Dixiepride

I am a Mom, grandmother and wife. I have had a pill (loratab) addiction for 15+ yrs. I was a functioning addict until this past year. I had always kept it under control (I thought) then before I knew it I was up to 20 pills a day. That meant I was spending $100 @ day to feel horrible physically and mentally. I became a prisoner to freakin pills. When I could take 3 w/ a soma and nothing I knew that if I didn't stop I would die sooner than later. So I told my husband I was quitting and he knew he had to quit also if he didn't want to be burying his wife sooner than later! So 2 wks ago we both started small doses of suboxone and have tapered down. He is on day 2 of nothing and of course I'm still struggling. A few days ago I started to get scared of sub w/d so I switched back to my doc to try to taper off it. I have been taking 5 mg in am and 5 mg in pm so of course I'm still dealing with w/d because of small amount. I'm just lost as to what to do. My plan is taking half that amount tomorrow and then just biting the bullet. So far it's only physical withdraws, no mental YET! I have never come this far and I have tried to stop a dozen times. I truly believe I am done this time. Not that I won't have set backs but I am so over this BS!!! So my question is do I sound in denial? Am I going at it all wrong? If I go cold turkey how long will I be in agony? I have a business to run! I am scared to quit cold turkey. You could offer me $1000 bucks to get you a bottle of pills (a phone call away) and I would refuse! That bottle has destroyed me and I sat by and let it happen w/ a disgusting loaded look on my face at that!!

purechaos

It took me two weeks///the first week being in complete and utter hell... Remember there are better days at the end of the tunnel... keep moving forward and you will get there.

SNST

Dixie, I relate to you alot! Im a mother a grandmother, just not a wife anymore. I had the $100.00 a day addiction too. If your already going through w/d's ( I would have been with the small amount your taking right now ) you might as well cut it now, get it over with, why prolong the w/ds? Can you take a little time off work? You cant make the w/ds go away but you can try to make yourself a little more comfortable while your going through this. Hang in there, you can beat this!

Dixiepride

I just feel so weak when it comes to wd!! If I could lay in bed in a dark cool room but I have to function. I can take day or two off but that's it. My joints are killing me. I have considered going to a hotel for a few days because I have to save face at home. I'm trying to keep this from the kids and grands! I have noticed while I'm on here it's all a little easier. I have always felt so isolated. Like I'm the only idiot to get theirselves in this predicament!!! Thank you for the encouragement!! Means the world to me!!!!!

Dixiepride

Thank you! I do believe in the better days ahead I just cant see them yet. I miss my old self so much ...I mourn for her. Seeing others beat this has made such an impact that I'm surprised how much it's helping.

SNST

I thought I was the weakest person, and of course I didnt think anyone else went through w/ds as bad as I did, lol, until I came here an saw what others were going through or had been through, it was exactly what I was going through. That didnt make me feel any better physically, but for some crazy reason it did help to know I wasnt the only person to feel this way. I was alone, other than my room mate & he was gone most of the time, so I lived on my couch for 4 days straight! I only got up to go to the bathroom & grab some water on my way back. I stayed on here the entire time I was awake ( which was often ) You need to drink LOTS of water, an take vitamins. I know its probably hard for you to eat right now but try to get something down, oh an dont forget the Imodium There are some different things you can get from your pharmacist that will help a little ( any help is better than nothing ) The restless legs & anxiety is what drove me crazy..ughhhh I had it bad. Right now just pamper yourself the best you can, your going through a lot, you have put your body & mind through hell over the years, its gonna take time to heal but I promise you it will all be worth it

least

I don't know about pills but want to offer you a

Dixiepride

I was feeling terrible earlier when I read your post but for some scary reason I'm not so miserable at the moment. I never want this to be easy! I want to remember this hellacious experience forever!! Also when I log in where does it tell me if anyone has commented on my thread or post etc.? Thanks again for the support!!

Hevyn

Welcome to SR Dixiepride. I don't have pill experience either, but want to say I'm glad you found us.

It takes courage to change your life the way you are. I agree, never forget what you're going through now. Maybe keep a journal to remind yourself. You don't have to ever go back to that horrible place. Congratulations on making this big decision - I'm happy you reached out for support.

2granddaughters

Dixie, are you attending NA meetings in your area?

The folks there have been right where you are ...

All the best.

Bob R

Dixiepride

Thanks for the support! Im not sure about na. I live in a rural area but I will check it out in a larger town 30 minutes from here

SNST

Dixie, it really does help to read about what others are or have gone through on here, it made a world of difference for me. I spent hours on top of hours on SR just browsing and reading.There are people that were here for me in the beginning when I thought I would never make it they gave me hope, they congratulated me on my progress when I was still feeling like crap an that made me feel better

If someone has commented on your thread since your last log in you will see it in the new post, or you can go to " your post" at the top of the page,thats how I do it anyway Im still learning my way around