Nuudawn

Addiction warps our brain. I remember when my sister first quit smoking she said "you know, if I won millions in the lottery, I don't think I would really be that happy about it because I couldn't smoke". Only addiction understands that statement.. Given the same smoking analogy, I remember thinking I would never be able to drive anywhere ore enjoy road trips because I couldn't smoke. I like driving better now because I'm just driving..and it's relaxing because something isn't always nagging with a question "shouldn't you be doing something? change radio station? look for your lighter? have a smoke""
Similar with drinking..it's your addiction that can't imagine life/fun/relaxation/ without alcohol. I'm pretty newly sober but I actually worried about whether I would find the motivation to even DO laundry without drinking..let alone having fun with anything.

Our brains adjusts and as another poster refers to...life returns to living colour

GreenEggsAndHam

Really looking forward to the day where my next drink does not consume my thoughts.

And believe me, I know it's sad. I've been/done even sadder, I'm ashamed to say.

lessgravity

The thing is about drinking is that it only feeds itself - it is a suck on every other aspect of your life that has the possibility to bring you satisfaction, peace, comfort, not mention fun.

Life isn't always fun, and it is often uncomfortable, anxiety-ridden, unfair and boring.

But drinking makes it all about one thing - drinking.

There's a life that is waiting for you, I know there is one for me, where when we wake up in the morning just being alive, and sober, and not in the crux of another painful hangover, and the day ahead, filled with either pleasure or pain or ennui or joy, is just a day and one that is ours - not the Beast's, not the poisons, not one where our demon is waiting behind us, laughing at last night's sad dip into the pleasure of another blackout.

You can do it. You just have to do it.

Wishing you the best.

totfit

Our perception of things and reality are two different things. We perceive that we can't have fun without drinking and that drinking is fun. Recreation and leisure or "fun" are an inherent part of life. If we get to the point that we must drink to have "fun", then there is an issue with alcohol and our life. I thought drinking was fun, though I often could not remember the fun.

The reality for me was that I needed to be away from alcohol and fully detoxed, then for a while force myself to do things again. After a while I discovered that the reality was that I could not have fun drinking and that it really only interfered. I found that there were many fascinating things in life and I just needed to pursue them instead of reaching into the cooler for my fun. Life gives us boundless opportunity for joy. I found after a while that there was too much for me to do to be chained to a bottle. For me this is only possible with abstinence. Your mileage may vary, though I suspect..........

BabyJane

It is possible but it took a while for me, especially given that I was only 25 years old when I first tried sobriety and ALL my friends and family were still drinking a lot and into parties. I learned to avoid certain places and people when the liquor was flowing; too much temptation and too much drama. The things I enjoy doing now and consider fun are different because I write more, I paint, I love a good classic novel... As for vacations, I love to scuba dive and hike so I choose to visit places where I can do those things so I know I will stay busy and not think about drugs and alcohol as much. Give it time though. Be willing to deal with some slight discomfort and you will come out with a great reward. For me it was getting to know myself and learning what hobbies and activities I really love instead of just being **** drunk on every trip. Plus, you will remember these events instead of being told about things later or looking at pictures to try and piece it together! That's sure nice!

Hang in there!

weldmast

What you are finding I think is that you actually believe you need alcohol to have a happy time. I can relate to that. As addiction increases you structure your life around alcohol, and when and where the next drink will come from. From a social drink it becomes a habit, then a way of life and a tyrant. And you find yourself in bondage to it. The upside is that when you quit, that power to keep you in bondage to your (by now, very small)world gets broken. A free person is one who can make life choices and judgments without looking over his shoulder at the past.
I can assure you that the going gets easier after 3 months, and at 12 months the pull has almost gone. I've not drunk for 13 years now and I don't regret it a bit. You actually start to notice that heavy drinking doesn't solve anything, and the sooner you quit the better. One word of warning - if you are or have been an alcoholic, and have quit, then you go back to drink, you done go back a little way, for within 2 weeks you're right back to the level at which you quit. It's that ruthless and cruel.
I have booze in my house for when we have visitors but I can happily pour it out without a tremor of a fear that I'll be tempted again. I can stand the smell, but I will tell you this. If I was to take just one glass, I'd be straight back on it again.
Sorry it's a long haul. Don't look beyond today when cutting out drink, then another day, then a week and so on - and never brood on it or obsess about it because the thought of relapsing," just for one drink" can become almost overwhelming.

tootsl1

Last weekend hubby and I went out for a meal and had tickets to see a comedian we like. We sat 2 seats from the end and as the woman sat down she said ' great, we can make a quick exit at the interval and be first to the bar' after the interval, they brought their drinks back into the theatre for the rest of the show. I felt sad. Sad for her, and sad for the me that was her 3 months ago. I genuinely hated to consider any activity that couldn't include alcohol.
Well, that night the meal was lovely( sober) and the comedian had me hooting with laughter. I had an amazing night out, a wonderful sober memory.

GreenEggsAndHam

I'm glad others know how I feel at this stage and thank you for reassuring me that it is possible.

