DarkDays

I wish I realised at your age I what I realise now. The drug alcohell traps you and owns you. There is nothing good in drinking, it's a sheep like thing that the masses do , brainwashing and conditioning tell you that you have to do it . Moderation will drag you down , you will become totally obsessed with drink even more than you are now. It may seem strange and scary getting sober when all around you they are drinking and following each other herd like. Young people who do not drink, I cannot think of nothing cooler.

Hope you work it out.

least

With the blackouts you describe, I think you're already drinking "like a normal college student". If I were you I'd give it up altogether for three months to see if you like it. You can always go back to drinking again if you don't like being sober...

GreenEggsAndHam

I started out the same way - a party girl who just drank too much when partying - but so did lots of people, right?

Then I got a little older and was the ex -party girl turned barfly.

Then I got a little older and was the sports bar mom.

Then I got a little older and was (am) the alcoholic soccer mom.

I hope you can get it under control while you are still young. (hugs)

Dano1975

I think if you black out and do regrettable things and then repeat it over and over again you've probably already failed at moderation. I tried so long to bargain with my disease and always ended up at the same place (a bad place). I can't say whether or not you're an alcoholic, but you have the traits and the genetics. As others have said here, I REALLY wish I had been as self-aware as you at 20. Stick around here, do alot of reading and please be careful.

lessgravity

This topic is one that gets an incredible amount of responses.

It's obvious that this idea is the deepest desire, the sweetest dream of the alcoholic. And it's also one of the most damaging games we play with ourselves.

I wish too that I could go back in time and stop myself from drinking like I did.

All that drinking does is feed itself. It takes from you, to feed it's own horrible desires.

Best of luck. Stay strong.

BlueFrancis

when one drink turns into ten without realising it, there is no such thing as moderation. Hence I'm not qualified to advise anyone on the subject

Joe Nerv

Didn't read any of the responses, but my immediate thought at the title of the thread was - you're in the wrong place.

Someone looking to moderate is usually someone headed towards trouble. To need help in moderating means that alcohol is becoming a problem, and the problem almost always just gets worse. People without a problem, can moderate, no problem.

Just my $.02. I'm certain others have said the same.

Dib42

Just another quick note . . . You're in college, You should be freakin' worried about your performance not about your drinking. Are you paying for college? Are your parents? That is a lot of money to be played with by partying too hard on the weekends.

Threshold

I know a lot of normal college students that don't drink.

HappyT4support

I tried to 'moderate' after being sober for a time. I gave myself permission to have drinks with friends. Then it was ok to pick up one beer from the liquor store after. Then it was ok to bring vodka home - just two drinks before bed. Then it was out of control again.

Like others on this thread, I applaud you for being so self aware at such a young age. It took me until 28 to recognize I had a problem.

jkb

Make sure you eat before you drink... And drink a lot less than you currently are when you go out. Avoid hard liquor, and don't have more than 1 beer 1 glass of wine per hour. (you can have 2 the first hour, but after that only one) and drink a glass of water in between.
-Posted by Dib42

I second all that wonderful advice if that is what your looking for. However, I don't think your going to get help learning how to moderate on here. There is a program that you can look into that is specifically for that purpose. Good luck with it.... many BAD things happened to me in blackouts. Be careful. ((hugs)) Jess

Itsmytime1234

Like u I realized I have a drinking problem around 20-21, ( after a few failed relationships due to me acting pathetic and crazy while drunk, and also a laundry list of other regretful things I did) but I just didn't think a life of sobriety at that age was even a possibility . So I spent the next 6 years trying to moderate, only to be in the same place I was then only older. Ur 20 now, in the blink of an eye u will be 30 , being to young to quit drinking will not be your excuse forever, and then what? Come up with another excuse like i did perhaps? It's so hard to admit that ur drinking will never change because it is who u are, part of your makeup u cannot change it. But once u do... Once u realize that u never have to feel like crap about yourself again, or drive drunk, or black out and god knows what happened, u will be free. I drank just like u, maybe only once a month at times, but boy did I make up for the space inbetween. I'm struggling everyday to fight that voice that tells me I can have a beer tonight with friends it'll be no problem. And u know what I probably could, maybe a few weeks in a row, and think I'm cured! Like I have soo many times in the past. But the beast is just taking a nap. He'll be back,...he always comes back.

NatalieNew

I'm so glad to have come back and found so many responses! Thank you all soo much for your input, I really do appreciate it. I don't really know how to use this forum haha so I'm quoting one response like this: (and I'll just type out to others since I don't know how to do it this way again)



SO CRAZY. I totally didn't even make that connection between the medication and the blackouts. I take 20 mg of citalopram (depression/anxiety meds) every day and have been for a year or two (lost track). I don't do or take any other drugs... no weed or anything..pills..nothing. I have noticed once I was on the meds it made my hangovers incredibly worse.. I guess I've never really payed attention to a possible correlation between blackouts and the medication though! That's so interesting.... in your (or anyone's) experience is it like this with many depression medications? Definitely something I'll probably bring up with my doctor. Mindblown I didn't make that connection before... haha thank you!

As for the other people questioning if I'm actually blacking out or not, yes I'm positive it's blacking out and not just passing out. I have had nights where I had OBVIOUSLY drank way too much and had been like totally incoherent and blacked out and it was clear to everyone that I was in that state.. but most of the time my friends will be surprised when I don't remember the night since they'll say I was acting drunk but not at "blackout" level drunk and that I was functioning decently well/still interacting.

