeding the garden, cleaning the house, coming up with little projects, but I can not stay busy enough to keep my mind off drinking. All I keep thinking about is that I don't have any children yet and I should be spending my last summer of freedom having a blast and doing whatever I want. I am within inches of having a drink. I feel miserable. I thought not drinking would make me feel better, but that immediate high has worn off and now I am alone, all day, everyday, and miserable. I keep telling myself that I can moderate my drinking.... part of me honestly believes that while the other part of me says that's b.s.... I have always identified as an optimistic person, rarely unhappy or down.... I am currently miserable and can't seem to come out of it....
Thanks for listening
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi 2310 - welcome 
I look back at my drinking career and I wish I'd made a choice - I knew my drinking was self destructive but I didn't want to be different, I didn't want to miss out on anything, so I kept drinking and my problem got worse and worse
You're very wise to look at this now - I think accepting that you have a problem is about the best thing you could be working on right now
If your life's not all you want it to be right now - whats stopping you from making some changes?
is there something you've always wanted to do, or to try or something you want to get back into?
I think the bottom line is if we want changes in our life we need to make changes - that may mean not hanging with the same crowd for a while, or finding different things to do - but I think it's worth it
there is a lot of support here
D
I look back at my drinking career and I wish I'd made a choice - I knew my drinking was self destructive but I didn't want to be different, I didn't want to miss out on anything, so I kept drinking and my problem got worse and worse
You're very wise to look at this now - I think accepting that you have a problem is about the best thing you could be working on right now
If your life's not all you want it to be right now - whats stopping you from making some changes?
is there something you've always wanted to do, or to try or something you want to get back into?
I think the bottom line is if we want changes in our life we need to make changes - that may mean not hanging with the same crowd for a while, or finding different things to do - but I think it's worth it
there is a lot of support here
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: NY
Posts: 144
How your feeling will pass just as it did when you drank. The thing now is that you are more aware of how you really feel and see the way life is. These things also change as a natural thing of the mind & world, I read a paragraph where you expressed quite a bit of gratitude regarding sobriety. Very important to remember this in my humble opinion and better to let the romantic feelings pass regarding a harmful substance such as alcohol. Sometimes we think that which helps us really does hold us back... I would be easy on myself early on and even easier on others as you'll feel better as time passes along. We're supposed to question everything and I just want to say thank you for being a part of a good thing : )
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 540
Congratulations on a month!
I can't add too much more to what others have said, but I do recommend AA. You will meet sober people and learn ways to be truly happy without drinking. I've actually been to your town, and I know it's small. I live in a small town too, and at first iw as worried about running into people I know, especially clients from my job. So for several months I went to a town 30 miles away. Then I just started going to my local meetings, ran into some clients even, no big deal. Everyone's there for the same reason.
Maybe you could go to a meeting in another town, just to check things out? I know there's not a lot of towns up there, but I'll bet Caribou has meetings, and you may not be as likely to run into someone you know.
There are lots of other recovery programs as well, but face to face meetings are nice, and AA is probably the most common one.
Dont give up! Giving up drinking is not easy. A month is a great accomplishment!
Hope for change
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Long Meadow, MA
Posts: 101
U say u want to enjoy ur last summer of freedom , but having crippling anxiety and blackouts dosent sound enjoyable. I was a month sober last month when I decided I was cured and could moderate my drinking. I woke up two weeks ago Sunday morning to my car smashed on my front lawn and me barley remembering the accident . I wish I didn't feel "bored" or "entitled" to have a drink. I wish all the other bad **** In my head that I've done didnt fade away and I thought it would be fun to have a drink. I wish I found more things to do. But I can only change the future..... And I'm starting to realize that most of the percentage of ppl who drink have a problem . Your not supposed to drink with every activity u do! This just becomes habit for most people. Stay strong these feelings will fade and every morning u wake up with ur car or motorcycle in perfect condition or when u remember every moment of the night before b grateful and recognize that the one or two drinks u were gunna have ( yea riigggghhht ) is not worth it
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 804
Hi,
I can really identify with your story. I too work in a school system. Unfortunately, I didn't stop drinking when I was at the stage you are at now. Two summers ago, the **** really hit the fan. I started drinking earlier and earlier in the day and then tried to sober up by the time my husband came home so that I could start drinking again. It got worse from there. When school started, I couldn't go back to my old routine. During that last year, I ended up in the psych ward 2 x, crashing my car, going to rehab, and almost losing everything important in my life.