I went to my second AA meeting tonight and, don't you know, this is something someone talked about! How he wouldn't do anything unless it involved alcohol, and if no alcohol was involved, he would cut it as short as possible. It was like divine intervention. :~p

neferkamichael

Yes you can have fun without alcohol and your thoughts about alcohol will subside with time.

fulminouscherub

I can certainly identify with drinking becoming main and eventually the only thing in my life. Thank goodness for all that pain. It finally inspired me to change.

Something I found useful and motivating was to find something else I wanted to do that I didn't associate with drinking. I joined a local hiking club and started going every week. Started doing long hikes. Backpacking.

This inspired me to try other things, too. Bought a bike. Went back to school. Etc.

AA is extremely useful for this, too. Meetings are my other non-drinking hobby.

Skyjumper

Thanks for the post OP and everyone else for the replies. Every once in a while I come across a post that's a dead bull's eye, and this was one of those for me. It's like "YES! That's me! I'm not alone!"

Good luck OP, see you on rides.

Nighthawk8820

Its just the addiction talking. I have WAY more fun now, and I am present mentally to actually enjoy it, remember it, and live in the moment. Think of it like this, I didnt have my first drink until I was 17......so there were 17 years of my life before that I never drank, and I had plenty of fun. Alcohol limits the fun you can have, but you will never see that if you listen to the addiction that is screaming in your head.

Leshar

Well, I don't know about others but I relapsed at 41 days. Had been doing well, but at about the 30 day mark, I began to feel depressed, hopeless, it got worse, to the point of relapse. I just don't feel any sense of fun, hopefulness about the future. Have had a week of to-ing and fro-ing drinking, don't know who I am, what to do, I wonder if I trust that it will be worth it.

nomis

This reminds me of the time I took a vacation to Tokyo and went to Disneyland there. Went on a few rides in the morning, then decided it was time for lunch. When I realized the park was alcohol free I suddenly lost complete interest in being there and promptly left with girlfriend (future wife).

So I can totally relate. One thing people in Asia love to ask foreigners when practicing their English is "What are your hobbies?". And the sad truth was I didn't have any aside from drinking. That was the only thing I considered worthwhile to do in my free time and if an activity didn't include that then I simply wasn't interested.

Now with a little bit of sober time under my belt I realize how warped my thinking was. Alcohol stopped me from having fun in life, from really enjoying life.

wvuwhat

You're married. How is that not a good thing? I had to return my ring.... God Damn, just enjoy life...

Nighthawk8820

You will never find out, especially with just a month of trying. It takes time. You have drank for how long? How can you expect things to turn around magically in 1 single month? Its not possible that quickly and if anyone thinks that is how it works, then you will be disappointed. That being said, the good aspects will come, and for me, they blew my mind. It became a joy to wake up, because I was so excited about everything happening. I couldn't wait to see what was going to happen next or what obstacle I could overcome, that I used to think impossible. I had to pay the piper though to get to that point. Lord knows I put in the work and tested my patience beyond my comfort zone. The first 3 months moved slow, and I didnt see amazing changes right away, but I knew I wanted more from life, so I rode it out. Most things worthwhile in life, take time, hard work, and determination. Sobriety is no different.

pinkgate

Such a helpful topic. My last vacation should have been super fabulous. Circumstantially it was. Except in my mind, it fell short, and it's only my fault, because I was not present enough to enjoy it fully and instead I was busy chasing when the next drink was and the next one after that, etc. I had a similar vacation a couple years prior, before the drinking escalated, and it was truly wonderful. But this time I just had too much focus on when I was going to be able to "have drinks, because we're on vacation!".

Heck, even the plane had become a good time to have a glass of wine or two because it signaled vacation, time for a free-for-all, "I can relax now and do what I want", that sort of mentality. I'm realizing that it was an illusion of freedom, and that maybe I was really a prisoner...

BarbieKen

Hi, I just wanted to acknowledge that doing activities sober, at the very first, is strange. I drank for 30 years. I totally understand Disney and drinking. We went in October to Disneyland. I packed bottles for a 1 night stay for goodness sake. I went to California Adventure JUST to have a few glasses of wine before going back into D-Land. That was late October, the next month I was DONE! Went into de-tox, women's rehab for a month, am now 7 months in recovery. OMG, I keep saying I LOVE living my life without alcohol. Maybe I verbalize it because I am amazed at how my life has so quickly changed to something I couldn't have imagined.

BarbieKen

I find that I hear things at most meetings that are addressing me personally, who told on me? :-D. When we 're ready the teacher appears...

Marcher13

Greeneggs you'll have lots of fun I promise you and you'll sleep well, you'll also have days that are bad and days that you are cranky. Re fun: I love conversations where I remember exactly what was said, by whom and what I said. I like laughs that are real laughs because something genuinely tickles my sense of humour not because I'm buzzing with booze and would laugh anyway.

After a couple of weeks there are moments when AV just doesn't say anything, then occasional days go by when you hear nothing from AV! I'm only three months in so I can't wait for six months in. Keep walking that sobriety path with us.