I'm starting to get compliments
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
I'm starting to get compliments
It's been 34 days since I woke up in San Antonio exhausted and sick, remembering (thankfully) how I got to where I was but not remembering why, going to the airport to find my way back home, getting dry heaves in line, sleeping on the floor at the terminal, almost downing a couple bloody marys to kick the edge, but being scared that if I did, I'd get a repeat of the night before and never get out of San Antone. I laid on that floor not being ready to think about the crazy things I'd done and said the night before, and the stupidity of it all. My poor friends' husband couldn't possibly have slept through my raging antics. And it was a miracle that no one got hurt when we drove to a hotel I thought it would be a good idea to book. All of this, and more, pounding through my head like a jackhammer.
34 days later I'm getting some compliments about how great I look. "You've lost weight, I can really see it in your face". I sleep so soundly, like such a baby! I'd thought that being in my late 30s I'd never sleep like this again. Au contraire. I'm doing things that scare my pants off. You'd think driving drunk in a strange city would have done that. No, it's scary to create some of the boundaries I've had to create in both the logistics of staying sober, and the meat and potatoes of staying sober. Everything from dealing with my former San Antone drinking buddy telling everyone at work "Bex doesn't drink anymore. I know, I don't understand, I think she's going through some hard times" (implication: Bex is weak) to having to say "I won't tolerate this behavior and will leave if it happens again" to a family member. My music has improved considerably. I spend more time doing the things I like to do- like playing my guitar, exercising, reading books. So many drunks (like me) say they are creative people who like to do x and y... but we spend much more time talking about those things, slurring, ranting, than actually doing them.
I have a clarity in my head, behind my forehead. It's a lightness, a newfound absence of tension which I don't want to compromise by drinking. One sip is all it takes and I've got so many defenses built up now. Fizzy water, things to do, SLEEP to get. I get that other people can and should drink. I have no idea what it feels like to be them. I know what it feels like to be me, and 34 days ago I felt awful, not for the first time. I have $hitty days now, but nothing on the same caliber as an ordinary bad day coupled with a bad drinking problem. It's kind of neat to be the person who doesn't drink. For me, I'm finding/have found a way for it to be incredibly liberating.
Just wanted to send this shot of light out y'all's way.
xoxo
Bex
34 days later I'm getting some compliments about how great I look. "You've lost weight, I can really see it in your face". I sleep so soundly, like such a baby! I'd thought that being in my late 30s I'd never sleep like this again. Au contraire. I'm doing things that scare my pants off. You'd think driving drunk in a strange city would have done that. No, it's scary to create some of the boundaries I've had to create in both the logistics of staying sober, and the meat and potatoes of staying sober. Everything from dealing with my former San Antone drinking buddy telling everyone at work "Bex doesn't drink anymore. I know, I don't understand, I think she's going through some hard times" (implication: Bex is weak) to having to say "I won't tolerate this behavior and will leave if it happens again" to a family member. My music has improved considerably. I spend more time doing the things I like to do- like playing my guitar, exercising, reading books. So many drunks (like me) say they are creative people who like to do x and y... but we spend much more time talking about those things, slurring, ranting, than actually doing them.
I have a clarity in my head, behind my forehead. It's a lightness, a newfound absence of tension which I don't want to compromise by drinking. One sip is all it takes and I've got so many defenses built up now. Fizzy water, things to do, SLEEP to get. I get that other people can and should drink. I have no idea what it feels like to be them. I know what it feels like to be me, and 34 days ago I felt awful, not for the first time. I have $hitty days now, but nothing on the same caliber as an ordinary bad day coupled with a bad drinking problem. It's kind of neat to be the person who doesn't drink. For me, I'm finding/have found a way for it to be incredibly liberating.
Just wanted to send this shot of light out y'all's way.
xoxo
Bex
Nothing is impossible!
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: EAGAN
Posts: 792
Originally Posted by bexxed 
It's been 34 days since I woke up in San Antonio exhausted and sick, remembering (thankfully) how I got to where I was but not remembering why, going to the airport to find my way back home, getting dry heaves in line, sleeping on the floor at the terminal, almost downing a couple bloody marys to kick the edge, but being scared that if I did, I'd get a repeat of the night before and never get out of San Antone. I laid on that floor not being ready to think about the crazy things I'd done and said the night before, and the stupidity of it all. My poor friends' husband couldn't possibly have slept through my raging antics. And it was a miracle that no one got hurt when we drove to a hotel I thought it would be a good idea to book. All of this, and more, pounding through my head like a jackhammer.
34 days later I'm getting some compliments about how great I look. "You've lost weight, I can really see it in your face". I sleep so soundly, like such a baby! I'd thought that being in my late 30s I'd never sleep like this again. Au contraire. I'm doing things that scare my pants off. You'd think driving drunk in a strange city would have done that. No, it's scary to create some of the boundaries I've had to create in both the logistics of staying sober, and the meat and potatoes of staying sober. Everything from dealing with my former San Antone drinking buddy telling everyone at work "Bex doesn't drink anymore. I know, I don't understand, I think she's going through some hard times" (implication: Bex is weak) to having to say "I won't tolerate this behavior and will leave if it happens again" to a family member. My music has improved considerably. I spend more time doing the things I like to do- like playing my guitar, exercising, reading books. So many drunks (like me) say they are creative people who like to do x and y... but we spend much more time talking about those things, slurring, ranting, than actually doing them.
