Originally Posted by jstar
As I type this out I can see I obviously have no boundaries! !! Ouch on the self realization here!
And I can also see some of my selfishness here too as I'm complaining about people asking for help. ...sigh....I have a long way to go!
Yes, you have to create boundaries. You have seen how some can take advantage of someones good nature. These are not the winners. They take, take and take. You have to learn to say no. Use the excuse that you have other obligations and in reality that is not an excuse. YOU are your other obligation. This is your life we are talking about. You are not responsible for theirs.
You are not selfish. They are not asking for help they are taking advantage of you. That is two separate things.
As Dee said you will get to know people more as time goes on and that has already happened and it is true that just because people are in AA does not mean they are working the program, are working on their recovery and are changing their character defects. Using other people is one of these character defects.
I had one lady that I met in the program that I could see her being a user after the fact. She wanted to exchange numbers, which we did. She mentioned she may need a ride and I also had no problem with that. That same afternoon she called and went on for 45 minutes about everything but AA or her problems with alcohol. I heard about her husband, who was still drinking, her medical problems and her financial issues. I only saw her a handful of times after that and not since. I assume she went back out.
I think for me I had to concentrate on me. We cannot save everyone. If someone needs a ride, fine. I will not be someones taxi, babysitter or loan officer.
When I see these people at meetings I still say hi. I don't hide from them. When you tell them no enough times they will go away and find a new person to take advantage of.
If you want to help them, pray for them. I mean that sincerely. Pray they find direction.