Another thing to add, I decided to go out with my friends a few nights ago and see if drinking just beer would make a difference since I typically would always drink vodka. I would usually take lots of shots and make mixed drinks. This night I drank only beer (I'd estimate about 9 or 10 over the span of 6 or 6 and a half hours) and I had such a different experience. I remembered everything (granted some parts are a little blurry but no huge holes in my night). I didn't feel like it was 'boring' or that I had to 'restrain' or anything like some of you are saying you experienced when you tried changing your drinking habits. It was quite nice lol a nice change! In retrospect I think I pushed the limit just a bit, I'd probably try to stick to a couple fewer beers than that in the future. Does anyone have any thoughts on this? I'm thinking it's probably just because I physically can't consume (haha?) the equivalent (in beer) of what i'd usually drink in vodka in a night since I'd usually have pretty strong drinks / lots of shots. thoughts?

Anyone ever had good experiences with sticking to just beer and no hard liquor?


To Crossfitdad- (I don't know how to tag you/quote you here, sorry )

I totally agree with what you said... I have a lot of friends who also blackout on a regular basis which is why I was surprised by the number of comments here saying that blackouts happen at late stages of alcoholism ..I wonder.... I know alcoholism tends to run in families.... does anyone think its possible that maybe my tendency to black out (even when I dont think I drank a particularly large amount) is some kind of inherited predisposition from my grandfather?


To FeenixxRising-

Thank you for the websites I can't wait to look at them





And for future replies, I'd just like to try and give a better picture of one thing! I really am not worried at all that the frequency of my drinking will increase or that I'll have urges to drink more often or anything like that that you guys were talking about it being a slippery slope to drinking every day and such (sorry for the horribly worded sentence, i'm in a rush!). I'm actually a straight-A student with two jobs and a volunteer job as well. So, I'd just like to clarify that my concern lies solely in how to moderate/have better drinking habits/experiences, unrelated to frequency


Again, thank you all so much and I hope to hear back from people again!!

NatalieNew

My drinking problem has not impacted my performance in college, academics, work etc. whatsoever! I'm doing very well in these areas of my life and I'm sorry for not making that clear earlier. And I would respectfully like to disagree that I SHOULD be worried about my drinking as although it does not create turmoil in most areas of my life, it has been emotionally/mentally stressful and emotionally damaging for me, hence my being here to change...emotional and mental health is just as important



To Itsmytime1234-
"I'm struggling everyday to fight that voice that tells me I can have a beer tonight with friends it'll be no problem. And u know what I probably could, maybe a few weeks in a row, and think I'm cured! Like I have soo many times in the past. But the beast is just taking a nap. He'll be back,...he always comes back."


This was a very sobering (ha) message for me. I realize that right now I'm probably just riding on the 'high' of having a successful night of drinking with nothing bad happening/no blackouts etc. the other night. This quote will stick with me and I'll remember it when I need a reminder that this endeavor will most likely (almost certainly) require some pretty constant willingness, awareness and effort!

Dee74

Natalie I think what people are saying to you here is - if this happens to you

You already have a dysfunctional relationship with alcohol and very likely a physiological one too.

I know it's not what you want to hear, but I think the answer lies in not cutting back - but cutting out completely.

D

Notmyrealname

Deleted, sorry got off-topic.

Nuudawn

Sorry I wouldn't get too excited that mixing MED's is why you're blacking out. I blacked out fairly regularly at your age also..without med's. I, like you, was a weekend partier..and the "blacking out" scared me so bad...I went to AA...a couple times...but that didn't last.

By my early 30's I was drinking daily and still blacking out when I binged too hard on weekends or off time/ vacation etc.

You're blacking out because you're drinking WAY to much. Moderating? Well, I'm of the opinion that those who can moderate, don't black out so frequently that they are on an addiction forum. I was 20 a looooong time ago..never learned to moderate. Wasted years and years...relationships..opportunities.

I wish you love, luck and bright blessings young one. It's a bumpy road ahead.

LadyinBC

I think if any of us had any good experience doing this, we wouldn't be here .

Alcoholism is progressive. I started with just wine, moved on to vodka and when that got too expensive to keep me drunk, I went with the cheap 22% sherry. And on top of that I was taking paxil. These kind of meds and alcohol, very bad mix.

Your blacking out while drinking, your grandfather is an alcoholic, you are mixing meds and alcohol, you should be concerned and aware that you could develop a problem.

I can't stop at one drink Natalie, once I have one, I won't stop.

Soberpotamus

I blacked out early on too. I was in college, doing well, graduated with honors despite my drinking. I suspected I had a problem around age 20. Friends commented on the crazy things I'd do and say while drinking... they told me I ought not drink so much, so fast.

You sound similar to what I remember going on in my early 20's... By age 25, after graduation, I knew without a doubt I had a drinking problem. I got sober at age 26, for a little over a year. Wished I'd stayed sober. I attempted to moderate from age 28 until I quit again at age 32 for three months, then again at age 34, for eight months that time. I'm now 36 and finally sober after a fourth attempt. This time, I know without a shadow of a doubt there is no way, no how that I can ever drink another drop again.

I urge you to take your drinking issues very seriously. Alcoholism is in your family. You are blacking out. You are on a forum for alcoholics. Don't make the mistake of thinking time and youth are on your side. If I could go back to age 20 and stop myself from drinking I would do it in a heartbeat.

Jsober

If you can moderate that is great. Give it a shot. If you keep ending up drinking more than you intend then you should look into abstinance. I tried to moderate many times, it was never my intention to get black out drunk. I was always looking to stay right in that happy buzz zone. The only problem is that I wanted to stay there forever once I started. I could moderate from time to time but when I did I didnt enjoy it much. When I did enjoy my drinking I lost control. So abstinance was the only way for me.

It doesn't have to be for you, maybe you can stick to two or three drinks. That's moderation. If that doesnt sound fun or is difficult for you start looking at the alternative.