Fighting the negative voices - tips wanted
 

Hi everyone!

Every now and then, like these past few days, the "negative voices" in my head start taking over.

Usually it's about fear of financial insecurity (I'm job hunting as we speak).

After a few days of feeling like this, I start despairing and believing that voice that keeps telling me: "it's not going to work out, you're screwed, you should be panicking right now over this. Panic, panic, panic!"

Care to share any of your tools for dealing with this stuff? I am not about to pick up, I just wish I could feel enthusiastic and happy instead of insecure and fearful.

I do one AA meeting a day, just FYI.

I know when I was job hunting it was very stressful.

I don't think you can completely get rid of the feelings of insecurity. They are real and they are there. I think just recognizing them for what they are is a good thing but not to let them dominate and leak into other aspects of your life is the tricky part.

I think taking the time to think about the positive areas of your life. Your sobriety and going to AA. If you have not, you could bring up the stress of job searching at an AA meeting if you go to one that has an open discussion. I am sure others are in the same boat. You never know where a job opportunity may arise.

You hit right on it when you mention the point where you start believing the voice. That really is the fork in the road.

I take a couple of steps. First I recognize that inner voice and separate it from myself (a bit like AVRT). I acknowledge it and remind myself that even if the concern is a valid one, my current anxious state means that thinking about it won't be productive.

Then I mentally focus on my body and try to feel the anxiety as a physical sensation... noticing if my muscles are tense, if I have any points of tightness (often in my chest), if my heart rate is faster.

Then I try to disassociate those physical sensations from any kind of narrative in my mind. My chest isn't tight because I don't have enough savings; my chest is just tight. Like my feet would be sore if I'd be walking all day.

And then I focus on my breath and try to breathe my way through the physical sensation.

Depending on how bad the anxiety is, this might work right away, or I might have to keep at it for a while. One important part is not to feel like I'm trying to "fix" the anxiety... that just causes more anxiety. Instead it's just allowing it to happen without adding fuel to it.

I bicycle, and I find my technique for long climbs is very similar. The hill is there and it's a certain size, and I have to get to the top. If I start getting upset about how hard it is to climb and how hot out it is and how I want to get to the top, I start pushing too hard on the pedals and tiring myself out in weird places. If I detach from wanting to get to the top and just focus on my breath and on the feeling of the climb, I get a better motion going and it tires me less.

I also find yoga a great way to practice. Here's a good article about how it helps: Yoga: Changing The Brain's Stressful Habits | Psychology Today

Hi guys!

Thanks for the replies!

Everything in sobriety has worked out just fine this far. I have had several instances of "OMG this is NEVER going to work out"... and it all ended up working out.

The problem is, I think, that I start behaving and living in a very counter productive way, when I have periods of "insecurity" like this. I have a hard time getting up early, I get sloppy with keeping my apartment tidy, I stop eating well. And then everything in life starts feeling insurmountable.

My mind latches on to something that it considers a problem (in this case finding a new job) and then it puts the "You'll never find a job"-song on repeat in my head.

Thanks for the tips. I will try and take a step back and be more neutral with regard to these thoughts.

This is a massive problem for me.

On a very simple level, I try as much as possible to counter any negative thoughts with positive ones. For example, 'I might not have found a job yet but I have these skills which are valuable to an employer and I am sure to find something eventually...' Really this is just basic CBT but there is a lot more to it than that. It's worth looking into.

My negative thinking tends to drag me down into deep depths of self pity and when that happens it's really hard to drag myself back out again. At those times even the simplest task seems insurmountable. Usually then I will just try and do something positive every day. It doesn't matter how small, just keep moving in the right direction.

One book I found really helpful with this was Susan Jeffer's Feel the fear and do it anyway. She calls the negative chatter the 'chatterbox' and talks about how the negative self talk is caused by fear and how we can overcome it. I thought it would be a very cheesy book there is some really good stuff in there.

Maybe while you are job hunting you can look at possible ways you could increase your employability. Any courses you could do, rewriting your CV, learning interview skills etc... It is amazing how taking positive action can change our entire outlook. All that negative chatter tends to drag us down to the point of inactivity whereas if we make small steps which are beneficial to us we can see massive rewards in our outlook. I know how old habits die hard though, this stuff takes practice x

Ask your higher power to put you where you can be useful to others....

You sound like my sponsor...:tyou

Negative thoughts have always plagued me, but I've learned to combat them.

First, be aware that you are having these thoughts. Ask yourself “What is it about this situation that is upsetting me?”

Second, challenge these thoughts. Just because you think something, doesn't make it true.

Third, put your thoughts in perspective. Are things are bad as you make them out to be in your thoughts? what is the worst that can happen? What can you do to get through the situation as best as possible.

Last, what are the more helpful thoughts. In your case, what can you do to further your job search.

I found these links to be helpful:

Philippians 4:6-7

New King James Version (NKJV)


6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.