ivehadenoughnow

I use exercise to deal with stress too, is that normal to you? "Handling" stress is perfectly normal, even if it is a normal psychological reaction. If you have decided that stress is a positive thing in your life, then by all means take that approach. For me, I try and reduce it as much as possible.

lessgravity

There will come a time when the only option for you is to cold-a** quit or continue down the road of alcoholism. I only say this b/c you sound exactly like me, almost verbatim.

Hevyn

Hello Ivehadenough. I'm glad you wanted to discuss this.

It was my dream to manage it. To be able to enjoy relaxing with a nice, civilized drink or two. Over the years I tried everything so I wouldn't have to give it up completely. I can't remember a single time that my plan worked. The problem is - all the best of intentions fly out the window after alcohol gets in our system. At least for me they did. I'd have one bottle of wine in the house and be determined that once it was gone that would be it. Every time that bottle was empty, off I'd go to the store for more. It didn't matter how much stress I'd had during the day, or what was going on in my life. My resolve usually left me somewhere between drinks 2 and 3.

We are all different, though. Good discussion.

ivehadenoughnow

I guess I wanted to be realistic about learning to walk before I run. Seemed reasonable to me to reduce as an initial strategy, obviously everyone disagrees. I agree, abstinence is probably the best route. Whichever route I go, I'm not gonna "wing it" which seems to be a general theme here. Didn't most of you plan your sobriety?

Matt

Olive1

"Didn't most of you plan your sobriety?"



I plan not to drink today.

lessgravity

Listen, I don't mean to give you a hard time - and no one here would mean to as well. It's just what you are describing is a means of attacking a deep problem that many of us, if not all, have tried before.

Definitely don't "wing it".

I tried to "plan" like you did - for years. And trust me, very few people in my life would have told me I need to quit - like you (it sounds) I was a high-functioning alcoholic (in great shape, plenty of friends, good at a high-pressure, high level job, good with my family). But if you think there's a problem, there's a problem.

Please don't take my posts, or anyone else's the wrong way - the only thing I care about is being sober and helping other people here too. If I seem aggressive it's only because I see much of myself in your posts.

Look up Rational Recovery if you get a chance, it was a game changer for me.

ippochick

i didn't plan my sobriety. it became imperative once i realised i'd moderated myself to rock bottom.

i hope this doesn't come off as agressive - it's in no way meant to. i would love to be able to control my drinking but the further down the road i went the more i ended up in the ditch. on one occasion, literally! and it still took me another year and a lot more heartache before i had to accept i just can't drink. ever.

ivehadenoughnow

The Triumph of Addiction Recovery in the Breakdown of the Bicameral, Addictive Voice, or, Who Killed Julian Jaynes?

This one?

doggonecarl

Sobriety is a decision. Staying sober (i.e. recovery), that takes a plan.

FatallyUncool

You will find your own path. Posting here and contemplating these things honestly is a good start.

I would love to be able to use in moderation. I can't, but if you can, then maybe you don't have a problem. I LOVE to plan and overplan because it's a good way for me to avoid taking risks, and put off possible pain and failure. That's just me.

I don't know if stress is normal or not, I just wanted to feel good all the time and I used drugs to numb the pain, fear, regrets, etc. I think it's actually ok to feel these things, and I'm starting to learn to respond in other ways than numbing it with a substance.

I see a therapist, attend NA meetings, and post here. I take baths and read to relax. I've also tried new things, like hanging out and spending time with clean people, meditation, and starting karate classes. I also love to run and exercise. Those things are good to fill the time in a healthier way, but the next step for me is learning to cope with the unpleasant feelings when I feel that way, learning why I use in the first place and learning to love myself more.

ivehadenoughnow

Hopefully you could tell that is what I meant. There are temptations, challenges, things that need to be planned to deal with. I'm sure it gets easier as you go, but aside from the obvious being get rid of the booze in the house, what other things did you do to become successful? Seems like such a reasonable question that I'm having a hard time getting answers for. So far I have someone that walks their dog, and someone else that read SR all night until bed time. Anyone else?

lessgravity

These:

Rational Recovery: The New Cure for Substance Addiction: Jack Trimpey: 9780671528584: Amazon.com: Books

https://rational.org/index.php?id=1

lessgravity

I am still at war with my Beast:

The Beast hustles out of his cave on Friday afternoons...

