Acheleus

But I am feeling better. I made angel hair pasta with smoked salmon. The sauce is milk, whipping cream, dill, and green onions. Maybe after a year of sobriety I can become a chef. I really like to cook.

Olive1

I am glad you came back, Acheleus.

cascademn

Acheleus, that sounds absolutely fantastic. I love smoked salmon. I'd eat smoked salmon ice cream if somebody would make it. We are so much more than our illness. Hold on to the taste of that dish when things look bleak. Every day sober brings things that make life worth living.

Acheleus

Well my father was in insurance so I am getting some health insurance early this week and I am going to the health center at my university to get a recommendation for a doctor. I want to do cognitive behavioral therapy, and I am trying to get back into my buddhism books and meditation stuff. I'm having to change the way I think. But I did get a good grade on the test I was worried about so I feel good about that. My anxiety is just in high gear because I am not smoking or drinking, but I am not going back to that poison.

Acheleus

Yes I never cooked when I was drinking a lot. Too depressed from the hangovers. Cooking lets me know that I can be self-sufficient and take care of myself. Thank you guys for the support, I am going to come out of this thing stronger than ever. My emotions are just all over the place, and I am a sensitive guy. Even crying a lot at night and early in the mornings.

Acheleus

This always makes me feel better. The universe is much bigger than me and my problems.
Richard Feynman talks about light - YouTube

Acheleus

Richard Feynman Fire - YouTube

Hevyn

Hi again Acheleus - I'm so glad to see you still posting & maybe feeling a little better.

The way you feel about people, & life in general reminds me of the way my son feels at times. He's seeing a therapist for depression & she's helping him. I'm glad you plan to see your doctor. I hope you'll tell him how down you've been. You don't have to settle for feeling this way.

As you can see, we do sincerely care what's going on with you & want to help.

Shining~Again

umm...I'll wave my hand to say I can overreact..I don't actually act out, but internalize it. Feel things a bit more deeply than others. Been like that my whole life.

Crazy parents and stuff. I think you should maybe take some of those thoughts, put pen to paper and share - either on boards or in PM. You'll probably wind up feeling a lot more understood and on the majority side of things, rather than the minority.
I also got a feeling you have more people that you can become friends with than maybe you think?

Your dinner sounds fabulous.

I'm glad to hear you're staying....for now.

Cheers

Soberpotamus

Glad you are cooking and enjoying it, and taking care of you. Hope you do stay close to the forum here. People do care. I know it's hard to believe that sometimes. Trust is hard for people who come from dysfunctional families. I know, trust me

Glad to hear you are working out some insurance options and looking for a doc.

What Buddhist books are you reading?

Nighthawk8820

I think you need to do what you need to do. You are obviously struggling to find something, and not knowing you personally, I can only help so much. I know how bad you want sobriety, so you do what it takes to stay on the right path for you. If that means no internet, and camping, then by all means go for it. I wish you all the best man.

PrettySweets

Acheleus,

There are hard times in sobriety that make us want to change our minds and go back to where we used to be. This road is a hard one and even just the fact that you can admit how you are feeling is a huge step! I know how you feel. I have horrible mood swings and rounds of depression, my body is kicking my behind right now with body pain and headaches. All after effects of my choices. I have no insurance, and stopped cold turkey and though I haven't gone back I wish I had at times.

Thinking time is great! Writing also may help get those feelings out and help you think a bit clearer. I encourage you to still maintain connection with us here, I would love to hear about your adventures in the woods. Also, don't be so hard on yourself. Believe in others because we (here) believe in you. I have a dim picture of many humans that have crossed my path, many of them enablers, but not here.

Be safe, stay sane, enjoy camping and take care of you.

~P.S.

Mizzuno