New Here -Finally Hit Rock Bottom
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 559
New Here -Finally Hit Rock Bottom
Hey all
I'm a 40-year-old mother of one (she's thirteen). Happily married to my second husband.
I'm a child of alcoholic parents. My drinking career started at age 9 and has continued until this last weekend.
I had a breakdown last year and spent a month in-patient on a psych unit. Part of my treatment was a medically controlled detox. I was discharged November 2012 and am under the care of my local mental health team. I take anti-depressants and anti-psychotics daily.
After leaving hospital I continued to drink as I had before my admission. Hell, even when in hospital, once I was allowed off the ward, I would visit the local shop and buy vodka, mix with coke and bring it back on the unit. So much for working on my drinking.
Over the last few months my problem has escalated. My husband travels for work and this would always be my trigger to buy vodka and start drinking. Eventually I messed up enough that my daughter became scared and talked to her dad about how things were. I thought that was the bottom, and I promised her I would never drink around her again.
Hubby went to Download festival last Friday. My daughter came home from school and I was passed out drunk on the sofa. Her stepmum had to come in the house to wake me and tell me she was taking my daughter (as is usual on a Friday). My daughter was due to have a sleepover with a friend at my house on the Saturday. I received a text from my ex-husband saying she would have it at his house, and that he would bring her back Monday morning for school.
I was terrified and thought he would take her from me. My husband had told me that if I drank spirits again in his absence he would leave me.
I truly thought I had lost everything. What followed was a 'lost weekend'. I drank vodka constantly. I didn't eat or shower for 3 days. By Sunday night I couldn't keep even water down, and I knew I had to tell my husband, seek proper help and quit once and for all.
I was so desperately ashamed of how I'd let my family down. My daughter came home Monday morning and wouldn't even look at me. I texted my husband and told him everything, booked into a hotel and spent Monday night sweating, shaking and hallucinating.
Yesterday I went to see my CPN (community psychiatric nurse) and broke down completely. The Crisis Team are coming today to assess me to see if I need to go back into hospital or whether I can detox at home with medication. I am being referred to the local Alcohol Support team, and will ask my GP for Antabuse once this support is in place.
I can never drink again. I read somewhere that 'you don't pick up where you left off, you pick up where you would have been if you'd kept going'. This terrifies me. If I carry on drinking I will lose everything and have no doubt that it will help me into an early grave.
Good lord, sorry for the wall of text. I just wanted to get this out there. I am on day 3 of my new life.
Thanks for reading.
I'm a 40-year-old mother of one (she's thirteen). Happily married to my second husband.
I'm a child of alcoholic parents. My drinking career started at age 9 and has continued until this last weekend.
I had a breakdown last year and spent a month in-patient on a psych unit. Part of my treatment was a medically controlled detox. I was discharged November 2012 and am under the care of my local mental health team. I take anti-depressants and anti-psychotics daily.
After leaving hospital I continued to drink as I had before my admission. Hell, even when in hospital, once I was allowed off the ward, I would visit the local shop and buy vodka, mix with coke and bring it back on the unit. So much for working on my drinking.
Over the last few months my problem has escalated. My husband travels for work and this would always be my trigger to buy vodka and start drinking. Eventually I messed up enough that my daughter became scared and talked to her dad about how things were. I thought that was the bottom, and I promised her I would never drink around her again.
Hubby went to Download festival last Friday. My daughter came home from school and I was passed out drunk on the sofa. Her stepmum had to come in the house to wake me and tell me she was taking my daughter (as is usual on a Friday). My daughter was due to have a sleepover with a friend at my house on the Saturday. I received a text from my ex-husband saying she would have it at his house, and that he would bring her back Monday morning for school.
I was terrified and thought he would take her from me. My husband had told me that if I drank spirits again in his absence he would leave me.
I truly thought I had lost everything. What followed was a 'lost weekend'. I drank vodka constantly. I didn't eat or shower for 3 days. By Sunday night I couldn't keep even water down, and I knew I had to tell my husband, seek proper help and quit once and for all.
I was so desperately ashamed of how I'd let my family down. My daughter came home Monday morning and wouldn't even look at me. I texted my husband and told him everything, booked into a hotel and spent Monday night sweating, shaking and hallucinating.
Yesterday I went to see my CPN (community psychiatric nurse) and broke down completely. The Crisis Team are coming today to assess me to see if I need to go back into hospital or whether I can detox at home with medication. I am being referred to the local Alcohol Support team, and will ask my GP for Antabuse once this support is in place.
