Willow3

Hi all. I am 30 with 2 small children who i love dearly. My history with drinking goes back a long way. Alcoholic dad, heavy drinking mother occasionally. Alcohol was so normal in my home environment even after dad left. I always drank more than my friends. Blacked out a lot, couldnt remember things, embarrased myself. Always said i wouldnt do it next time but once i had one it seemed i couldnt stop. I used only d ri nk on nights out. So once or twice a week then i started working once id finished college and i could get through a bottle or two of wine a few nights a week. It was never an everyday thing so i always convinced myself it was ok. I think when it started to hit me i had a problem was when i turned 27 my mother got sick and i started drinking in secret. I would have a glass of wine on the quiet that turned into having a few after work before my husband would get home. I git away with it a few tines but one day he knew and he went mad. He almist never drinks. He was never a fan of my drinking and didnt like drinking with me. He can take or leave a drink and im so jealous. After that time i told him i would give it up but i didnt. But i went back to just having a glass or two of wine on the weekends. This had started to creep up to a bottle again but then found out i was pregnant. Didnt drink a drop while pregnant or breastfeeding and got pregnant again quickly and didnt have a drop then either. Then when my youngest was qbout 3 months i started having the odd glass of wine. Of course this started creeping up to finishing a bottle on my own. Then a few days ago i was buying groceries in the morning and bought wine. It took all of my power not to open that bottle as soon as i got home. Thank god something stopped me and i knew right then i didnt want to end up doing anything that may endanger my babies. I couldnt live with myself.

On day 3 now. No drinking every day isntl my problem. Its the unpredictability and desire fir more that i cant control once i start. I need to do this for my family and that is making me determined.




I have done countless embarrasing things with drink in me in the past as well as dangerous stupid things. I always wanted to be able to enjoy

Hevyn

Welcome to SR willow - it's so good you found us.

That was me, too - once it got in my system there was no telling where it might take me. It became dangerous - and not fun at all in the end. It's great you're taking a look at what alcohol is doing to your life. I wish I'd done it at your age.

Nonsensical

Welcome to SR. Congrats on 3 days sober!

Loads of great information on this site, so make sure you read around in the various forums. Knowledge is empowering!

Willow3

Sorry about typos. Typing from phone.

functionalmess

I'm on day 3 as well. It's challenging and I feel like my head's in a fog today. You sound like a good mother and this disease is exceptional at pervasively working its way back into our lives. I don't know if I'll be successful tomorrow, but right now I am successful. I'm just putting one foot in front of the other right now and that's enough. I suppose in this sense we are taking this walk together...so keep walking and know that others are too.

2granddaughters

Have you or any of your family attended AA meetings, Willow ?? ...

All the best.

Bob R

least

Welcome to the family! You can do this! Have faith in yourself.

Dee74

Hi and welcome willow - theres a lot of support here

D

BayAreaGuy

Thanks for sharing Willow.I'm also on my 3rd day of sobriety. I know exactly what you're going through I'm the exact same type of alcoholic, I don't drink on a daily basis nor do i feel like I need to drink. However when i do drink I usually blackout and become a completely different individual. I always thought that alcoholics where people who needed a drink, then i realized that its actually someone who doesn't have control over the alcohol regardless if we drink once a year or on a daily basis. The thing is we never drink just once a year. I'm really glad that you came here for help, If you work on it, there's no doubt you will be successful. This is my 3rd serious attempt at sobriety, I've always done well until I stopped working on it. As long as you come on here to talk with people or go to AA for support you should have an easier time staying sober. The danger comes when you think you've been "cured" and think you can stop attending meetings or coming here for support. That's always been my downfall. Keep working at staying sober. This is a great 1st step.

DisplacedGRITS

I love how you say not drinking isn't your problem! Me too! Drinking wasn't my problem, it was my answer. To what question? Why, every question! My problem is that I have a problem living sober. For me, the answer to how to live sober is found in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, the fellowship of other sober alcoholics, a relationship of trust with a power greater than myself and the 12 steps of AA. I don't have all the answers. I never will. Running my life by my self will hasn't worked. I am not responsible enough and I get easily frustrated when I can't figure out how to run my life. I have a bad tendency to try to hammer square pegs into round holes only I don't realize what i'm doing.

I get help now by reaching out. My Higher Power often speaks to me through other people. I come here, I go to meetings, I call my sponsor and sobriety sisters and I try to live my life in the principles laid out in the BB. I've some to accept that my life is unmanageable by me. I can't control everything and make things and people do exactly what I want. What I can do is reach out for help and listen to people wiser than I am. That's a lotta people! If I live my life with honesty, openmindedness, humility and willingness, I can stay sober and by truly happy.

Welcome to SR!

Debe5

Willow

I am on day 6. I drank wine when I was your age. I knew that alcoholism is a progressive disease, I told myself I had it under control. In the back of my head I knew better. Here I am in my mid forties. From wine I progressed to vodka and lots of it. I hope you don't waist the next 15 years of your life trying to reason with alcohol. It's not worth it! It will rob you and your family of the joy you deserve. This site has been a godsend for me. I hope when you are my age you will look back and say its been 15 years and 3 days....

Willow3

Thanks so much for all the support. It really is making a difference being on here. So day 6. My test was at the weekend i was offered a glass of wine by a family member and i said no. While 6 days qithout drinking is not abnormal fmr me, turning down wine i dont think has ever happened before.

Im still very motivatrd thankfully.

Debe5

Awesome! I think the weekend was hardest but I made it thru. Baby steps. Just so nice to feel good, have energy, every day. Yesterday my son hurt his finger and had to go to ER. If that had happened in past I may have been too drunk to drive (luckily it never did, but easily could have). I think of the countless times I was irritable, crabby and blamed it on my husband or kids. They, I, We deserve so much more.
Sounds like your a great mom, keep up the good work. I am cheering you on!

Debe5

Day 9! Weekend had a few fleeting moments as I would normally had a drink or ten while doing work around the house. Can tell you I got more accomplished sober and as I feel great this morning will be able to finish my projects. Amusingly enough I am truly a "tea totaller". I drink green, dandelion, hibiscus, add lemon, honey, drink it hot or cold. But NEVER with alcohol. Maybe I will buy myself a new cup every week of sobriety.... Double digits tomorrow!!!