Grungehead

Hi everyone!

I have not been myself the last few days. I have had this "feeling" and I can't seem to find the words to describe it. I have been reading the threads like I normally do and when I try to post a response I can't seem to find the right words to express what I am thinking.

I feel fine. I met with my sponsor for our weekly one on one session on Wednesday. I have been to 3 meetings in the last 3 days. I haven't had a drink. I haven't craved a drink.

I HAVE put a lot more into my sobriety this time than in previous attempts. I am going to meetings regularly. I am getting there early and staying late. I am helping clean up after the meetings. I have a sponsor this time and we are actually starting to work the steps together. I am being more honest with myself as well as others. I am using this site to share my thoughts and try to help others.

I feel like I am learning more this time, about myself, about the program of AA, about my disease. And it seems like the more I am learning the less I realize I know! While it's not really an uncomfortable feeling it is a bit unsettling. I have been in and out of recovery for 23 years (14 of those years sober) and I thought I knew a lot more than I think I do now. I'm starting to question myself more and I'm even hesitating to post my experiences or share in meetings.

Part of me is worried and wondering if something is wrong that I am not consciously aware of, while part of me feels at peace with the feeling. I guess I will just go with it for now...I just needed to put this down in words. It's really odd though...I hope I'm not going insane LOL!

heyitsme

Grunge - I do the same thing. I'll read posts, and I will want to respond. I have the answer all planned out in my head, but for some reason it doesn't always translate well into typing!

Keep posting, and responding... and believe me, when you think that you have written something that only you will understand. You haven't... I think we all get that way!

fantail

I think whenever we're learning a lot we go through periods where we are kind of processing all the new information under the surface. I usually find when I feel that way that after a little time passes I suddenly have some kind of new level of awareness that came from all that work.

I wouldn't worry... it sounds like a good thing to me.

Dee74

Change is good...moving from the old into the new...there's a transition phase always...like those tentative first steps all over again

you're doing fine GH

D

GracieLou

It sounds like you and I are in the same place. You are not insane.

I think what you are having is a time of reflection. I have them too. It seems like a period of time, sometimes for a couple days to a week, that I just sit back and soak it all up.

My emotions and thoughts differ. Not bad thoughts and not an emotional roller coaster just thinking thoughts, reflective thoughts. At these times I get new ideas or old ones I have been struggling with become clear.

I think these are good times to sort out everything we have been going through. A mental pause. Not backward and not forward. I too feel at peace during these times but they can make you feel a little stagnate, which I don't really like that word. It suggests that nothing is moving when in fact it is.

For me it is a pause towards the next step. Either one of the 12 steps or just an emotional maturity step. At times it seems all my immature thoughts and my reactions to them are being replaced with mature ones and at times at a faster rate then I am ready for.

I think this time of reflection is my time to well, reflect. I also feel unsure of which way I am deciding to go so I have a hard time expressing myself and sharing.

instant

I think healing takes longer than withdrawing. There are phases and periods. I just went through one lasting a few weeks "for no reason". Things roll around and work themselves out. My main way of getting through is to stay the course, focus on accepting rather than overthinking and reacting. It works.

sugarbear1

Have you gotten to step 7 yet?

Freedom and relief await you if you haven't yet worked these steps.

Feeling comfortable is uncomfortable when it starts to settle within us.

Feeling comfortable is new. I know I even found reasons to create anxiety in my life when I began to feel comfortable in my own life. I had to stop doing that, but changing old habits of behaving takes some time. Today I can stop creating my own anxiety fairly quickly.

Stay strong, stay stopped, and keep moving forward!

Grungehead

Thanks you guys for the great responses, I got a lot out of them. Then I fell asleep at the wheel getting ready to watch the movie "Flight" that we were discussing on the Alcoholism forum. Just woke up LOL

Time to go back to sleep now. See you guys later.

soberclover

I think it is a transition "thing". Maybe you are shedding your skin like a snake does...lol! I like how you are continuing to take care of yourself...so key.

2granddaughters

Grunge ... you are being restored to sanity !! You are experiencing GROWTH (notice there is an "OW" in the middle of growth)

I have been where you are numerous times. It is rather unsettling in the beginning. Ask your sponsor and the oldtimers in your group how you are doing, they'll set your mind at ease. Stay on the AA beam with your sponsor and the oldtimers in faith & trust. You are learning to breath underwater.

Welcome to becoming the new you !

All the best.

Bob R

Nighthawk8820

Google PAWS, because I think you are experiencing it. Its a normal part of recovery, and the symptoms or feelings with pass.

Threshold

Thanks, I NEEDED to see this today. I need to know my "ow" is part of something bigger.