I can never drink again. I read somewhere that 'you don't pick up where you left off, you pick up where you would have been if you'd kept going'. This terrifies me. If I carry on drinking I will lose everything and have no doubt that it will help me into an early grave.
Good lord, sorry for the wall of text. I just wanted to get this out there. I am on day 3 of my new life.
Thanks for reading.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Welcome to SR ippochick 
My life was pretty much laid waste when I got here - the help and support, and understanding, helped me put it all back together again
I know you can do the same - I'm really glad you found us
D
My life was pretty much laid waste when I got here - the help and support, and understanding, helped me put it all back together again
I know you can do the same - I'm really glad you found us
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 559
Originally Posted by Tamerua 
Welcome ippochick! You can do this. what is your plan to stay quit?
what is your plan to stay quit?The local Alcohol Support team offer 1:1 counselling, group therapy and can help me with the courage to go to AA. i am not remotely religious so not sure that will fly, but I will try ANYTHING in order to beat this.
Thanks to all for your replies. My sleep schedule is terrible so I am also looking forward to spending time here.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 40
Welcome ipchick,
I too went to a psych unit, nearly died while i was in there. I dont want to go back to that place so thats why i know I have to stop drinking. You will find loads of support here, just make sure you dont pick up that first drink. Good luck
I too went to a psych unit, nearly died while i was in there. I dont want to go back to that place so thats why i know I have to stop drinking. You will find loads of support here, just make sure you dont pick up that first drink. Good luck
Nothing is impossible!
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: EAGAN
Posts: 792
Originally Posted by ippochick
Hey all
I'm a 40-year-old mother of one (she's thirteen). Happily married to my second husband.
I'm a child of alcoholic parents. My drinking career started at age 9 and has continued until this last weekend.
I had a breakdown last year and spent a month in-patient on a psych unit. Part of my treatment was a medically controlled detox. I was discharged November 2012 and am under the care of my local mental health team. I take anti-depressants and anti-psychotics daily.
After leaving hospital I continued to drink as I had before my admission. Hell, even when in hospital, once I was allowed off the ward, I would visit the local shop and buy vodka, mix with coke and bring it back on the unit. So much for working on my drinking.
Over the last few months my problem has escalated. My husband travels for work and this would always be my trigger to buy vodka and start drinking. Eventually I messed up enough that my daughter became scared and talked to her dad about how things were. I thought that was the bottom, and I promised her I would never drink around her again.
Hubby went to Download festival last Friday. My daughter came home from school and I was passed out drunk on the sofa. Her stepmum had to come in the house to wake me and tell me she was taking my daughter (as is usual on a Friday). My daughter was due to have a sleepover with a friend at my house on the Saturday. I received a text from my ex-husband saying she would have it at his house, and that he would bring her back Monday morning for school.
I was terrified and thought he would take her from me. My husband had told me that if I drank spirits again in his absence he would leave me.
I truly thought I had lost everything. What followed was a 'lost weekend'. I drank vodka constantly. I didn't eat or shower for 3 days. By Sunday night I couldn't keep even water down, and I knew I had to tell my husband, seek proper help and quit once and for all.
I was so desperately ashamed of how I'd let my family down. My daughter came home Monday morning and wouldn't even look at me. I texted my husband and told him everything, booked into a hotel and spent Monday night sweating, shaking and hallucinating.
Yesterday I went to see my CPN (community psychiatric nurse) and broke down completely. The Crisis Team are coming today to assess me to see if I need to go back into hospital or whether I can detox at home with medication. I am being referred to the local Alcohol Support team, and will ask my GP for Antabuse once this support is in place.
I can never drink again. I read somewhere that 'you don't pick up where you left off, you pick up where you would have been if you'd kept going'. This terrifies me. If I carry on drinking I will lose everything and have no doubt that it will help me into an early grave.
Good lord, sorry for the wall of text. I just wanted to get this out there. I am on day 3 of my new life.
Thanks for reading.
I'm a 40-year-old mother of one (she's thirteen). Happily married to my second husband.
I'm a child of alcoholic parents. My drinking career started at age 9 and has continued until this last weekend.
I had a breakdown last year and spent a month in-patient on a psych unit. Part of my treatment was a medically controlled detox. I was discharged November 2012 and am under the care of my local mental health team. I take anti-depressants and anti-psychotics daily.
After leaving hospital I continued to drink as I had before my admission. Hell, even when in hospital, once I was allowed off the ward, I would visit the local shop and buy vodka, mix with coke and bring it back on the unit. So much for working on my drinking.
Over the last few months my problem has escalated. My husband travels for work and this would always be my trigger to buy vodka and start drinking. Eventually I messed up enough that my daughter became scared and talked to her dad about how things were. I thought that was the bottom, and I promised her I would never drink around her again.
