workoholic

Hi everyone!
I discovered this forum a few days ago. Now I have set up an account and a dedicated emailaddress for it.

I've realised that I have a problem with alcohol. It started about 2,5 years ago when I became gravely frustrated over my current job and how I believe I was mistreated and unfairly (un)rewarded for my hard work. I have struggled hard all my life to get to where I am in my career and my private life didnt even get the backseat, I chucked it in the trunk. My job is everything to me. 2,5 years ago I started what I call "recreational drinking". At first I stopped at the pub after a long day at work. Angry, hungry and thirsty I ordered a few pints of beer and ale and had something to eat. This progressed into buying bottles of wine and later spirits to consume at home after work at progressively higher doses. It has gotten to the point that I can consume about 2/3 of a bottle of whisky or vodka almost daily. Sometimes I just drink very little so on average a daily consumption of about 1/2 bottle of whisky over the last year. Now I finally understand what's going on having gained almost 30 pounds over the last 3 years, none of it muscle and missed occassional work days. My current boss asked me recently if I am feeling alright and I replied that I've had some tough times in my private life. I am scared now of what will happen to me if I don't stop this vicious circle. I have since I started this recreational drinking changed jobs to a much better one where I feel stimulated and every day I learn new things. I have to stop before I make a mess of my job and that's why I looked for help and found you.

Now you know my background to drinking.
This weekend I will attend an important family event involving party, speeches and alcohol. Social drinking is not my main problem, in company of others I restrain myself from drinking myself drunk, usually stop just after tipsy even though it takes a fair amount of drinks since I have been drinking at home for a few years now. Only on rare occassions have I had too much and fallen over after a very wild party. (when a friend abroad got married)

What is your experience of social drinking, is it at all possible to keep doing that occassionally under the supervision of ones peers and still refrain from drinking alone? I have a feeling it probably won't work, social drinking will tempt me to drink at home too. I am in a stage where I am dependent on a psychological level and I have found myself buying alcohol even though I don't want to have at home "just in case of I don't know what". And it is always the last bottle I buy.

I need to stop even if it means drinking mineral water at parties.
I just wish I could keep to careful alcohol consumption at parties without losing control at home. But right now I need to stop entirely if need be to prevent anything going wrong with my job and perhaps do something about my private life which is quite minimal. If I am asked why no alcohol I will say that I am trying to lose weight, that is part of the truth after all.

/workoholic

Lifebeginsat41

Hi workoholic and welcome to SR

You ask if you think it is possible to drink socially without going back to daily home drinking. For me the answer is No. For every alcoholic the answer is No. And I think you know what the answer is for you too.

It sounds like you're in a good place at work and want to translate that good place into your personal life by being sober.

Social occasions where 'everyone' drinks are scary at first when you're not drinking, but it's not really a big deal to others whether we drink or not & losing weight is the perfect reason to not drink at the event!

Good luck on your journey and it helps me to remember that all I am doing is not having a drink today.

GreenEggsAndHam

Welcome!

For me, I've tried that umpteen times and always go back to drinking at home, or looking for reasons to be out 6 nights a week "socializing."

Olive1

Ahh, the eternal pipe-dream of every alcoholic......to be able to drink socially.

I am an alcoholic, and for me it is not, and will never be possible.

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Workoholic

I had similar questions to you at one point about drinking socially. My drinking wasn't a problem socially, at that time, but I forgot that I used to drink out of control socially when I was younger which was one of the reasons why I started hiding my drinking, to avoid that. I strongly suspected that if I just quit drinking at home then my social drinking would become uncontrollable again. Besides which I did 'try' to quit drinking at home for years and got nowhere. Do you have a plan for quitting yet? You'll find lots of support here anyhoo x

