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Hi everybody, I would like to introduce myself and share a bit of my story and struggles with alcoholism. Hopefully I can get some much needed help and support. I've been struggling with alcoholism since the first time I got drunk at age 15 I'm now 29. From the very first time I started drinking I've been a blackout aggressive drunk. I have no moral compass when very drunk. I've done many stupid things and visited the drunk tank more times than I can remember. I've lost all of my friends, plenty of money but more importantly respect from family,peers and myself.

I've contemplated suicide many times when drunk, last night being the last time that thought crossed my mind. I realized and accepted my alcoholism around age 22, ever since I've been searching for a sober lifestyle finding mixed results. I've had 3 or 4 good runs of sobriety ranging from 8 months up to a year but somehow I always relapse and my nightmare again begins. I was sober from May 2012 to super bowl Sunday this year when again I foolishly talked myself into having a drink telling myself things would be different. I somehow managed to drink for 4 months without having many regrets of doing it. 2 weeks ago I noticed that I was drinking more often than usual and drinking heavier amounts of alcohol. I told myself I would cool it down for a bit, that didn't happen. I'm back at a point where I'm completely hating myself and ashamed of my actions. I'm tired of waking up feeling like scum. I really got to put more effort into my sobriety and hopefully you guys will be here to help me along the way.

:welcome You've come to a great place for support and understanding. We're here to listen and offer our support and experience to help you stay sober.

What's the plan for this time? I suggest you do it differently. Sounds like a plan with a long range adjustment to that moral compass may be in order.

Welcome BayAreaGuy! It's so great you found us. I think you'll be helped by the support & hope we have here.

Over the years alcohol turned me into someone I didn't recognize. I knew long ago my drinking was dangerous, but went into my 50's still drinking & trying to manage it. I'm glad you aren't going to be that foolish - and that you've reached out for help. You already see where this is going, and you can stop your life from spinning out of control. We know you can do this! :)

Thanks guys..

The plan is going to be to stay active on these forums and hopefully do some AA meetings. I've done AA before liked it but going to the meeting isn't always convenient so I stopped going. I think that being a regular here will remind me what damage alcohol really causes and hopefully keeps me from taking that first drink. Before the plan was to just not drink which I did for a while but always failed at one point.

BAG - Reread the bad stuff in your first post and then ask yourself which is more inconvenient, the bad stuff or putting your recovery first. A lot of people want the bad stuff to stop happening but they aren't willing to go to any lengths to stay sober. It's been my experience through trial and error that I will only stay sober if I put in the work on a daily basis. It's kind of like deciding you want to really get in good shape but only going to the gym when it's convenient.

I realize that the only way to stay sober is going to be by working at it. I will need to find a way to make some meeting and putting the program to work.

Welcome BayAreaGuy from another Bay Area Guy! SR has helped me stay sober. I read some of the forums almost every day.

I've found that nothing changed for me until I DECIDED to change.

Find what works for you, there are many different paths to sobriety. Keep trying until you succeed. Many good ideas and insights will come to you while reading about other people's experiences on SR.

Good to hear BAG. And although I use AA my comment was more about putting your sobriety first no matter what you do to stay sober. The first time I got sober I was the same age as you are now. I'm 52 now and have just over 2 months. I want you to get and stay sober while you are young my friend. :)

Welcome BayAreaGuy :)

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Welcome to SoberRecovery! :)