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Old 06-25-2013, 12:05 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Just left a relationship due to alcohol/pot addiction. Dealing with heartache and loneliness but taking care of myself in healthy ways, including my meditation practice, reading dozens of books, articles, blogs, and websites on the subject. I fell in love big time, and it doesn't happen often for a widow of 66. So now, I'm here for support: both to give and to receive. Am learning a lot. Some days I have perspective and some acceptance. Other days, like yesterday, I can only cry. Didn't know I was capable of so many tears. But the emotional catharsis helps, too. In some ways, it's good that we have had a long distance relationship. I live in OR and he lives in CA. It made it easier for ABF to hide out, but our real-time, in person relationship revealed the extent of the problem. I am also in an addiction recovery book circle through my Buddhist sangha. Extremely helpful for me to look at my OWN addiction/compulsion around the relationship. I thought I went to learn about HIM, but, of course, it's about me, too. thanks for being here, all your courageous people!

Last edited by wylderose; 06-25-2013 at 12:08 PM. Reason: typo
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Old 06-25-2013, 12:10 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by wylderose View Post
Just left a relationship due to alcohol/pot addiction. Dealing with heartache and loneliness but taking care of myself in healthy ways, including my meditation practice, reading dozens of books, articles, blogs, and websites on the subject. I fell in love big time, and it doesn't happen often for a widow of 66. So now, I'm here for support: both to give and to receive. Am learning a lot. Some days I have perspective and some acceptance. Other days, like yesterday, I can only cry. Didn't know I was capable of so many tears. But the emotional catharsis helps, too. In some ways, it's good that we have had a long distance relationship. I live in OR and he lives in CA. It made it easier for ABF to hide out, but our real-time, in person relationship revealed the extend of the problem. I am also in an addiction recovery book circle through my Buddhist sangha. Extremely helpful for me to look at my OWN addiction/compulsion around the relationship. I thought I went to learn about HIM, but, of course, it's about me, too. thanks for being here, all your courageous people!
Welcome to the forum fellow Oregonian! I've found a great deal of wonderful people in my short time here. Just know that what you are doing is good for YOU and that you need to focus on your own happiness and health . You might swing by the "Friends and Family of Alcoholics" forum as I think you will find a lot of people dealing with very similar issues in their lives.

Keep your chin up and keep smiling!
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Old 06-25-2013, 12:17 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Thank you, dbaguy. I plan to be mostly in that forum, yes.
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Old 06-25-2013, 01:02 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Welcome! Keep posting.
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Old 06-25-2013, 01:10 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Welcome, Wylderose! I also attend a Buddhist 12-step book study group, currently reading "One Breath at a Time." Glad to meet someone involved in a similar group.

I hope you find opportunities to both share and receive wisdom here!
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Old 06-25-2013, 01:22 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Welcome Wylderose,

It sounds like you are doing lots of good things to take care of yourself. I hope that you continue to read and post here at SR.
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Old 06-25-2013, 01:23 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Hi, honeypig: Thanks for responding. That is one of the (many) books we considered. We ended up with Mindful Recovery: A Spiritual Path to Healing from Addiction, by Thomas and Beverly Bien. We find it excellent.
We'll be reading a new one in a few weeks...forgot the title: also Buddhist based, one word. I'll post when I find out.

Thanks, again.
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Old 06-25-2013, 01:27 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Thank you, Anna. Love the quote. Very much in keeping with my Buddhist beliefs.
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Old 06-25-2013, 02:27 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Pleased to meet you wylderose. I'm so glad you found us. This is a great group of compassionate people.

I'm sorry for all that you've been through. I'm glad you didn't try to accept his behavior and cling to the relationship. I know how hard it must have been not to do that. (I think you'll benefit from checking out our Friends & Family Forum also.)

I hope sharing your story will help ease your anxiety. We're happy you joined us.
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Old 06-25-2013, 02:43 PM   #10 (permalink)
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I certainly feel warmly welcomed. A special thanks to Anna (site volunteer) who helped me navigate the registration. Yes; I plan to be at Friends and Family Forum...really the place I "belong"! Thank you, one and all.

PS: I should add that clinging has not entirely ceased, as you might have surmised! Yesterday was all about feeling sorry for myself. Day at a time, right?
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Old 06-26-2013, 06:16 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Book title for HoneyPig

Hi, HoneyPig:

The next book we will be reading in my Shambhala reading circle on recovering from addiction is Enough!: A Buddhist Approach to Finding Release from Addictive Patterns.

Last edited by wylderose; 06-26-2013 at 06:16 PM. Reason: typo
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