Debe5

I am only 5 days sober. I can totally relate to your story. I can drink socially and other than a few "minor" slips my friends have no clue. But when home I am out of control. I have gained almost the same weight over the last few years. I used to eat healthy and consistently exercise. I have spent years battling with myself over alcohol. I knew. I knew. I knew. I finally had this epiphany that I was "reasoning" my life away. I finally realized that if I kept trying to figure out how to keep alcohol in my life I would spend my days thinking about and revolving my life around when I would get to drink again. So essentially alcohol would always be in control. I have myself a goal of a month to see how much not drinking would change my life. That seemed realistic (although 2 days was more realistic). I won't need the month, I have seen a glimmer of how much better, peaceful, and productive my life can be. I have seen glimmers of the old me. it has been such a relief to talk to others who understand. Sending support your way. Find all the joy you can in today:-)

SnwFlower

Welcome to SR Workoholic. You've found a great forum that provides honesty, support and encouragement around sobriety. Thanks so much for sharing your story. I can relate as I started drinking at home after my job became unbearably stressful. Eventually it became a necessity, and, that drink eventually became an entire bottle to two bottles of wine per night. I rarely drank much in public, in fact I always had a 2 drink maximum cut-off, however once I got home, I had to drink. I tried to moderate the home drinking on more occasions than I can count. I even started buying half bottles so I could only have 2 glasses, but once that was gone, I just made a late night run to the store for more. I found that moderation was impossible for me. It's actually MUCH easier for me to cut out alcohol completely than to cut back. Now at nearly 5 months sober, I've seen numerous improvements in my health, including a 17 pound weight loss, and no more depression. I feel better than I have in several years.

I drink mineral water and ice-tea instead, and it's actually very enjoyable.

What have you thought about as a plan for quitting?

least

to the family! You'll feel better sober and have far fewer regrets as you get older. You can do this!

workoholic

Thank you for so many fast replies!
Debe5 and snwFlower especially as your stories are similar to mine of drinking secretly at home and being moderate when in public. I also tried moderating with smaller bottles but quite often went to the gas station later to get a few cans of beer.
I haven't been able to take action yet but I suppose I will start this weekend with a public display of moderation or total sobriety. Then it is a matter of stopping drinking at all in social occassions, I think I need to stop entirely. The most important and difficult will be not drinking at home after work to "wind down". I have found that exercise and a helping of non prescription Valeriana extract herbal medicine does help abit. Other than that I need to make sure I keep doing things to keep my mind off alcohol.
I will try to spend more time with my friends, none of which have my sort of problem and some that dont drink at all.

Edit/P.S:
What are your experiences of how others react to you abstaining completely from alcohol at parties and similar occassions. I have my weight loss excuse but I worry abit nonetheless. I guess that is some of my underlying anxiety that probably has gotten worse rather than better from drinking.

hypochondriac

Try not to worry too much about that Workaholic. I was a secret drinker and when I quit I was so paranoid around other people and what they thought. I would offer excuses but the truth is that no one really cares if you drink or not. It may seem that way, especially when people give you a hard time, but really your sobriety doesn't effect them. Just say no thanks and stay confident x

tootsl1

Workaholic, I wanted so badly to be able to drink socially, that for 10 years I continued hiccuping down the road of alcoholism. I'm not saying it can't be managed, only that I couldn't. I now accept I will never drink again. Most of my friends and family didn't bat an eyelid when I started drinking fizzy water instead of buckets of wine.

SnwFlower

I've actually limited and changed a lot of my social activities that involve alcohol. However, when I've been out to dinner with my friends, I've been pleasantly surprised that there's usually one other who has also given up alcohol. My sobriety has also encouraged a couple of friends to think about quitting. I haven't preached about it, I just order non-alcohol things like ice-tea or sparkling water. When I'm asked about it, I tell them I'm getting healthier and I've cut it out of my diet. I am all together feeling and looking much healthier, so that's also a good encouragement. Other than that, I don't talk about it much.