I finally got sober on May 26, 2012. Last summer was my first sober and I was terrified I'd be tempted to fall back into the same habits. During this time, I went to AA every day (sometimes 2x). I was afraid of seeing people I knew (and I did see them) but it was a matter of life or death. Ultimately, you are all there for the very same reason. If I see a fellow AA'er now, we share a look and it's almost like a special and secret connection. Can't really explain it.
As for my social life, that was a bit of a culture shock. We mostly hung out (aka drank) with one other couple seeing them almost every day. However, by this time, I had already burned that bridge. I did however feel a gap in my life. Like I said, I went to AA alot. Another thing I did before I got sick is volunteer with an ambulance. Once I became sober, I renewed my interest in that. Volunteering helps you get out of yourself, takes up time, gives you a different social group to interact with, and gives you the knowledge that you are helping others. Kind of a win-win. Maybe you could find something like that-tutoring, community garden, etc.?
I will say, that for me, it got better over time. Not everyone drinks (although it does feel that way at times) and certainly not everyone drinks to get drunk. I have no problem being around a friend having a drink with dinner but have no tolerance for just sitting around and drinking. Frankly, it's pretty boring at this point and everyone starts to become loud and stupid pretty quickly.
Hope some of this was helpful. In other words, to sum it up for me, I realized that my path was leading me to destruction. I took action (AA, volunteering, therapy) . Honestly, there's only one way to get through it and that's straight forward. You'll get to the other side in time.
I can really identify with your story. I too work in a school system. Unfortunately, I didn't stop drinking when I was at the stage you are at now. Two summers ago, the **** really hit the fan. I started drinking earlier and earlier in the day and then tried to sober up by the time my husband came home so that I could start drinking again. It got worse from there. When school started, I couldn't go back to my old routine. During that last year, I ended up in the psych ward 2 x, crashing my car, going to rehab, and almost losing everything important in my life.
I finally got sober on May 26, 2012. Last summer was my first sober and I was terrified I'd be tempted to fall back into the same habits. During this time, I went to AA every day (sometimes 2x). I was afraid of seeing people I knew (and I did see them) but it was a matter of life or death. Ultimately, you are all there for the very same reason. If I see a fellow AA'er now, we share a look and it's almost like a special and secret connection. Can't really explain it.
As for my social life, that was a bit of a culture shock. We mostly hung out (aka drank) with one other couple seeing them almost every day. However, by this time, I had already burned that bridge. I did however feel a gap in my life. Like I said, I went to AA alot. Another thing I did before I got sick is volunteer with an ambulance. Once I became sober, I renewed my interest in that. Volunteering helps you get out of yourself, takes up time, gives you a different social group to interact with, and gives you the knowledge that you are helping others. Kind of a win-win. Maybe you could find something like that-tutoring, community garden, etc.?
I will say, that for me, it got better over time. Not everyone drinks (although it does feel that way at times) and certainly not everyone drinks to get drunk. I have no problem being around a friend having a drink with dinner but have no tolerance for just sitting around and drinking. Frankly, it's pretty boring at this point and everyone starts to become loud and stupid pretty quickly.
Hope some of this was helpful. In other words, to sum it up for me, I realized that my path was leading me to destruction. I took action (AA, volunteering, therapy) . Honestly, there's only one way to get through it and that's straight forward. You'll get to the other side in time.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NJ
Posts: 139
Drinking that wine will not make you feel any better. I bet you know that, too. You've probably been through the depression, anxiety, and anger at yourself the day after giving in. It sounds like thinking about drinking is something to occupy the empty time for you right now. I know it's your vacation, but have you thought of getting a summer job? Even something mindless part time. It at least gets you out of the house to be social. And maybe you'll meet some of those sober friends you're lacking if you're in a new environment.
Nice job on 30 days! Keep it up!
Nice job on 30 days! Keep it up!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
theres a lot of sober people in AA up that way, covering many different professions.
if you did run into someone you knew, it would be a blessing in disguise. and I bet if ya did run into someone ya knew, ya didn't even know that had a problem with alcohol at one time.
if you did run into someone you knew, it would be a blessing in disguise. and I bet if ya did run into someone ya knew, ya didn't even know that had a problem with alcohol at one time.
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