My boyfriend is an addict.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 1
My boyfriend is an addict.
I got together with my boyfriend 2 years ago. He was using every drug in the book at the time. I didn't know. He eventually told me when he stopped everything except weed. Which I didn't mind since I was a weed smoker myself. Well a few months ago he starts becoming distant and clearly high all the time. He told me he was smoking percocets, which he had so I believed him and kind of just let him do his thing. Well every morning he would wake up, puke, and go smoke. He would be smoking in the bathroom all day. I finally convinced I'm to believe how addicted he was and sure enough he woke up one morning so ill he couldn't even smoke because of the continuous vomiting. 3 days later he felt better and was right back at it.
Here's the problem. I'm not the type of person to tell people what to do with their lives or what they SHOULD be doing, but this began 7 months ago, as soon as we found out I was pregnant. I am now 8 months pregnant and turns out he has himself addicted to heroin. He never took percs. In the past month he has spent over $1000 on heroin and that was all the money we had saved up for our daughter. He works 2 days a week and it covers the bills, but only utilities. Not even food. So now I'm stuck spending the last tiny bit of money left to my name just to eat when that money was supposed to be saved for diapers and every thing else a baby needs. He has comes to terms with his addiction and realizes the financial abyss he has us spirAled into. I'm pretty sure he doesn't care. He lies about everything. I am lost. Someone help me. I haven't talked to anyone about this because I can't have anyone know. His mom tried putting I'm in drug counseling but he refuses to go. He went one time and just told the guy what he wanted to hear. My boyfriend is very smart but has a serious problem. And it isn't just heroin. If heroin didnt exist he would just do something else. He is addicted to drugs more so mentally than physically. He cannot function sober anymore. If he's not high on something, his anxiety is through the roof and he can't handle his own mind. He's been through years of therapy since he was 12, he's 20 now. Every single therapist couldn't help him. He has been institutionalized Nd even they couldn't help him and eventually kicked him out. I don't even know if I'm looking for answers T this point or just a friend. And don't say "kick him out" because if I could have I would have. He pays the bills. Until I deliver the baby I can't get a job, if I can even find one in this economy. I can't live in a house with a baby without the bills paid. Plus I love him I do t want to leave him, I want to help him. :/
Here's the problem. I'm not the type of person to tell people what to do with their lives or what they SHOULD be doing, but this began 7 months ago, as soon as we found out I was pregnant. I am now 8 months pregnant and turns out he has himself addicted to heroin. He never took percs. In the past month he has spent over $1000 on heroin and that was all the money we had saved up for our daughter. He works 2 days a week and it covers the bills, but only utilities. Not even food. So now I'm stuck spending the last tiny bit of money left to my name just to eat when that money was supposed to be saved for diapers and every thing else a baby needs. He has comes to terms with his addiction and realizes the financial abyss he has us spirAled into. I'm pretty sure he doesn't care. He lies about everything. I am lost. Someone help me. I haven't talked to anyone about this because I can't have anyone know. His mom tried putting I'm in drug counseling but he refuses to go. He went one time and just told the guy what he wanted to hear. My boyfriend is very smart but has a serious problem. And it isn't just heroin. If heroin didnt exist he would just do something else. He is addicted to drugs more so mentally than physically. He cannot function sober anymore. If he's not high on something, his anxiety is through the roof and he can't handle his own mind. He's been through years of therapy since he was 12, he's 20 now. Every single therapist couldn't help him. He has been institutionalized Nd even they couldn't help him and eventually kicked him out. I don't even know if I'm looking for answers T this point or just a friend. And don't say "kick him out" because if I could have I would have. He pays the bills. Until I deliver the baby I can't get a job, if I can even find one in this economy. I can't live in a house with a baby without the bills paid. Plus I love him I do t want to leave him, I want to help him. :/
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,773
Welcome to SR! You're really putting up with a lot for someone with a baby on the way and a bf who spent all the baby money on drugs.
I won't tell you to throw him since you don't want to but will say I wonder how you're going to make it as his use and lying and hurt spirals even further down the drain.
I won't tell you to throw him since you don't want to but will say I wonder how you're going to make it as his use and lying and hurt spirals even further down the drain. 
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,427
Hi and welcome to SR Desperate 
I actually think that as an expectant mother you have EVERY right to tell the expectant dad that his behaviour is totally unacceptable.
There's not only you to consider now, there's also the baby.
You don't want to hear 'kick him out'...ok I get that - but in that case I'm afraid chances are you will have to prepare yourself for a lot more of the same in the coming months and years... and Desperate I don't think that's fair on you or the baby.
D
I'm not the type of person to tell people what to do with their lives or what they SHOULD be doing, but this began 7 months ago, as soon as we found out I was pregnant. I am now 8 months pregnant and turns out he has himself addicted to heroin. He never took percs. In the past month he has spent over $1000 on heroin and that was all the money we had saved up for our daughter.
There's not only you to consider now, there's also the baby.
You don't want to hear 'kick him out'...ok I get that - but in that case I'm afraid chances are you will have to prepare yourself for a lot more of the same in the coming months and years... and Desperate I don't think that's fair on you or the baby.
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Ontario Oregon
Posts: 5
I can tell you from my own experience that it is only going to get worse, if he is lying to you about everything he will not change, no matter how much you love him or want things to be different. Kick him out, and you will figure out a way for you and your baby. If you don't kick him out you are allowing him to continue his behavior at you and your babies expense. I am sorry to tell you this, but I am 18 months into this issue with my wife, we have a baby and a young child, and I never thought I would be able to raise them without her, but we are far better off without her. It seems impossible but I promise you will figure out a way, maybe he will get a glimpse of what he is losing and come around.
