Dib42

I stopped participating in discussion here, and fell back into my old habits. It started with the spring arriving. It became time to work on my yard and my house, and that familiar thought arrived. "This would be a lot more fun with a cold beer." So I knocked back a couple beers, and it was a blast, got a lot done on my yard, and my house, things were good. Next day, repeat, same the next day. Then it wasn't cutting it anymore, I needed a couple beers and a couple shots, and then screw the beers, I just need the shots. Shots became 1/2 pints, 1/2 pints became pints with shots, which eventually became Beer with Wine with shots with 5ths.

I only had a couple shots yesterday, and woke up today with that painfully familiar anxiety. I'm back to the point where if I don't drink, I have panic attacks.

I quit participating in discussion here, because I was doing so well not drinking, and I was worried that talking about it would be a trigger. It is my opinion that continuing the discussion on here provided me that extra boost I needed to ignore my AV.

I know I was happier not drinking, and I'd like to get back there . . .

ANGELINA243

Welcome back! Keep posting and reaching out. We do recover.

PrettySweets

Dib42,

You will get back there! I feel like sometimes we need a refresher in life to realize just why we DON'T want it anymore. I almost relapsed one time when I was cleaning and found some things connected to my habit. It was one of the hardest days I have ever had.

Don't give up! Even if you feel like you are doing well on your own stay here and chat! Sometimes the connection with people who can understand where we are coming from can bring a level of unconditional love and support we never thought was needed, but it is! I say take a deep breath and remember... If you want something bad enough you will make it happen, and you have already done it! Don't give up the hard road, it eventually gets easier with time.

~P.S.

Nighthawk8820

Its a learning experience. Now you know............ALWAYS keep your guard up. Alcoholism never goes away, ever. It will always lurk beneath the surface, waiting for you to get too comfortable or to think that in time, you have somehow cured yourself. Its never the case, but you can have an awesome life with sobriety. Always keep your guard up, no matter if its a year or 20 years. Welcome back!!!

Bobby83

Welcome back.

I slipped, then realized and came bak to. This place is awesome.
And you are a smart person for being able to be so honest with yourself and us.
That's a lot right there.
Take care and best of luck, though I find this site is my lucky rabbits foot

least

Welcome back! I'm glad you want to get back on track again.

Kayla50

That is what keeps happening to me. And I am at that place as, where if I don't drink I have panic attacks. I didn't drink today. I hope I can do this.

Dib42

You can do it, I've had many day one and day twos and day threes of not drinking, those are always a little rough, but it definitely gets easier. Unfortunately for me, it got so easy that I forgot how hard it was in the beginning.

I spent most of yesterday in my Bed, I wasn't tired, I just couldn't leave the safety of my bed.

Today I am feeling a lot less anxious, but I may still see a doctor for some anti anxiety meds... Although in all honesty, if I take those, I'll likely think, (man these would be better with a beer.) Dangerous I know, but that hasn't stopped me in the past.

I just talked myself out of it, I'm just going to tough it out. I know it'll go away in a few days.

hypochondriac

Glad you came back Dib I found that when I took a break from here my AV activity increased somewhat. I think a big part of it is not having sober people around me in real life so I start feeling like the odd one out and coming here reminds me that I'm not alone. Have you got any real life support? x