Living

I can talk and offer advice to all, but today I cannot live it. I fell off the wagon today. Last night between my daughter and friend along with pain I caused my family, I am useless. Trying my best to type LOL. Love you all.

GroundhogDay

I'm so sorry. Drink some water and go to sleep. Tomorrow is a new day and a chance to put a better recovery plan in place. We will be here for you.

AugustWest11

At work so will be short. All you can do is muster the strength & keep tryin'.. I was there all last week so I know what alet down this is. But tomorrow is a new day. Good luck :-)

IWillWin

You are not a failure. You are a fighter.

Pick yourself up, dust off, and get right back at it.

You are only a failure if you stop trying.

raku

I 've been falling for several weeks now...embarassed to go to AA again. Shame's a killer,
keeps us hidden away from receiving help.
raku

Living

Thank you all an trying to type. I am going to try and get some sleep. It will get better. So So tired.

Ptcapote

You are NOT a failure. Many, many of us have been there and got back up and started again. That is strength, admitting you slipped and being willing to get back on the horse. There is no failure in this except maybe giving up completely. And I don't think you'd be here if that's what you were doing.

Second thought, and I hope you don't take this wrong but it crossed my mind a few times reading your posts last night. Re your friend: you can only take care of YOU right now. And probably for a good, long while. There is no way in hell I could help another addict right now even with four plus months behind me. No way. All I would be doing was waving a big red flag in front of my sobriety. I know that you trying to help was coming from a very good place and you are an awesome friend for that, seriously.

But I think I have read on here plenty of times and I know my sponsor says it to me constantly: There is a time to BE SELFISH. It doesn't mean cruel, it just means not messing yourself up for someone else. You have to come first here.

This is your LIFE, Living. When you get some good sober time under your belt than maybe you can help others but right now? You need to focus on YOU. I know your kid is a different story but, in the future, try to stay away from helping other addicts until you clear that hurdle a bit more yourself.

Just my two cents.

You are brave and strong and obviously have a very good heart. You'll do this. We're here for you always. Tomorrow is Day One. See you here?

Pondlady

I'm pretty sure there's no shame in going back to AA....they understand and so do we. Get some rest, tomorrow is a new day....day one

Pondlady

Opps...think I responded to raku and not the OP. To the OP, get some rest

Dee74

don't make the mistake of confusing yourself and your alcoholism.

You have more work to do to make this work, that's all - you're not a failure any more than anyone else here is.

Get some rest...take care of yourself. Tomorrows another day.

D

Iwanttobebetter

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be,
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance,
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeoning of chance,
My head is bloody but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears,
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall, find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Invictus by William Ernest Henley

Steven567

Hey Living,

Sorry to hear that, dont blame yourself instead try to think about what you can do to make tomorrow a better day for you. Well are or have been down this road and are here to listen. Im confident the days ahead will be better for you. Let us know how things turn out.

Nighthawk8820

You either want this or you dont. How bad do you want out of this life you are in now? You can make the change, but you have to throw your entire self into it, and make no excuses. Be honest with yourself, and everyone around you. If you need outside help, then go get it, but dont let the fear of the unknown hold you back. I have faith in you, but the rest is up to you.

upandup

I had a few false starts with sobriety too, Living. I tried to help someone in January and relapsed. It wasn't as simple as just that, it never is, but I had to make some serious changes in order to commit to sobriety. We're pulling for you!

Michael66

Keeping you in prayer Living.

Be gentle with yourself - you are precious.

trikyriky

Living , I sent you a pm. When you wake , know that you are in my prayers . Go be the best animal nurse you can , and they willl be so lucky to have you

Nuudawn

People do not drown by simply falling into the water, they drown by staying down. You are here posting...so you are not completely defeated. Stay with us..don't give up. You are not defined by your last choice...you are defined by your next one. Stay fighting..try, try, try again.

Living

Awake and feeling physically like crap. Today is a fresh day and I did get some sleep. Thank you all for the support. NO MORE POISON FOR ME! That is my motto. Yes, I slipped and Yes I will not do it today and hopefully not tomorrow.

Again, Thank You!

Iwanttobebetter

Hang in there! It can only get better from here

Learn2loveme

Thank you for this post. I am feeling miserable. Sober for 10 months last year for the first time in a quarter of a century. Then I thought I could handle it again. Well, almost a year later, it DID get worse. Now I am physically dependent and have to face withdraw again - the sleepless nights, the craving, the embarrassment, the shame. Reading this has given me hope.