Nothing is impossible!
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: EAGAN
Posts: 792
Originally Posted by Desperate345 
I got together with my boyfriend 2 years ago. He was using every drug in the book at the time. I didn't know. He eventually told me when he stopped everything except weed. Which I didn't mind since I was a weed smoker myself. Well a few months ago he starts becoming distant and clearly high all the time. He told me he was smoking percocets, which he had so I believed him and kind of just let him do his thing. Well every morning he would wake up, puke, and go smoke. He would be smoking in the bathroom all day. I finally convinced I'm to believe how addicted he was and sure enough he woke up one morning so ill he couldn't even smoke because of the continuous vomiting. 3 days later he felt better and was right back at it.
Here's the problem. I'm not the type of person to tell people what to do with their lives or what they SHOULD be doing, but this began 7 months ago, as soon as we found out I was pregnant. I am now 8 months pregnant and turns out he has himself addicted to heroin. He never took percs. In the past month he has spent over $1000 on heroin and that was all the money we had saved up for our daughter. He works 2 days a week and it covers the bills, but only utilities. Not even food. So now I'm stuck spending the last tiny bit of money left to my name just to eat when that money was supposed to be saved for diapers and every thing else a baby needs. He has comes to terms with his addiction and realizes the financial abyss he has us spirAled into. I'm pretty sure he doesn't care. He lies about everything. I am lost. Someone help me. I haven't talked to anyone about this because I can't have anyone know. His mom tried putting I'm in drug counseling but he refuses to go. He went one time and just told the guy what he wanted to hear. My boyfriend is very smart but has a serious problem. And it isn't just heroin. If heroin didnt exist he would just do something else. He is addicted to drugs more so mentally than physically. He cannot function sober anymore. If he's not high on something, his anxiety is through the roof and he can't handle his own mind. He's been through years of therapy since he was 12, he's 20 now. Every single therapist couldn't help him. He has been institutionalized Nd even they couldn't help him and eventually kicked him out. I don't even know if I'm looking for answers T this point or just a friend. And don't say "kick him out" because if I could have I would have. He pays the bills. Until I deliver the baby I can't get a job, if I can even find one in this economy. I can't live in a house with a baby without the bills paid. Plus I love him I do t want to leave him, I want to help him. :/
Here's the problem. I'm not the type of person to tell people what to do with their lives or what they SHOULD be doing, but this began 7 months ago, as soon as we found out I was pregnant. I am now 8 months pregnant and turns out he has himself addicted to heroin. He never took percs. In the past month he has spent over $1000 on heroin and that was all the money we had saved up for our daughter. He works 2 days a week and it covers the bills, but only utilities. Not even food. So now I'm stuck spending the last tiny bit of money left to my name just to eat when that money was supposed to be saved for diapers and every thing else a baby needs. He has comes to terms with his addiction and realizes the financial abyss he has us spirAled into. I'm pretty sure he doesn't care. He lies about everything. I am lost. Someone help me. I haven't talked to anyone about this because I can't have anyone know. His mom tried putting I'm in drug counseling but he refuses to go. He went one time and just told the guy what he wanted to hear. My boyfriend is very smart but has a serious problem. And it isn't just heroin. If heroin didnt exist he would just do something else. He is addicted to drugs more so mentally than physically. He cannot function sober anymore. If he's not high on something, his anxiety is through the roof and he can't handle his own mind. He's been through years of therapy since he was 12, he's 20 now. Every single therapist couldn't help him. He has been institutionalized Nd even they couldn't help him and eventually kicked him out. I don't even know if I'm looking for answers T this point or just a friend. And don't say "kick him out" because if I could have I would have. He pays the bills. Until I deliver the baby I can't get a job, if I can even find one in this economy. I can't live in a house with a baby without the bills paid. Plus I love him I do t want to leave him, I want to help him. :/
By the way, I have never heard of smoking perc? Is that even a real thing?
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Nashville, TN
Posts: 5
Take care of yourself and your baby. If you can handle Al-anon, try it. His addiction/sickness can and will affect you and your unborn child. Be selfish about this...protect you and your child.
I am the child of two alcoholics/addicts and I went to Al-anon and ACOA for about a year and a half at my AA Sponsor's suggestion. It helped my co-dependency issues and my trying to control other people's addictions/actions...which I can't control, and never have been able to.
Your BF is actually in God's hands...whether you or he acknowledge it or not. He will either wake up to reality...or spiral down further. God will help him all that he can...it's up to your BF to accept the help...you can't make him take the help.
Hopefully I'm not being too blunt...but your child and you deserve honesty at this time in you and your child's life.
Good luck and God Bless!
I am the child of two alcoholics/addicts and I went to Al-anon and ACOA for about a year and a half at my AA Sponsor's suggestion. It helped my co-dependency issues and my trying to control other people's addictions/actions...which I can't control, and never have been able to.
Your BF is actually in God's hands...whether you or he acknowledge it or not. He will either wake up to reality...or spiral down further. God will help him all that he can...it's up to your BF to accept the help...you can't make him take the help.
Hopefully I'm not being too blunt...but your child and you deserve honesty at this time in you and your child's life.
Good luck and God Bless!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
Can you leave and apply for aid from the State for now? I would. You r also risking the future of those kids if the state finds out they are being raised by a heroin addict who is not supporting them and neglecting their needs. By staying there u r in a way gonna be at fault too. U do have choices? Hope you make the right one for that baby.
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