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he's envious of the people sneaking out of work early to have fun at the local spot.

he's daydreaming of a bottle or two to down while I cook dinner tonight.

he's angry and depressed I can't be like other people and feed him the poison he loves.

he tells me a couple glasses of wine with co-workers will give me a sweet, easy buzz before I head home.

he's convinced he can convince me that a drink or 8 on a Friday is ok, I've done so well being sober.

But he's bound for another night of starving, alone, pathetically.

Because the little, devious, myopic, evil, amnesiatic, devil seems to always forget something -

I don't drink.

ippochick

i'm fairly new to this sobriety business, but i think the key is to read, evaluate, try, and find your own path.

that's what i hope will work for me, cos this HAS to stick. don't wait until you're on the brink of losing everything, like i was.

Anna

As you can see, we are a group of people who have learned that stopping drinking is far preferable to moderating drinking. Moderating drinking (or trying to) caused most of us more pain, heartache and stress that we were already dealing with. Stopping drinking frees me of those binds. It frees my mind from the constant obsessing.

veryready

I believe in exercise 100%. If that's your thing, go for it. That is great.

I know some responses can get strong, but most of us here are battling or have battled really hard. We just want to grab everyone in your situation and just shake them and tell them that it is a loosing battle. You need to come to the decision on your own though. You will hear this again, but take what helps you and leave the rest. SR is a big place and you can find what you are looking for here.

tootsl1

I wasted a decade trying to drink in moderation. I know I can't. As for using is to de stress, please do not think this is a personal attack, and forgive me if I am way off base, but a couple of times you have mentioned coming home to a stressed wife, does she join you in the wine? If not how does she de stress. Do you share your issues? I feel that from what you are saying, you like to be in control, and because of this, believe you ought to be able to control your drinking. Fine if you are not addicted, not really possible long term if you are. But what is your home life like? Does your wife support you? Do you understand her stress? Do you spend value time together? Do you connect with the kids when you get home? Perhaps your stress relievers are already around you, you are just seeing them as stress providers instead?

fantail

Early on, yoga was my saving grace. I'd do two hours a day sometimes. There's a fair amount of scientific evidence that suggests it works on GABA in the brain, as drinking does. I definitely have found that I could tell the difference between yoga and other forms of exercise in terms of its effect on my stress levels.

A few months in I don't have to do yoga every day to feel good. I still do it several times a week, but now I've also picked up other hobbies and social events that keep me busy. I've gotten much better at reading my moods and figuring out when I'd benefit from going out, when I'd do better to stay in with a book, and so on and so forth.

ivehadenoughnow

That was my plan initially was put the kids down, go in garage, treadmill it, then shower off. By that time I had no interest in it. I was pretty consistent, hurt my knee from too much running, stopped exercising, mine as well drink wine instead? Wife hurt her foot so she joined in some too. Just got too common, has to stop. Just got a text from wife about how stressed she is, barking orders, etc. I can't handle being in that environment where wife is grumpy all the time and pulls us all in with her. Some people could care less what their spouses mood is like, but not me, it takes me from 0-60 in 5 mins. Big problem that I'm trying to resolve internally.

ivehadenoughnow

I think I understand her stress, but I don't I guess I feel like it doesn't have to be that way. Houses get lived in, kids don't listen some times, dishes get dirty, carpet gets spilled on, laundry never stops, that is life. I feel like I've stepped up so much to relieve her stressors, yet it never helps, in fact it is getting worse. Lately she has joined me cause she hurt her foot so I have a "wine buddy." We had a rough patch 2 years ago and we are doing really well now, date twice a week, I adore my children and have a wonderful relationship with them. Her stress is at an all time high and I don't know how to help her any more than I am, and I can't handle it.