I have a clarity in my head, behind my forehead. It's a lightness, a newfound absence of tension which I don't want to compromise by drinking. One sip is all it takes and I've got so many defenses built up now. Fizzy water, things to do, SLEEP to get. I get that other people can and should drink. I have no idea what it feels like to be them. I know what it feels like to be me, and 34 days ago I felt awful, not for the first time. I have $hitty days now, but nothing on the same caliber as an ordinary bad day coupled with a bad drinking problem. It's kind of neat to be the person who doesn't drink. For me, I'm finding/have found a way for it to be incredibly liberating.
Just wanted to send this shot of light out y'all's way.
xoxo
Bex
34 days later I'm getting some compliments about how great I look. "You've lost weight, I can really see it in your face". I sleep so soundly, like such a baby! I'd thought that being in my late 30s I'd never sleep like this again. Au contraire. I'm doing things that scare my pants off. You'd think driving drunk in a strange city would have done that. No, it's scary to create some of the boundaries I've had to create in both the logistics of staying sober, and the meat and potatoes of staying sober. Everything from dealing with my former San Antone drinking buddy telling everyone at work "Bex doesn't drink anymore. I know, I don't understand, I think she's going through some hard times" (implication: Bex is weak) to having to say "I won't tolerate this behavior and will leave if it happens again" to a family member. My music has improved considerably. I spend more time doing the things I like to do- like playing my guitar, exercising, reading books. So many drunks (like me) say they are creative people who like to do x and y... but we spend much more time talking about those things, slurring, ranting, than actually doing them.
I have a clarity in my head, behind my forehead. It's a lightness, a newfound absence of tension which I don't want to compromise by drinking. One sip is all it takes and I've got so many defenses built up now. Fizzy water, things to do, SLEEP to get. I get that other people can and should drink. I have no idea what it feels like to be them. I know what it feels like to be me, and 34 days ago I felt awful, not for the first time. I have $hitty days now, but nothing on the same caliber as an ordinary bad day coupled with a bad drinking problem. It's kind of neat to be the person who doesn't drink. For me, I'm finding/have found a way for it to be incredibly liberating.
Just wanted to send this shot of light out y'all's way.
xoxo
Bex
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
Thanks, y'all, for the nice supportive responses. I just cleaned out the fridge, and in the veggie drawer, under a bunch of rotting beets in a paper bag, there was hidden a Shiner IPA. I'd not liked that six pack when I bought it, so I'm not surprised that a stray got left behind. (Please, no judgments on how I had rotten veggies masking beer in my fridge. I promise it didn't smell, and I have a really good sense of smell.)
It wasn't really that big of a deal. I opened it and dumped it down the sink. I used to call that alcohol abuse. I bet it could have been a big deal a month ago, though. It looked pathetic to me, today, though. I kind of laughed at it. As if I want to feel that way ever, ever again.
Alcohol and I need lots of space between us in order to coexist.
It wasn't really that big of a deal. I opened it and dumped it down the sink. I used to call that alcohol abuse. I bet it could have been a big deal a month ago, though. It looked pathetic to me, today, though. I kind of laughed at it. As if I want to feel that way ever, ever again.
Alcohol and I need lots of space between us in order to coexist.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Originally Posted by bexxed
Thanks, y'all, for the nice supportive responses. I just cleaned out the fridge, and in the veggie drawer, under a bunch of rotting beets in a paper bag, there was hidden a Shiner IPA. I'd not liked that six pack when I bought it, so I'm not surprised that a stray got left behind. (Please, no judgments on how I had rotten veggies masking beer in my fridge. I promise it didn't smell, and I have a really good sense of smell.)
It wasn't really that big of a deal. I opened it and dumped it down the sink. I used to call that alcohol abuse. I bet it could have been a big deal a month ago, though. It looked pathetic to me, today, though. I kind of laughed at it. As if I want to feel that way ever, ever again.
Alcohol and I need lots of space between us in order to coexist.
It wasn't really that big of a deal. I opened it and dumped it down the sink. I used to call that alcohol abuse. I bet it could have been a big deal a month ago, though. It looked pathetic to me, today, though. I kind of laughed at it. As if I want to feel that way ever, ever again.
Alcohol and I need lots of space between us in order to coexist.
Thank you!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Atlanta, Ga
Posts: 291
YOU HAVE MADE MY DAY! Absolutely loved and inspired by your post. I started my sobriety journey on April 15, 2013. One of the things that helped me through was when people started commenting to me how much better I looked (did I lose weight, did I some botox, etc.) you get the picture. I did not tell anyone I quit drinking except close family.
Anyhow, once you can physically see the difference, it makes you want to continue. Due to my evil voice in my head, I slipped last week with a glass of wine. Horrible hangover and utter disappointment with myself. I have had to shake it off and move on.
I LOVE BEING SOBER. Please keep posting!!! Vanity is awfully inspiring
Anyhow, once you can physically see the difference, it makes you want to continue. Due to my evil voice in my head, I slipped last week with a glass of wine. Horrible hangover and utter disappointment with myself. I have had to shake it off and move on.
I LOVE BEING SOBER. Please keep posting!!! Vanity is awfully inspiring
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