I think we have two ways of looking at it in a social situation: One is to feel like an odd-ball and allow peer pressure judgement to effect us, or the other is to feel strong and solid and trust in our decision. I anticipate that there will always be someone saying a stupid comment about me not drinking, but they usually have someone tacky to say about anything anyways, so I just ignore them. I've actually always admired those who took the healthy road and said, "No thanks, I don't drink." If feels good now that I can proudly say that too!

Soberpotamus

I don't have much to add to these great responses you've already received... other than to recommend a tasty non-alch drink. Cranberry juice mixed with seltzer and a twist of lime, on the rocks. That's a great drink to have in your hand at some of the upcoming social events you mentioned. I mix all kinds of fruit juices with sparkling water and pour over crushed ice. Good stuff

weldmast

Hello workaholic. Sounds all very familiar to me. Test yourself - if you take one drink, do you have to have another, and another etc? That the danger sign, because if you literally can't stop at one drink, you have got a deeper alcohol problem. I drank heavily for 15 years, and what shocked me finally was my inability to stop once started. So where's the enjoyment in that?
I can tell you from positive experience that liberty is not drinking, and you get to a point fairly quickly where it moves out of the centre of your life and you don't need it. But bondage is having to have a drinks because your captured by it and can't resist.
I've started a small website which tells my story of how I quit the drink. I'm not sure if this form allows a link to it, but I'll try: alcoholhelper (dot) org
Perhaps it might help a bit. Also "How I Beat Alcohol Addiction"[YT]

workoholic

Thank you for your comforting replies. I feel the friendliness and how welcoming this community is. It is relieving to hear that sobriety isn't very strange in the eyes of your peers who can drink and leave it behind them the next day. Thinking about it, I have a female friend that never drinks alcohol even when she drags me out for dancing. (she's very kind doing that although I always feel reluctant) My goal is to be sober and yet have a great time with my friends who can drink without sufffering like I/we do. I understand my weakness and I will fight it, if I cannot have "just a drink" I will quit entirely.
This big family event I mentioned in my first post is actually the wedding of my sister and I am to hold a short speech for the dinner, I am so happy for her and her husband to be.

fantail

I will just echo what others here said... the only people who really noticed that I stopped drinking were my close friends, and even they were only mildly inquisitive. Most people don't even notice if I'm drinking or not. (I've had friendly people at parties say things like, "careful getting home!" because they just assume if they're drinking everyone is).

Anyway, it took a little while, but with practice I now usually feel fine being around people who are drinking. I've just always made a rule for myself that if I'm feeling uncomfortable/tempted enough that I might actually order a drink, I have to go home.

It helped at the beginning making sure that I'd mentioned to a few people at each event that I wasn't drinking... that would use my "what will others think?" fear in a positive way, to keep me in line.

MIRecovery

I've come to the conclusion that I can never drink like normal people so the only choice I have its not drink at all. Every time I've gotten into the ring with King alcohol I've got the crap out of me so I gave up the fight I'm never going to win

nigey1

Don't know about you workaholic but I drank to get really drunk.

Social drinking was just a little primer to get going. Took me 20 years to admit you don't have to drink socially, it's just a BS excuse ......

I have found the integrity and self respect of admitting this to myself and taking my own personal stand against it (without being preachy or judgmental to others) is worth more to me now than any drunk high I ever got.

For me, if I can do what I know deep down is right in this area of my life then it seems to transfer over to other areas.

Welcome to the counter culture.

Dee74

welcome workaholic

It was never possible for me no. In fact as the years wore on, it was often not possible for me to control myself in social situations.

Believe it or not, the vast majority of people don't care what I do

The only ones who ever have any trouble are the old drinking buddies, or those who used to rely on me to provide 'cover' for their own drinking.

I don't even bother with excuses now. No thanks is all that's really required

D

wiscsober

Workoholic

SR is an integral part of my recovery with alcoholism and addictions. And, as a friend and family member of addicted people.

You got a lot of advice which is already best said....I'd just add

As far as what people think if I was drinking or not....

What people think of me is none of my business

Peace to you