Newbie hello
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: San Mateo, Ca
Posts: 52
Newbie hello
Never thought I'd find myself posting on a sobriety forum online.
I've been clean from drugs since 1985, alcohol since 1989.
I took my first drug and my first drink the same day, January 1st, 1971.
Long story short, the woman that I love, the woman that was my first love, is going down the tubes drinking.
We reconnected in 2010 after not having any contact since approx. 1981.
She knew me when I was basically circling the drain, and we went our separate ways.
In the intervening years, I cleaned up and went on with a productive life, and she never really stopped drinking or using.
That first day that we reconnected, the first thing she wanted to do was get a drink. I've been around, and know the difference between someone having a drink and needing a drink.
That weekend, we reconnected and I called her straight out on her drinking. She admitted "to drinking too much" but didn't like the "A" word. I didn't pull any punches, and told her the deal was that I wouldn't watch her drink her life away. She wanted to quit...
She moved back here 26 July 2010.
Four trips to detox, two inpatient rehab stays, sober living environment stay, two 5150 holds, lots of meetings, hit and run DUI.
Last night it got down to her blaming me for telling her where she was headed - the hospital, the institution or the graveyard. Abstinence isn't working for her, so in the spirit of harm reduction she just wants one cocktail when she arrives home from work - a job she is on probation with for being drunk on duty, proven by a alcohol test administered on site.
I'm just at the end of my rope.
I have very limited choices here, and we all know what they are. Her family is in another state and is in no position to help her, and I've kept them informed right along. No one has blamed me for this situation, but my love for her along with a bent of my own towards enabling along with the standard man attitude of being able to "fix it" has put me in a very bad place.
Enough. I'm going to a meeting now and will check back later - thanks for letting me say things I can't say too many other places.
I've been clean from drugs since 1985, alcohol since 1989.
I took my first drug and my first drink the same day, January 1st, 1971.
Long story short, the woman that I love, the woman that was my first love, is going down the tubes drinking.
We reconnected in 2010 after not having any contact since approx. 1981.
She knew me when I was basically circling the drain, and we went our separate ways.
In the intervening years, I cleaned up and went on with a productive life, and she never really stopped drinking or using.
That first day that we reconnected, the first thing she wanted to do was get a drink. I've been around, and know the difference between someone having a drink and needing a drink.
That weekend, we reconnected and I called her straight out on her drinking. She admitted "to drinking too much" but didn't like the "A" word. I didn't pull any punches, and told her the deal was that I wouldn't watch her drink her life away. She wanted to quit...
She moved back here 26 July 2010.
Four trips to detox, two inpatient rehab stays, sober living environment stay, two 5150 holds, lots of meetings, hit and run DUI.
Last night it got down to her blaming me for telling her where she was headed - the hospital, the institution or the graveyard. Abstinence isn't working for her, so in the spirit of harm reduction she just wants one cocktail when she arrives home from work - a job she is on probation with for being drunk on duty, proven by a alcohol test administered on site.
I'm just at the end of my rope.
I have very limited choices here, and we all know what they are. Her family is in another state and is in no position to help her, and I've kept them informed right along. No one has blamed me for this situation, but my love for her along with a bent of my own towards enabling along with the standard man attitude of being able to "fix it" has put me in a very bad place.
Enough. I'm going to a meeting now and will check back later - thanks for letting me say things I can't say too many other places.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
to the family! I'm glad you found us.
I'm sorry for the circumstances that brought you here. You may want to take a look at our 'friends and family' forum for f and f of alcoholics. Lots of insight there. Feel free to post anywhere on the site as it suits you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: San Mateo, Ca
Posts: 52
Thanks for the support
Going to the meeting was a great help.
It was a Friends & Family support group meeting for the local WRA (Women's Recovery Association) that Katie has gone through. They allow F & F to attend even if their family member isn't currently in the program.
I received some good advice along with some much needed kicks to the ass and grounding from someone I've known going back to when he and I both used way back when. Having old friends tell you that "you look like crap, when did you eat last?" is good for putting things in perspective.
The bottom line is this: No matter how much love I have in my heart for this woman, her continued drinking is effecting my health, emotional and physical, and it's quite frankly killing her, and I can't and won't simply allow her to do it in my home - she has to find other living arrangements, asap.
This isn't going to be an easy night, but after the last week I have to do something proactive to take my life back.
Thanks
It was a Friends & Family support group meeting for the local WRA (Women's Recovery Association) that Katie has gone through. They allow F & F to attend even if their family member isn't currently in the program.
I received some good advice along with some much needed kicks to the ass and grounding from someone I've known going back to when he and I both used way back when. Having old friends tell you that "you look like crap, when did you eat last?" is good for putting things in perspective.
The bottom line is this: No matter how much love I have in my heart for this woman, her continued drinking is effecting my health, emotional and physical, and it's quite frankly killing her, and I can't and won't simply allow her to do it in my home - she has to find other living arrangements, asap.
This isn't going to be an easy night, but after the last week I have to do something proactive to take my life back.
Thanks
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