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Losing my family

Old 06-20-2013, 12:58 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I'm so sorry to hear about this. It scares me because I know I'm not far from where you ended up... Everytime I have relapsed I have lost something or someone very dear yet I STILL have those days where I think of a drink or a drug. Cunning, baffling and powerful, as they say.... I can't offer any advice you've likely not been given at this point, but I offer my support and just want to reach out to you and let you know that you are NOT alone. Also, as the daughter of an alcoholic father who is also trying to get sober and who also recently watched his wife (my mother) leave after 30 years all I can say is that I know your little girl loves you, like I love my dad. As an adult I am full of forgiveness and sympathy for him and I know that his demons were really eating him up all his life but he did his best and I can't fault him for most of it. At least you are still going to be in her life like my dad is in my life. And at least you are trying to beat this; its admirable that you have not given up. If my fiancée and baby boy were gone I don't know what I would do... I don't know if I would be as strong as you. I hope things get better. I know you can stay sober, especially if you did before. You know what to do.

Hugs and prayers.
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Old 06-20-2013, 01:00 PM
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cascademn, I've got an appointment to see a psychiatrist at the beginning of next month, and I've hooked back up with one of my old counselors from when I went through rehab a couple of times. Great lady, if also an unforgiving and straightforward one. And you're totally right, it's so hard to lay it out there, to let it go, to really let someone else help you deal with what's going on inside you. I suppress and internalize and keep all my stuff to myself, always have...but this is just too much, I definitely need help with it and I appreciate you suggesting a solution.

--Fenris.
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Old 06-20-2013, 01:03 PM
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Fenris, I am so sorry for what you are going through just now. I left my first husband through his drinking, I needed to leave for my own survival, but the hurt and guilt I felt at the pain I caused him was horrible. In recent months I have put myself in a similar situation, by owning up to my husband about my alcoholism. Now, if I do not stay clean, he may well walk, that is a big motivator for me. I know how easy it is for that voice to lure us back in, but I know now, that I can never listen to it. You have a child together, there will be contact. Who knows what may happen in the future if you manage your sobriety now. I wish you all the best my friend, having seen it from both sides, it is equally painful.
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Old 06-20-2013, 01:12 PM
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BabyJane...thank you so much. Honestly, you made me cry. I don't know what I'm going to do not being able to see my little girl every day, but hearing you tell about how you love your father....I am very grateful for the reassurance, for the hope. Thank you for your support.
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Old 06-20-2013, 01:15 PM
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Great lady, if also an unforgiving and straightforward one
Yeah, that's the best kind. Otherwise, the addict will just try to play him or her. Until I was ready to let go, then my therapist could not help me. I'm really glad you have some support around you.
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Old 06-20-2013, 03:19 PM
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I'm really sorry to hear this Fenris.
Remember there's always a spot for you here for support through all this.

D
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Old 06-20-2013, 04:48 PM
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Yes, it's amazing how we can lose ourselves in other people who basically do not or cannot give us support. Therefore it is our own responsibility to do the next right thing and take care of ourselves. Unfortunately those who are nearest and dearest to us haven't a clue. We must seek out those who bring us positive feedback and just let the ones you'd think would be there for us in times of turmoil behind. And not to abandon those people but just to take care of ourselves.
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Old 06-20-2013, 05:05 PM
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Hello Fenris. It's very good to have you join us. I'm so sorry for the painful circumstances.

Everyone has said helpful things already - I'd just like to add my concern and caring to theirs. My heart goes out to you for what's happened. You have friends here who truly understand what you're going through. I'm glad you reached out for some support. Please continue to let us know how you're doing.
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Old 06-20-2013, 05:26 PM
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stay sober no matter what

Originally Posted by Fenris View Post

the most important thing to me is finally walking out the door.
I'm sorry to hear that
I threw many a good relationship away in my day
they gave me a choice and I chose the bottle

please don't make it worse
be sure to keep working your job

she may come back in time
but
most important for you to stay sober no matter what happens
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Old 06-20-2013, 05:45 PM
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Fenris, I really am sorry to hear your story. I know how crazy this disease is and that it tries to take away everything of value in our lives.

I hope you continue to post and read here and I'm glad you're seeking support.
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Old 06-20-2013, 06:06 PM
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Fenris, so sorry to hear about the relapse and loss of your family. (been there done that), but glad to hear you chose sobriety again, are in a program, getting psych help, and posting here.

hugs
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Old 06-20-2013, 06:07 PM
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I'm sorry for your pain Ferris; I'm sure it is incredibly tough. Give yourself some time, and then focus on what you can do to make your future better. At the very least, focus on what you can do to keep a good relationship with your daughter.
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Old 06-20-2013, 09:50 PM
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Originally Posted by Fenris View Post
Just typing the name of this thread is enough to bring me to the verge of tears. I was sober for over a year until I made the horrible decision to drink again. As a consequence, my wife of ten years is taking our daughter and leaving me. I guess I mean this as a cautionary tale. I thought I was okay, that my sobriety was secure, and my life was getting better because of being sober. But I slipped once, and kept slipping and after a second DUI, after nearly losing my job, after many a night of adding to the pile of pain that I'd already heaped on my family, the most important thing to me is finally walking out the door.

I've been sober eight days now. It's too little, too late.

--Fenris.
Its never too late!!! Trust is a hard thing to earn back, especially if you have burned the people closest to you more than a few times. It can be done though, and as they say..........actions always speak louder than words. Make a plan, focus on yourself and healing, learn, grow, and then you will be surprised how things tend to fall into place (in a good way). Will they come back? I have no idea, but I do know you will be in a better place and who knows what other amazing things life may have in store for you. All you have to do now is rise to the occasion.
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Old 06-20-2013, 11:05 PM
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Fenris I'm so sorry that this has happened to you but thank you for your cautionary post. I'm at just over 100 days and just recently AV, who has been remarkably quiet until now, has started muttering that I can now moderate and have "just one or two". Why I would have just one or two when that wasn't possible before I don't know but I've slammed him out of my ear thanks to you.

I hope that you'll keep working on your sobriety for yourself and your daughter's future.
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