violetruth123

Joining today because my Husband is newly recovering from alcohol. Sober since 6-5-2103. He went through the DT's & had to go to the hospital. It was really scary to watch! Since he has stopped drinking, I'm dealing with a totally different person. To be expected I know, but frustrated because he won't talk to me about what he is going through or anyone else for that matter. According to him he's fine, he doesn't need to talk to someone or go to any meetings, etc., etc. I feel I need to reach out because for me it's a whole new world and I don't think he understands this just yet. I'm very insecure about our relationship right now, he may be as well but again, I'm not sure because he won't talk to me.

We have been togethor for 14 years, married for 2. In that whole time it was all centered around drinking. Going to parties, restaurants, wine tasting, our friends house for dinner (alcohol always included), and so on. I don't know how to act, how to react. I feel I have to tiptoe around him for fear he will turn back to drinking. Yes frustrated and strugglin with emotions.

Hevyn

Welcome to SR violetruth. I'm glad you came here for some help & suggestions. SR is a wonderful place for support from people who understand what you're going through.
(We also have a 'Friends & Family' Forum you may want to check out.)

You're so right - it's a whole new world for both of you. My husband and I drank together for years, too. Unfortunately he was never able to let go of it. Your husband obviously needs support. White knuckling doesn't usually work. Maybe Al-Anon would be helpful for you? It's like learning to live again in a whole new way, and I understand how you feel. Glad you are here.

Anna

As Hevyn said, you're right, this will be a big change for both of you. If your life has been centered around drinking with friends, etc, you will need to make a decision about whether or not you want your life to change. I think AlAnon could help and do check out the Friends & Families forum.

BamaSober

violetruth123,

Hi and welcome to SR.

I've been sober for a long time (decades) my advice is for you to research the Al-anon threads and post there. You will need to take care of yourself and you need to learn how and have support in doing so. Also, if you're inclined to do so, there may be actual Al-anon meetings in your area which you may want to consider attending for additional support to compliment this forum.

You are correct in your assessment, things are changing for both of you and apparently you have your head in the game much more than he does. Get support to assist you in understanding what the changes are and what you can do. It's not all on your shoulders to facilitate change. Get support

Peace and take care,

least

Sounds like your life is confused right now. I'm sorry your husband won't talk to you but maybe he's just feeling insecure right now himself. He's only been sober a couple weeks. I'd give him more time to adjust to a sober life. Then if you are still having problems, maybe a counselor for the both of you.

Nighthawk8820

When alcohol is removed from the equation, you often find you have little or nothing in common with even the people you think you are closest too. He is in a very odd place right now, and not going to meetings or being proactive with his recovery worries me, to be honest. You dont need to live like this, and there is nothing you can do that can MAKE him go back to alcohol. He either wants to or doesnt, but never, EVER think its your fault. Dont lose yourself in this whole process. Its easy to become addicted to the addict, and it happens more often than you can imagine. I wish you all the best.