Hubby went to Download festival last Friday. My daughter came home from school and I was passed out drunk on the sofa. Her stepmum had to come in the house to wake me and tell me she was taking my daughter (as is usual on a Friday). My daughter was due to have a sleepover with a friend at my house on the Saturday. I received a text from my ex-husband saying she would have it at his house, and that he would bring her back Monday morning for school.
I was terrified and thought he would take her from me. My husband had told me that if I drank spirits again in his absence he would leave me.
I truly thought I had lost everything. What followed was a 'lost weekend'. I drank vodka constantly. I didn't eat or shower for 3 days. By Sunday night I couldn't keep even water down, and I knew I had to tell my husband, seek proper help and quit once and for all.
I was so desperately ashamed of how I'd let my family down. My daughter came home Monday morning and wouldn't even look at me. I texted my husband and told him everything, booked into a hotel and spent Monday night sweating, shaking and hallucinating.
Yesterday I went to see my CPN (community psychiatric nurse) and broke down completely. The Crisis Team are coming today to assess me to see if I need to go back into hospital or whether I can detox at home with medication. I am being referred to the local Alcohol Support team, and will ask my GP for Antabuse once this support is in place.
I can never drink again. I read somewhere that 'you don't pick up where you left off, you pick up where you would have been if you'd kept going'. This terrifies me. If I carry on drinking I will lose everything and have no doubt that it will help me into an early grave.
Good lord, sorry for the wall of text. I just wanted to get this out there. I am on day 3 of my new life.
Thanks for reading.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 559
thanks to everyone who has responded. the crisis team came out this evening and got me some valium to ease withdrawals (which are awful). doctor coming out in the morning to assess me for a detox plan.
Day 4 starts tomorrow. This has to work.
Day 4 starts tomorrow. This has to work.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Dublin
Posts: 108
Hi ippochick - just wanted to say hi I'm new too - your post is one of the first I have read - I could have been reading about myself - well done your further along than me - keep in touch - we can't go back to that dark place
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,557
Welcome ippochick. You found a great place. I think it'll really help you to be here as you begin your new sober life.
I was in about the same situation as you when I finally stopped. I couldn't afford to ever take a chance again - not a sip. I was resentful in the beginning, but once I began to heal from what I'd put myself through I realized I was free. It was never going to be fun or manageable again for me - and I grieved for it for a bit, but knew in my heart I'd die if I ever touched it again. You can definitely do this and have a wonderful new life.
I was in about the same situation as you when I finally stopped. I couldn't afford to ever take a chance again - not a sip. I was resentful in the beginning, but once I began to heal from what I'd put myself through I realized I was free. It was never going to be fun or manageable again for me - and I grieved for it for a bit, but knew in my heart I'd die if I ever touched it again. You can definitely do this and have a wonderful new life.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Welcome...and Congratulations.
It sounds as though you have an awesome support system in place. Take advantage of that!
As far as the religion & AA...I went in with just my higher self...no said you have to sacrifice a chicken and pray to the Almighty. There's a difference between religion and spirituality. Just don't take it off your plate just yet.
What worked best for me was knowing that there is much support here at any given moment of the day...and alot to read to keep the mind out of trouble. Even if someone doesn't quite understand there is still positive feedback to help you thru. Stick around.
Good Luck and Peace.
It sounds as though you have an awesome support system in place. Take advantage of that!
As far as the religion & AA...I went in with just my higher self...no said you have to sacrifice a chicken and pray to the Almighty. There's a difference between religion and spirituality. Just don't take it off your plate just yet.
What worked best for me was knowing that there is much support here at any given moment of the day...and alot to read to keep the mind out of trouble. Even if someone doesn't quite understand there is still positive feedback to help you thru. Stick around.
Good Luck and Peace.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 559
hey gravity.
i'm doing ok. i'm going to the local alcohol support team on monday to see what treatment i can access. i'm still reading up on tools and methods of working on my sobriety to see what fits.
interestingly, my therapist today mentioned that the AA Big Book is based in Jungian theory - i had no idea so that's on my reading list now as well.
hope you're doing ok. 5 days done here. who'd a thunk it?
i'm doing ok. i'm going to the local alcohol support team on monday to see what treatment i can access. i'm still reading up on tools and methods of working on my sobriety to see what fits.
interestingly, my therapist today mentioned that the AA Big Book is based in Jungian theory - i had no idea so that's on my reading list now as well.
hope you're doing ok. 5 days done here. who'd a thunk it?
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
